heartoutside Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 So all of the ladies I've been in relationships with have been relationships that happened over night....within weeks basically. But now I'm seeing a girl who I think is great and even though she has slept over, we haven't had sex. Which I'm fine with, because for once I don't want to just jump in the sack with a girl. But it's been 2 months since we started hanging out and maybe a little over a month since we've been dating. We haven't had any talks about being exclusive and I'm just taking my time with it.... But out of curiosity, what do you ladies think about this situation? Am I just being a fool? If you like a guy would you want to wait? I have friends (who probably aren't the greatest source for relationship advice) who think I'm kind of wasting my time and she's just toy'n with me and getting her share of attention.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 omg! ok check this out, i loveeee sex and all big freak right herrrre but i was the same with my love. when we met we hung out didnt kiss him for like 2 weeks almost of him coming over and hanging out watching movies n **** at night and it was so hard but i really wanted him to respect me he is use to girls throwing themselves at him....we started dating and i made him wait a month after that for sex but it was soooo hard once again lol we were always drink and twisted when we'd go out and party with all our friends and it was hard cause you know when your drinking your wayyy more horny lol but i think she'll crack soon! good luck
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Well, are you not getting your needs met in the relationship otherwise? Taking sex out of the picture, are you unhappy with the relationship in general? You feel ripped off? If so, then maybe there's not much to this relationship if you're hoping sex will fill the void. If not and you're otherwise happy, then how are you being played? Are you spending tons of money on her, or something? I don't get your friends' point of view. What are you losing right now? As for timing on sex...my XH, I waited like 3 months, I think. But I was a virgin. With my current BF, we got it on on the second date. It was sooner than I meant to and looking back, I might have held off a little bit longer. But oh, well - everybody moves at their own pace and so does every relationship. Have you talked to her about her feelings about sex? How conservative is she in her views? Is she a virgin?
pollywag Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Waiting is normal for most women who don't sleep around and if she really likes you she will want to get to know you first. Have you discussed it? You say you are not exclusive, has she hinted at it? Do you feel like you are falling in love with her, also do you feel she is falling for you? How receptive is she? Too many questions need to be answered rather than just "we haven't had sex for 2 months is she playing me?"
justme2781 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 talk to her. dont feel like your pressuring her but after acouple months its ok to talk about it especially if she is sleeping over or if you are definitely dating, just see how she feels. ask her what she is looking for and she should be able to tell you. every relationship is different. my last boyfriend and i slep together on the first date, we had known eachother, but still teh first date and no i dont sleep around lol. my current boyfriend it was about a month of dating first its all about her comfort level.
IcemanJB Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 ^^^ I agree. Just talk to her about it. I brought up exclusivity with the last girl, and I think it was about 2 or 3 weeks after that that we slept together. We knew each other for many months before that. Every situation is different, so if it's really on your mind, just bring it up next time you're together.
Author heartoutside Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Well that's kind of my point. I don't need sex to justify a relationship, but I've only been in relationships where sex was the starting point and then we got to know each other. So I don't know anything different. I'm perfectly fine getting to know her and totally enjoy spending time with her and I'm sure she feels the same as well (well almost sure! ). To be honest....I could just kiss the girl all night long and wake up happy. But she's only slept over once and she invited her self to do so (i didn't hint at it or ask her to what-so-ever). She has said that we are dating, has called me her "Bo," and referred to me as the guys she's seeing. But as far as bringing up if we're exclusive, I figured I would wait a little. Sometimes talk like that can freak a girl out, and I have a feeling it might freak her out a little. She has openly told me that she's a little scared (all be it while drunk)...but still. I guess I'll just let things flow as they will.....I'm just in totally new territory for myself as far as relationships go. It's usually been a 0-60 over night situation, this time for once it's going a little slower, thus bringing up some doubt because I've never experienced it before.
climbergirl Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I'm 40 and i've gone out with guys recently who I really do like, but would not sleep with them. Why? Because I do not want to go down that rode with as I'm not interested in them sexually. The guy I'm seeing now? Sex on the second date. It didn't feel rushed or unnatural-we just have great chemistry and went with it. And, yes, I do really like him and do want to continue seeing him. However, in reading your post I'm guessing that she is younger (20's ?). When I was that age, I would have done the same thing---wait on having sex. Timelines, I think, are much more important the younger you are. The emotional aspect of sex overrides the physical, and it can be scary to do too much too soon. Two months was usually how long I waited. I don't think you are getting played at all-don't listen to your friends. And as for the exclusivity, I don't think you should have a big talk about it. She maybe already assumes that you already are. If you have to clarify it, slip in a statement that you aren't interested in seeing anyone but her.
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 So then is it safe to say that if you have gone out with a girl 3 times or 3 weeks and you haven't had sex yet, it's best to move on?
Author heartoutside Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 She is younger, 24 to be exact. I'm not really listening to my friends, for the most part they just jump into bed with whom or whatever, which speaks volumes about how seriously I should take their advice! The only issue with bringing up our being exclusive has to do with our past. About 7 months ago, she and I dated VERY casually. But at the time, being back on the dating scene for the first time in 5 years (ex broke up with me 6 months or so before) I found out she was also casually dating another guy. But I guess that is what dating is, but I never played that way, I've always been a one lady dude, no matter what. So when I found out that they evolved into a relationship, I disappeared. They broke up 2 weeks later but during those 2 weeks she called several times but I didn't answer. We reconnected a few months ago, and it's been good ever since. We've talked about that and what happened, it's all water under the bridge. But her casual attitude about dating kind of causes me to cast some doubt on the situation slightly. But again, I guess time will tell.
yamaharoland Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 This may help if you want numbers. Did a Google search and found a Glamour.com poll. 26% - Less than 2 weeks 28% - 2 weeks to 2 months 28% - 2 months to 1 year 18% - More than 1 year http://answers.polldaddy.com/poll/1159394/?view=results Looks like a 50/50 split below and above the 2 month mark. Over 12,000 votes so you can consider it fairly dependable. Since it's a Glamour poll and looking at the phrasing of the question, I imagine most of the respondents fall into this category: - Women - Currently in a non-casual relationship (i.e. don't use these stats if you're out looking for girls who just want flings)
Author heartoutside Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 There's a Poll for everything!
IcemanJB Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 wow that's amazing there was a poll done on that...yeah, mine tend to fall right in the middle of the numbers.
Shygirl15 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 If you like a guy would you want to wait? Yes, but 2 months is way too long. How often do you see each other?
Author heartoutside Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 With our crazy schedules about once a week....but the first month of dating she was out of town for a week and I was as well so there was only a few face to face meetings when we first started dating. But we talk just about every night on the phone now just before going to bed, or text during the day if we can. There was also the issue of me gaining back her confidence after just disappearing and ignoring her calls way back when. So we were casual and just hanging out for the first month (jan into feb).
Star Gazer Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Yes, but 2 months is way too long. How often do you see each other? They've known each other 2 months, only dating for one.
Author heartoutside Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Do you do other stuff? Kissing? Make out? I'm not Amish....of course
allieapplesauce Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 i've dated a few guys for like 2-3 months before even a kiss! I realize now it was weird. only dating cause they paid and whatnot. anyway after the kiss i slept with the guy like 2 dates later. it lasted like a month then he ran off and started dating someone else. current boy i think could be the one. been about 6-7 weeks. weve talkeda bout it. hes talked about relationship stuff. like he's in it for the long hull. still not sure when to do thsi. still have some doubt. scared of the feelings that will grow and then that he'll leave and i'll die from being heartbroken. i cant tell if he likes me more than i like him... so...imho its not shes playing around. she might be a bit shy adn a little nervous and just wants it to feel right.
Author heartoutside Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 I kind of don't think she's playing around either, but just unsure and a little uncertain if she wants anything serious. We just met up for breakfast, which is kind of a big thing for her because she lives on the south side of the city (40 mins or so away) and she found time before work today to met up early and have breakfast with me before I headed out of town for a few days. But what i can't figure out, and I probably shouldn't even bother trying too is some of the things she'll say. Like she mentioned marriage or the idea or concept several times (all just generalizations and not marriage between her and I). And she kept talking about kids (her brother just had a little baby) and how she wants kids but just not right now, and how her parents are ready to have be grandparents to a ton of kids..... Then there is facebook...good ole facebook....about 3 weeks ago, a few days after our 2nd or 3rd real date she changed her status from reading nothing, to being single...and it still says that...not that I really care, it's only facebook, but it just seems odd. I figure when I get back from my trip I'm going to casually mention something....maybe?
angryyoungman70 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I've been seeing a girl for just about 3 months...we see each other several times a week but not for too long at a time. Her situation is difficult because she has 3 young kids to take care of and works full time. She is also recently seperated and has yet to introduce me to her kids. I'm in my late 30's she is in her late 20's...have not done the deed yet...and yes every situation is different.
pollywag Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 To be honest....I could just kiss the girl all night long and wake up happy. There is so much beauty in those words, please read them over to yourself because it is the purest of expressions. Enjoy this stage of your relationship for the excitement and promise that it holds, you are experiencing something much deeper than a physical sexual connection and if you continue on this path when you do get to give more of each other sexually it will be explosive. Your friends who only start relationships based on sex are missing out from the most rewarding of experiences, you are lucky enough to be living it. They can't understand so don't expect them to, they simply don't know better. Two months is not a long time, if you see each other once a week that is only 8 dates that is by no means a long time. You have your entire lives to have sex together if she is someone you can see in a serious light. Enjoy what you have, live and enjoy the moment, it is very rare these days to do and before you know it things will progress there naturally. It seems you have something very special.
Author heartoutside Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 I know it's a good thing to think and feel. But who knows if she feels the same way?
somedude81 Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 i've dated a few guys for like 2-3 months before even a kiss! I realize now it was weird. only dating cause they paid and whatnot. anyway after the kiss i slept with the guy like 2 dates later. it lasted like a month then he ran off and started dating someone else. How interesting. It took 2-3 months to kiss. But then you slept together 2 dates later. What caused you to sleep together so soon after the kiss?
pollywag Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I know it's a good thing to think and feel. But who knows if she feels the same way? The next time you are having a good time together and or if you are kissing her look her in the eyes and tell her "I like you" "I really like and enjoy spending time with you" see how she reacts. If you want to know if she likes you tell her you like her. How does she look at you, does she hold your gaze or gets shifty eyed? Is she available to you when you ask her out? Is she happy to hear from you when you make contact? Does she make contact with you and intiate dates too? What do you feel when you look into her eyes in terms of what she is feeling surely you must sense these things. Sex is not the only way a girl can show you if she likes you. Look for deeper signs. Sex will seal the deal and make it better, but you don't need it to see if she likes you. People as so quick to disrobe and have sex and have no fears when it comes to being so intimate, but are absolutely terrified of verbal communication.
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