VerySadGirlfriend Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Here's a topic I'm SURE has never graced these forums before (note: sarcasm): PORN! My previous partner was addicted to porn. He verbally abused me with it, reminded me of how I wasn't like those women, I was ugly, useless, etc. I finally wised up and got the hell out, after five years. I've been in a relationship with my current partner for almost seven years. And, despite laying out my boundaries in the begining (no porn), he has time and time again lied, cheated, and attempted to conceal his many... usages? He continues to download and hide it on his computer, or disks. Everytime I catch him, he appologizes and "it won't happen again". Bullcrap. Our sex-life is nil. We fight, a lot. He barely pulls his weight in terms of housekeeping or chores. He's recently gotten good at hiding it (took you that long, huh?), but I know he's still doing it because he comes to bed late, and - sorry fella, but I do your laundry. I've seen your underwear. I'm not dumb. I feel robbed, and drained. I'm begining to feel like I've wasted seven years of my life, and coupled with the former, a grand total of twelve years with men I shouldn't be with. And I'm just about to turn 30! Well, hooray! I've begged him to stop. I've cried, I've yelled. I've threatened to leave. I've tried to be patient, to understand it as an addiction. But he won't stop - he won't seek help. He continues to justify it as, apparently, men MUST see naked women. They will die without! Or he'll avoid. Or he'll deny. I guess what I'm really getting to, is this: what is happily ever after? Do all long-term relationships end up like this? Yes, I haven't had much of a dating history, and probably from all standpoints, haven't been particularly skilled at picking winners. Does everyone get to a point where the romance is dead and the sex is nil and things are routine and you're "partners" in every sense of the word because there's really no other appropriate way to describe it? I feel so sad, so empty, and so confused. Scared to be alone - scared to end it. Scared to stay and be continuely faced with the same crap, day in, day out. Sad for the fact that there was a time when everything seemed really good. Sorry for emotionally barfing all over this forum. I have no one else to talk to. Totally understand how Charlie Brown felt. Lucy was a bitch.
Island Girl Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Happily Ever Afters DO happen -- but it takes a lot of work. And BOTH people have to be committed to that. I am sorry your past relationships have been so terrible. But I didn't meet my husband until 32. And I know others (even here) have found the happily ever after later than that. It is never too late. But it is a travesty to waste any day living with underlying unhappiness. And it seems as though you have lived with that burden for a long time. Early relationships are learning experiences. Just about everyone has them and most relationships when they end - end badly. He isn't the guy for you and you know that so don't waste any more time just boot him out. Then live your life enjoying as much as you can and you will meet a person who will fit the bill. But if you meet one of the ones that isn't - and you see those things early on as you did here just be done and move on. Don't waste any more time on losers, liars, or cheaters - once you find out that is what they are.
Adri Ana Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Even being 78 you have not to be scared to be alone . You are just in your 30`s ! The best age for dating and feeling the real enjoymemt from relationships! Alone ? Lets paraphrase it ! FREE! This is whom you will be after tearing all connection with all who does not fit you and does not make you happy ! You Will Be Free ! Free to live , free to think, free to love, free to breathe,free to smile , free to do all you like ! So The Nose Up ! And move on,dear ! Best of Luck !
hopesndreams Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 A woman in her 30's has got to be the best time of her life. You are at your most beautiful, you are wiser, and you have so much to offer the "right" man in your life. You have had 2 cruddy relationships, don't let this guy you are with now rob you of your 30's and beyond. You are not happy with him (for damn good reason!) so ditch him, and when you start a new relationship keep attuned to the signs that he may not be right for you and move on to the next. There will be someone out there for you that will be what you desire and don't settle for less.
Artu Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 If you stay with him , you lose your best time,you lose your years . If you leave him , you lose him who is making you so unhappy . Choose yourself . .... the relationship that makes you sad and unhappy more than happy is to be dumped and ditched without any hesitation .
JackJack Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 If its gotten to the point to where you are "begging" him, then its time to take a step back and really try to figure out why you would need to do that, in order to try to keep somebody. You might want to try to start to think more of yourself, you deserve better. You both obviously have different views on this issue, and you begging and crying, is not going to make him stop.
Enema Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 "No porn" is a pretty harsh rule. I understand you have mental problems because of your previous relationship, but come on... you're being unrealistic. As long as your relationship and sex life is fine, live and let live.
DragonSlayer Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Tough one. It is very hard to find a guy who doesn't look at porn. Yes, it's reasonable to expect to be with someone who is not addicted to it, but I'd bet 90% of men look at porn at least once in a while. Is it right? Who knows? You'll find 18 million threads about it on here though... Relationships? Well they are about communication, as cliché as that is...and many people have issues with communication...yelling, screaming, sulking, pouting, blaming, criticizing, judging, etc all come out when people get into heated discussions. Those are a recipe for disaster. Intimacy killers. I agree that you have to be with someone who is compatible, but you'll still have to find someone you can truly have intimacy with...and that usually means you have to look at yourself first. Even those who feel that they strive for intimacy often do not go about it in the right way...they end up trying to coerce it...and that's impossible. I hope you get some good feedback here...
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