MsPrada Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I met a wonderful man while he was seperated (hes never been married, and has no kids but he has had a live in GF for 8 yrs..) She moved out of his house for 8 months total during that time him and i fell madly in love and were inseperable talking on the phone for hours, texting all day everyday, going on weekend getaways together, and of course having the most passionate fiery love making! So when we first met (Oct 3rd of last year) he told me him and her were split up and always referred to her as his ex GF..he said he was hoping she would find someone and fall in love..and the thought of her with another man doesnt bother him..although half of her clothes were still in his closet and her pictures were still up on his wall..Huge red flags i know! in retrospect i know i should have RUN!! So she has been back in the house for 2 weeks..i was still allowing him to make love to me and take me out even though i was very uncomfortable with her living there. He says she is there temporarily until she can get back on her feet financially..and that they didnt have sex for 2 years prior to their seperation. He says they are best friends and she doesnt turn him on in that way. He left 2 weeks ago to go skiing with his buddies in Aspen..im pretty sure he left to get away from the stress of her moving back in and him being in love with me..He needed to clear his head. He said he got used to her being gone and enjoyed his freedom but he doesnt want to hurt her feelings and just kick her out.. So the day he leaves for Aspen he told me he was taking cab to the airport (1 hr away) and that she wasnt dropping him off, mind you he offered that info without me asking. I didnt know if i believed him or not but whatever..So the next day.. I called his live in (ex) as he calls her, GF (she knows of me because they have recently had discussions about me)..i called because i want to know if im at risk for STDs and i want to know if i am being strung along and if i am i need to get rid of him, the more we see each other my heart melts more and more and i cant imagine continuing this without knowing the truth.. I was very polite to her i asked if they were "back together" and if her stay was temporary..she said "We have been together since i was 17, we love each other very much and he will never leave me" She said she respects him too much to speak for him and that she hopes he handles this situation and "everything works out"..also i asked her if she dropped him off at the airport, she said she wasnt going to say. My heart dropped.. He is still on vacation in Aspen, im sure he knows i called her, but he hasnt contacted me..Today makes 10 days of NC..he returns from his trip Tues..i cant help but to wonder if he will ever call or text me again..there was no closure...and part of me wishes i would have never been impulsive and called her.. But i know i have to move on..its just soo hard..and never again will i involve myself with a man who still has another womans belongings in his closet.. I just cant stop thinking about how he looked into my eyes and told me he loved me...i know it was real..i know he has to be missing me like im missing him..my bday is sunday (3-29) we were supposed to go away for the weekend..i wonder if he will at least text me happy bday..I wonder if they will actually last..and live happily ever after..never married after so many years..no kids.. by the way ill be 24..he is 50 and she is 33.. *Done Venting* Any advice is appreciated..Thanks in advance..
tami-chan Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 oh, Prada...I am sorry you are hurting...you may not see it right now, but this is the best thing for you...to move on---he IS really a bit too old for you AND he has too many baggage not to mention it looks like he is just lying to you... If he does not contact you on your birthday...then that should be your closure and the beginning of a new life..Be strong!
sedgwick Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Wait, you're 24 and he's 50?! That's not a typo?? The difference between 50 and 33 is significant; between 50 and 24 is, well...you'll be her age and he'll be qualifying for the early bird special at your local cafeteria!
bentnotbroken Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 50 is older than me, and my oldest isn't to far off 24. That's just wrong...:eek:An old goat like that has to have some immaturity issues to be with people young enough to be his children and if he started really early at least one could be a grandchild.
Ariadne Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Hey, She is probably jealous of you because you have had a passionate relationship with him for all this time (and they probably stopped having sex a long time ago). She must know that you are important to him, besides, he didn't dump you. He told you that she was not his partner anymore. But if you call her and she is living there, you can expect her to tell you all kind of bs. Especially if she thinks you are going to buy it. Good luck. (That guy is way too old for you anyway, you are probably going to get tired of him too)
Lucky_One Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Boy, he's one happy old goat, isn't he? Two women young enough to be his daughters fighting over him.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 He's done alot of lying (or omitting the truth) to you. This man has history with her, and he isn't going to throw it away...He may love you, but he loves the comfort and safety of their relationship more. Good for you to decide to walk away..Why bother trying to compete, all that will do is mess you up.
Author MsPrada Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Thanks for the all of the wonderful advice everyone! As far as him being 50, he looks like hes 40, and takes very good care of himself..Today makes 11 days NC the longest we've gone without talking since i've known him..this sucks!!
bentnotbroken Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Thanks for the all of the wonderful advice everyone! As far as him being 50, he looks like hes 40, and takes very good care of himself..Today makes 11 days NC the longest we've gone without talking since i've known him..this sucks!! He could look 10 but he would still be 50, but stay NC, it's in your best interest.
wildsoul Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I'm a bit awed that you had the nerve to call her, but I can see why you did. Sounds like she might have been giving you some female competition, without being overtly nasty. But still, even if you hadn't spoken to her. His actions (not calling you) say everything you need to hear. It sounds to me like you were a rebound relationship for him. A person can have strong feelings of love, and I'm sure the ego-boost of such a young girlfriend played a role in his psyche. I don't harbor any judgements about what you should do, but my advice would be for you to break up with him. It doesn't have to be rude. But if you can hold your head up high, tell him that his situation with the ex is too complicated, and move on to someone more appropriate, you'll likely feel better about yourself in the long run. Short run, you've got a date with Ben & Jerry while you heal up. But long run, you will skip over the current drama and potential future drama. Cuz if you read this board, you'll see LOTS of examples about guys that keep a fallback girl around while they go back/forth with their ex.
Author MsPrada Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 I had a date tonight!! but i still thought about the MM..ohwell i have another date tomorrow night and i'll just keep myself occupied until i completely get over him.. The MM will be back from his trip tomorrow so he will get to see how life is without me forreal..just him an his GF all alone..
Owl Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 OK, this gets even creepier when you do the math. His GF said that they'd been together since she was 17. That means they've been together for the last 16 years. Do the math, you'll see that he was "with" her when she was 17...and he was 33. And now he's 50, hooking up with a 24 year old. Anyone see a pattern forming in this guy's relationships?
herenow Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It's a bit strange to read the reply to this thread saying that the GF is the one spewing the lies. Seems to me the man is the one telling lies. The GF is living with him and she is the one he goes home to, so it's not so hard to believe that they really are together. They aren't married and they have no kids, so why would she even be there if they weren't? Who knows, maybe they have the kind of relationship where both of them get some side action and they are always there for each other. That may be what they consider "love". Another thing I was wondering is: You say that you called her to find out if you are at risk of STDs. Is that how you started the conversation? Did you ask her point blank if she had an STD? If you did, I'm surprised she didn't ask you the same question.
willing Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I met a wonderful man while he was seperated (hes never been married, and has no kids but he has had a live in GF for 8 yrs..) She moved out of his house for 8 months total during that time him and i fell madly in love I was also looking at the Math of 16 years, as opposed to the OP where it looked like OM was only involved with GF for 8 yrs...
Author MsPrada Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 He said he's "known her since she was 17"..and that they became good friends and ended up together even though they never had that fiey passionate romantic love..but they have stability, securituy, companionship, and a business together. She said they've "been together" since she was 17..big difference..So according to him they've been together 8 years.. And I asked her if it was true that they havent slept together in 2 years, because that would answer my question about the STD risk..but she wouldnt answer me.. Either way NC is getting better and better each day..and a hell of a lot easier
willing Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 ..but she wouldnt answer me.. The no-telling part is very telling in itself!
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