4givrnt4gtr Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 So, i posted how my bf seems to still be hurt about his past relationship. This weekend he had a party where I wasnt invited because his friends were afraid of drama (his ex was going to be there). Well, he came home today, really really low. He said he felt ****ty about his life, he hated what was going on with it and that the only good thing he had was me (this seemed rather like an afterthought) We continued talking about his feelings and bassically we talked about how hard it had been to confront his ex. He felt like all the pain he had been thru rushed back and he felt really really bad about it. At some point he said he kinda felt those romantic feelings he had for her before, and it frustrated him that she still has so much power over him He is obviously very comfortable with me to be able to tell me all this. When i listen to it I take it from a friend point, i give him advice and comfort him but when I put back my "girlfriend" cap on....god it stings...he bassically told me he had feelings for someone else... When i realized this I kinda moved away from him, he asked me if everything was alright and I told him how, even though I was glad to hear him out sometimes i remember im his girlfriend and I was definitely not ok with him still having feelings for someone else. If that was the case, he needed to take some good long time on his own to get over it and then once thats sorted thru think about being involved with someone. he denied that he had said that, that what he meant was that he wasnt over the fact that his whole plan had crumbled like it did, and seeing her kinda brings that all back. (He had planned to marry her, they dated for 5 years) That since that ended he had been kinda lost because everything revolved around it. Anyway later we continued the conversation. I told him how I was so sad he wasnt feeling the joy and fulfillment I was feeling in the relationship. He said that it frustrated him as well because even though he knew in his head that this is what he wants, his feelings are telling him that what he wants is a relationship like he just lost. That it didnt make sense and it frustrated him but it was like, if it wasnt difficult, it didnt seem like a real relationship. That knocked the wind right out of me...again he is telling me Im not what he wants. I told him that if thats the case then maybe we should be friends, that i would be able to help him more that way than being his gf since it wasnt what he wanted anyway. he again said that it wasnt what he meant but that it was something so new to him that he didnt know what to think or how to deal with it. That he really wanted to stay with me, and see where this would lead to. That he was being really guarded bc off his ex, and that he needed time to be able to trust me, and trust the relationship. So i agree to stay with him, but now im concerned.....what if he is never over her....what if he never falls in love with me? am i wasting my time? am i risking a heartbreak for nothing??? I know he is hurt...and it was totally my fault for agreeing to date him knowing he had broke up with his 5 year old gf 10 months before.... I dont know what to do...should i continue being patient? or should I cut my loses and let him go to heal on his own?
Beautiful Inside Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 hey my love im so glad i came across this post i know this could prob make you feel better something ive experienced....ok check this out my bf im with now i knew of in high school all 4 years but he had a gf and even after we graduated they were always on again off again for at least 3 1/2 years after that...well we started hanging out only as friends in june of 07 and started dating in september of 07 and it was the scariest thing cause we both fell hard for each other i mean so hard we were inseparable everyday we had to be together right after work and he was asking me to stay the night with him every night i mean come on i was so falling for him he was gorgeous nice funny sweet had his own place great business etc... when i got into this relationship i knew about his long past and i knew they had still kinda talked but it was supposedly over with... she ****ed his best friend.... any ways he asked me out right we started dated officially and soon after he tells me one night in bed after sex he tells me that he didnt want me to tell people we were officially together cause he was worried about his ex's feelings and all even though she ****in ****ed his best friend i was like wtf!!!! so i jump out of his bed and took of to the door str8t up i was so livid he chased after me and told me he was sorry he wasnt thinking str8t he is over her and he doesnt even know why he cares about how she'd feel, i cant begin to tell you how sad and hurt i was....i went home the next morning without saying by he was in the shower getting up for work i snuck out and text him later saying i feel weird now after what he told me last night....he text back saying that he thinks everything happened too soon he should have taken time blah blah blah.... i deserve someone who can give me 100 percent and he didnt think he was ready for that.... wutever!!! so i cried that whole day and night and one day later he called me apologizing and since that day i decided to give him one more chance sine then we've moved in got engaged etc....my point is i felt what you r feeling its so hurtful and scary its like you wish you could know the outcome of the situation or what he was really thinking and feeling but you cant....you just got to do what you think is right for you and if your meant to be he will come back to you....i think you should let him have time to think things out and realize how your the better catch that he now has....tell him you want to give him that time and im pretty sure he will come crawling back to you in no time....it took my bf one day to realize he'd be making the biggest mistake in his life by letting me get away....
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 my point is i felt what you r feeling its so hurtful and scary its like you wish you could know the outcome of the situation or what he was really thinking and feeling but you cant....you just got to do what you think is right for you and if your meant to be he will come back to you....i think you should let him have time to think things out and realize how your the better catch that he now has....tell him you want to give him that time and im pretty sure he will come crawling back to you in no time....it took my bf one day to realize he'd be making the biggest mistake in his life by letting me get away.... Thats the thing though....i told him how if he needs time to get himself together then thats what he needs to do. He refuses to let me go, saying how he really really wants to be with me but he needs me to be patient to deal with this hurt.... I do wish things turn out like they have for you though, which is my hesitation for letting him go........ I guess whats meant to be will always find a way.....
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