This girl is just me... !

[copaisking]

Hi Everyone

 

thanks in advance for your responses, I really appreciate it.

 

I was dating a girl for 5 months, I fell in love with her after 1 month and we have been seeing each other every day since.

 

She's absolutely beautiful, an Abercrombie model, Southern (something I love) and just a great person. 2 weeks ago she came to me saying that she needed a week off to get a balance in her life and to start hanging out with her friends more. I always encourage her to do this, as I feel its part of a healthy relationship. So, I agreed to take a weeks 'break' and told her I wouldn't contact her. It was absolute hell, probably one of the worst weeks of my life, all I wanted to do was to contact her and tell her I love her, but I didn't. On the Thursday she sent me a text telling me that she was coming over to get her running shoes and some letters, she didn't show up, she then said Friday, didn't show up, then Saturday, didn't show up. We had agreed the week before to spend the Sunday together in order to discuss everything and make sure that she had her life on track. I text her Sunday morning saying that I would pick her up and take her out for the day that I had planned. She responded with 'wait, I just got up'. I then asked her what time she would be ready, to which she responded 'listen, it's my day off, I don't want to spend it talking about things, not today anyway. I've been invited to a hockey game with my friend Colleen, I just want to relax'. I told her that was fine and for her to have fun. She said she would come over in the morning.

 

Monday morning comes by, she's meant to be over at 1130, she texts to say she won't be over til 230 because she's cleaning her apartment. I tell her fine, and ill come over to her place. She tells me not to, and that she'll be around later. I told her that wasn't good enough (I was fed up with her stringing me along all week). She then broke up with me on text message, saying that it had nothing to do with me and that she had to find a balance in her life, and that she always jumps in to relationships, and right now she just wants to be in LA to model, and just be Nicole'.

 

I went over to her apartment with all her stuff. She wasn't cleaning anything. Her room mate showed up and then she said, 'oh, she had all the cleaning stuff'. Anyway, she was kissing me and telling me she was sorry, and the last thing she wanted to was hurt me etc etc I told her that I agreed that we should split up if she wasn't happy. I killed me to agree it, but thats the way I am, I told her that I had promised to make her happy, and if letting her go made her happy, then so be it.

 

So the thing is, for the 5 months we were together, she was amazing, she looked after me, I looked after her, she was the single most phenomenal girl I had ever been with. She truly was the total package. I just can't figure out how she went from that, from saying she wants to marry me, and throwing pictures of engagement rings in my face, to just ending it.

 

So anyways, she ended it, I told her she wouldn't see me again (LA is a big place, I never bump into people I know unless it prearranged, especially if I know where to avoid people) she responded with 'I absolutely refuse to never see you again', to which I replied, i'm sorry, thats the way it has to be.

 

That was all on Monday, I haven't text/called/emailed her, i've been depressed and suffering from anxiety, and have just plainly been miserable, at times, suicidal. Then on Thursday, she texts me to tell me that she has just seen one of my friends girlfriends on TV (not a big deal, this girl is on a show, she's always on the TV). I couldn't really believe that 1) she text me 2) it was completely impersonal. So I ignored it, later that night she sent me another text asking whether I was in the country (I mentioned I may go to England for a few weeks) or was I just ignoring her earlier text message? I ignored that until the morning, when I responded that I was staying in LA and that my parents were coming over to see me instead. She responded asking when etc and then she said 'coolio, i'm really happy for you '. I didn't respond to that, thinking she was just checking in with me, and there is no need to prolong the 'chat'. It is literally ripping my heart out not telling her how I feel and that I want her back dreadfully, but as much as I am hurt i'm staying strong, as nobody wants an ex stalking them with love texts etc. So today, I get a text from her saying 'Hi are you doing ok?'. To say i'm pissed is an understatement. Again, I want to text her and say 'no! i'm not doing ok, you've ripped my heart out and now you keep texting me!!!'. I ignored the text but I feel absolutely terrible.

 

As I said, I want her back. She's a stunning girl, who's friends with all of her ex boyfriends (something I never had a problem with), and I think thats what she's doing with me, but honestly, I know myself, and if I ever see her again it's going to rip open my hurt, and as immature as it is, it's self preservation. I also know that most guys who want to get back with their ex's stay 'friends'.

 

Does anybody have any idea what is going on in her head? Does she want me back, is that why she is trying to reconnect? Shall I respond to her last 'are you doing ok?' message? How can I get her back. All I know is that i'm absolutely miserable right now, and it sucks. I'm a young 32, she's 24, we've both been married before, and everything was perfect before she wanted more balance in her life... is cutting me completely out going to balance things up?

 

HELP PLEASE! I think I need to see a doctor about my anxiety levels...

[gavinus]

Hmmmm, well it sounds like she wants the best of both worlds. She does not want to be with you but still wants the benefit of you being nice to her. I think you have done the right thing! Good on you for being NC. If you contact her and be like all her other ex's then she has won. Put yourself first, be strong go NC! I know how you feel, but by giving in that says to her treat me how you will. U can do it and remember you were happy before she entered your life you can be happy afterward as well.If you truly love her let her go

[copaisking]

Hi Guys

 

So i'm still going through a bad time with this break up. She kept texting me so last week I sent her this email:

 

"Nicole,

 

So, it's been an interesting few days, where I have started the path of rediscovering myself. I've thought long and hard about who I am, who I want to be, my career goals, my personal goals and where I am in life right now.

 

I still have feelings for you Nicole, and it is because of these feelings, that I have to be selfish and cease all contact with you. I'm unable to be your friend, I'm just not that person. I want something solid with you, but you can't give that to me right now. I would never be able to be your friend and watch you build something that I want, but with someone else. I literally couldn't put myself through it... and I would be a fake friend, always wanting more from the 'friendship'.

 

It's very hard for me to write this, but I have to set boundaries for myself, something that I have not done in a long time, and I need to start putting myself first in my life. You know that I love, and cherish you, but right now, I have to be protective over David, which is something that has been severely lacking in my life. This is in no way at all to hurt you, but merely to look after myself. Friendship is just not enough for me with you... if you change your mind, and if I'm emotionally available, let's see what happens, but as it is right now, it just isn't enough.

 

I love you baba

 

Dave"

 

To be honest, I kind of expected a response along the lines of 'I understand' or something, but I didn't hear anything, which speaks volumes. I'm absolutely mortified by all this, then all of a sudden, I wake up on Saturday morning to 2 text messages followed an hour later by this email:

 

 

"I don't know if u got my texts so I'm gonna throw this your way to make sure I know u read what I have to say, since I apparently can't count on you to just respond to anything I say to you. First, your myspace and the **** that's out for everyone to see is ****ing annoying. You've met another Nicole, which is awesome...gag me. Second, her profile says she's excited about someone with an accent...gag me harder. Third, you've got all these chicks coming out of nowhere hounding you on there..its disgusting that we've only been broke up a few weeks and yet you've already got all these girls up your ass, talking about "it was so nice meeting you last night...blah blah ****ing blah.." Seriously, you called me disrespectful!! Haha, that's a joke compared to the fact that YOU are already busy replacing me. Real cool. SUPER awesome..I know I broke up with you, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to see that you're already heavy involved in dating a bunch of L.A. retards. And yes, they will ALL be retarded, and infested with diseases so please be careful. I love you and will always care about you a great deal, but this disrespect thrown out for me to see in plain view is sickening and makes me question knowing the real David. A response would be appreciated, if not, ill continue on living questioning whether or not I ever really knew you."

 

Now, I know that this is a manipulative email, and to date I haven't responded. I want this girl back, she was my life, and despite all of this, I genuinely love her to bits, and want to see her happy, she's a great person. Does anyone have any advice how to get this girl back, or what/if I should write back to this email. The very fact that she is hurting, is hurting me

[sparklemama]

She is trying to turn this around on you!!!!!

She broke up with you why does she care who you are talking to?She loves the feeling of control.She likes the chase,she wants you to be calling her constantly and she wants you to tell her how miserable you feel without her.If you told her everything you just wrote here she will feel good and in control.Do not let her manipulate you in this way.She broke up with you so if she decides she wants you back she needs to be begging you not the other way around.You need to continue total NC and that is also through e-mails and any other form of contact.Do not give her the pleasure of responding to her accusations of you being with other women thats just her way of trying to find out if you have met someone new and trying to find out what you are up to.Keep her in the dark and let that eat her apart and anyway you dont have to answer anyways she is no longer your Gf.Im assuming she is used to men begging and sweating her.You need to show her that your nothing like any of those men she had before.Good luck with everything!

[EllieBean]

Yep, she's getting jealous because you're apparently moving on with your life. She wants you to be her puppy dog and boost her ego by chasing her - don't do it! If you feel you must respond, simply say: I'm sorry you feel that way, but since you broke up with me you no longer have the right to comment on who I do or do not spend my time with. Then leave it, and let her be jealous

[LoveUrselfFirst]

Hun I think it's time that you let her go. I know it sounds hard, but why would she treat you how she treated you for this long.

 

You seemed caring enough to let her take her 'break' and be completely understanding to her needs, but what about your needs? Didn't sound like she cared one bit, because than she wouldn't have made you feel depressed as you are right now.

 

Like someone said previously she wants the best of both worlds....she'll call you when she needs you and will ignore you when she doesn't need you and that's not fair to you.

 

And no you don't need a doctor....it's that whole chemical called "love" that is making you a wreck (as we all have dealt with).

 

As much as you love her, you need to love yourself more to move on from this situation because it is unhealthy for you.

 

You my dear are not a doormat.

[copaisking]

Thanks for your responses. Its really good to hear a non bias view of these things.

 

You know what they say, love is blind and all that.

 

I know that I have to do the NC thing, it's just killing me because I know that right now, she is feeling jealous and insecure, and (as sad as it is) I hate that, because I only ever wanted to make her happy. Honestly, I have never been so open, and loving with someone in my life, maybe I won't be again

 

My broken heart will heal, but it may take longer because apparently she's just shot a commercial which is going to run on national TV for the next 2 months, so I have to see her on that (or... I could take a sabbatical from television

 

I desperately want her back, but only if she wants me, not because she feels sorry for me, or because she thinks I may be with other girls. The funny thing is, I have absolutely no interest in any other girls at the moment, and the two that she's referring to on myspace are just friends, I can't help it if one of them wants to date me, but i'm not emotionally available to date anyways. I think i've just put up another 20 barriers that the next girl will have to break down.

 

I'm rambling... again, thank you for taking the time out of your days to help a complete stranger, it's truly appreciated, and if anyone else wants to throw their 2 cents in, please do, i'm all ears. This site is actually like therapy for me, and i'm not even kidding.

 

respect

 

David

[Thomas X Forever]

Let me put it like this.

 

You have no power. You cannot get this girl back. And you don't want to either. If you managed to get a second chance, like I did, well, let me tell you, just don't bother. When people break up, it's because deep down they're just simply not compatible. You cannot save this girl, cannot save the relationship, and cannot go back in the past. It's over, and the girl you once loved is dead and is a ghost now and you're simply chasing memories, if you want to be with her again.

 

My god I know how hard it is though brother. Everyday is constant pain for me too, thinking of the movies I watched with her. The times I was so sure I'd be with this girl forever. You aren't suffering alone.

[LoveUrselfFirst]

I definitely agree with you when you say this board is like therapy....it does in fact help (even through my situation) and it makes you get stronger in the long run.

[copaisking]

So... I just went shopping, you know, trying to create a new me. Got into Abercrombie, there's a huge picture of her on the wall. WTF. This is following me everywhere.

 

There has to be a way for me to get her back no?

[Thomas X Forever]

Lmfao shut the hell up. She wasn't on the wall. Show me a pic of this girl right now. IM "Not ThomasX" on AIM.

[copaisking]

I dont have an instant messenger.

 

I swear to you i'm not making this up. The girl has modeled with Abercrombie for ages, why would I lie, its hardly massaging my ego that the girl, who was the absolute girl of my dreams has dumped me is it?

 

Go into Abercrombie, I guess they're the same layout nationwide, she's the blonde kissing a guy with black hair.

 

I was ok this morning, but since seeing that I have gone a serious downward spiral, suicidal thoughts, I can't continue on... I know that her email was manipulative and really, it was all about her, but, I also know that she is a sweetheart, and a great person... surely there's a way I can convince her that she does have room in her life for a balanced relationship. Only yesterday I found her valentines card to me stating that nobody has ever loved her unconditionally like I do, and all she ever wants it to see me happy. I kind of want to send it to her, highlight the happy part and call her a liar. But alas, all I want is the chance to go back. I know the real her, I know we got into a routine... and I wouldn't let it go back that way again. This girl has my heart, my mojo, my self esteem, and I know that I'm the only one who can do anything about it but I feel absolutely hopeless, especially now as she fired that email and text to me stating that I have disrespected her. I hate the fact that she is hurting, all I want to do is go and see her and hug her, tell her everything will be alright... but I know that isnt the right thing to do if I want her back.

 

I'm so confused, this sucks.

[Thomas X Forever]

Damn dude we sound a lot alike. Cept your girl sounds better looking. But alas, suicide is never the answer in these scenarios. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...

 

How old are you guys?

[copaisking]

I'm 32, she's 24.

 

Both been married before. Thats one of the reasons she used in the breakup saying shes only been single for 2 years and she's not ready for commitment... yet it was her who would thrown pictures of engagement rings at me asking me when I was going to ask her...

 

heres a picture:

 

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://bp2.blogger.com/_DiFdg_LMhh0/R8iJ2DbAxAI/AAAAAAAAMkw/5HGEEV3Fs4U/s400/Nicole%2BMartin%2B(1).jpg&imgrefurl=http://abercrombieandfitchmodels.blogspot.com/2008/02/nicole-martin-vision-la.html&h=400&w=289&sz=22&tbnid=KpnL91ZsSZP_kM::&tbnh=124&tbnw=90&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dnicole%2Bmartin&usg=__atRAYun61J34U2354lH4-PGCTKI=&ei=5IXaSf7eEZK6tAOqq4DoBg&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=image

 

I just don't get how one month she can be all over it, then she goes out one night, has fun with her friends and decides our relationship is the problem in her life. Honestly, I treated her like a princess, did everything I could to make her happy, and I mean everything... then she tells me she was depressed for the last month of our relationship and I didn't even notice.

 

She's torn my heart out, and then fires me that email saying how im disrespectful... along with 'I know I broke up with you but...'

 

Surely that means she has some sort of regret?

[Thomas X Forever]

She honestly sounds crazy. Why was she divorced again?

 

If it makes you feel better my friend, she isn't that good looking. Don't ask me how she is a model. Looks like every other girl I see everyday. You could do better easily!!!

 

But yes it sounds like she has some regret perhaps. But you must remain strong my friend, keep talking to us or me everyday here and I will always listen and offer advice. Never for a SECOND consider suicide EVER brother!! I'll be here for you

[copaisking]

Thanks Thomas.

 

I think i'm going to give it another go with her, but pretend like I don't really care and that i've moved on.

 

Maybe it will work... maybe it won't, but this love, this strange deep seated love is something that I have never felt before.

 

She was married for 6 months before getting it annulled. She said she wasn't ready to settle down, and she wanted to pursue her modeling career in LA, and move from Florida. I feel sorry for her husband, as he is still texting her two years later saying that she ruined his life etc etc

 

Her last serious boyfriend also lasted about 6 months. He was a professional surfer in Florida, she commuted between Miami and LA for work. Apparently he was very emotional, and always wanted to talk about feelings. He planned to move his career to California so that he could be closer to her, and thats when she finished with him. Again... he still texts her and is in the 'friends zone' with her, when we were together he would make comments about my myspace then apologize to her later. He was in LA for a bit recently and wanted to meet up with her (I didn't have a problem with this) but she said no. Whats the point in being his friend? I tried to explain that for the most part, guys who want to be friends with their ex's deeply want to get back with them, which she agreed with. I also explained that her husband acting like the way he does (he is still super tight with her family which really upsets her) is again, evidence that he deeply wants to get back with her and would grab the chance to. I'm not going to enable her to keep doing this with relationships, it's wrong and she has some sort of issue. I mean, 24 isn't that young... and in LA, good people are hard, almost impossible to find, she needs to realize that i'm a catch...

 

I'm trying to do this differently than all of the other ex's, trying to do the NC thing and make her question if she has done the right thing. I can't just be her friend, I really am not that person, I want more than that, and i'm not going to stand around in the friends zone while she starts seriously dating other people. I know I already messed this up when I sent her the email stating that I still loved her, but had to cease all contact with her for me to heal. I shouldn't have done that but I have since had NC, and she has sent me those emails/texts... which shows that she is jealous of what I have been doing, which gives me a little bit of hope that I can salvage this. My gut is rarely wrong, and its telling me that I have unfinished business with this... my dream girl

[Thomas X Forever]

Ah this is a sad story. I'm sorry this is being done to you my friend.

 

You already know what to do then, so all I can do is observe and be here for you.

 

Keep me updated, and I give you my best wishes always.

[anni1979]

I'm trying to do this differently than all of the other ex's, trying to do the NC thing and make her question if she has done the right thing.

 

I feel like this is part of the problem. You are going no contact to try to change HER behaviour, not to move on. You are spending all of your energy thinking about her... who's thinking about you? I'll bet that she isn't.

 

Try to remember a time that you were happy, before you met her. Even if it was just one day, one happy moment. You can be happy again, without her. But first you have to let yourself be miserable. You've lost something, and that is hard and it hurts. And that's okay - but if you don't face the misery it will always be there, haunting you.

[silverfish]

I feel sorry for you and all you've been through and everything BUT posting someones pic on a forum like that is really inappropriate for want of a better word.

 

If someone who loved me did that without my consent I would be so mad I don't think I could forgive them.

 

I think posting her pic on here was crossing the line - who knows what sort of nut job could see it?

[copaisking]

point taken Silverfish, is there a way to delete a post that I have made?

[silverfish]

Not sure really - maybe theres an admin or moderator address that you could contact. I'm sure they can remove it no prob

[copaisking]

so... I think that backfired

 

I sent her this this afternoon:

 

Nicole

 

I got your text and email, but i've been really busy.

 

In the last few days I have realized that you were right about everything, it's weird and I don't know why, but exciting things are happening to me one after the other. I respect your decision with the breakup.

 

David

 

Not expecting a response for a few days, I was a bit shocked when I got this, like 10 minutes later:

 

"Its interesting how you didn't respond to anything I wrote basically but whatever. Ill probably never speak to or see you again, which is ****ing weird but that's obviously how it has to be according to you. Good luck"

 

so that is that I guess... i'm gutted

[copaisking]

soo.... I went out last night after my first full day of NC (although I haven't initiated any contact with her... she has with me, see above). Went to a new club in LA, very 'sceney' which isn't really my scene at all, but I thought I would give it a shot.

 

After walking around, comparing every girl in there to Nicole, I started to talk to one girl and got her phone number. We continued chatting throughout the night, and it was left that I would call her today. Last night I felt fantastic, like 'yea, i'm ready to move on', yet I wake up this morning feeling like absolute ****. Like I was in the first week when she broke my heart. I want her back so badly, but only on neutral terms.

 

This absolutely sucks, can I even go through with calling this new girl? I mean, she's not as pretty as Nic but she seems like a nice girl. When will this pain end? I can't handle it anymore.

 

Is anyone here on anti-depressants? I've thought for a while now that I need something...