Tizzy Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Every day? Several times a day? Once a week? I ask b/c I just ended a 7-month relationship where the communication efforts were extrememly one-sided (pretty much me!). At first this didn't seem like a dealbreaker to me, but over time and in conjunction with other issues that cropped up in the relationship, it was one of the reasons I ended things. I'm a verbally-oriented person and words are important to me. My ex was well aware of that, as it's something we had discussed time and time again, yet was completely unwilling to meet me halfway. His rationale was that we spent our weekends together so why care if we don't talk during the week. huh??? That never made any sense to me. Is this type of thinking an overreaction on my part? Frequency of communication has never been an issue for me in a relationship (usually talk every day), so it's caught me offguard that it was an issue in this relationship. Thoughts/experiences?? Overreaction on my part perhaps?? (of course I don't think so )
voldigicam Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Varies for me. Generally there's about an 8 hour gap each night, otherwise no more than perhaps 3 hours or so. But we have both business and family to coordinate. My non-sexual SO, at least every couple of days minimum. Often every day.
Trialbyfire Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 We talk daily, sometimes multiple times daily. While we didn't get together today due to workload, we did spend a couple of hours on the phone. Beyond that, we get together about 2 - 4 times a week.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 all day we live together and when hes at work and im at home im sending him texts and vise versa and we call each other about 4 times when hes gone at work and we are always together on the weekends too....
trubella Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 a few times a day. either online, phone, text. and no you werent overreacting, my ex was similar to yours that didnt last long.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 No, I don't think it was overreaction. You need to find somebody that's compatible with your communication level. These men do exist. My BF and I get together on my two days off every week, and then we talk twice a day on the phone. I'm constrained by cell phone minutes, but I also sleep during the day because I work at night. Otherwise I imagine we'd probably talk more.
Author Tizzy Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks its normal to talk to your bf/gf every day. HidingMe, good luck! At first I used to think i could deal with it too but quickly realized how crappy it made me feel. I hope your relationship has a better outcome than mine did.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I talk to him every day and see him 2-4 times a week. I had a RL a couple of years ago that ended because of this issue. He wouldn't call me during the week, just ring on Thursday or Friday for the weekend. I told him it bothered me and he said he would make an effort because he wanted to be with me. It lasted a little while, then dropped off again. I broke up with him and he was so sad...kept saying, are you sure? Well, yes, I was sure. Then a few months later he started dating another girl. I saw them out all the time. And that was just when I happened to see them! Imagin how many other times they were together? Bottom line was, they had more in common, and he wanted to talk to her more and see her more. They are now getting married. We are actually friends now, and I LOVE his fiance. They really are a better match!
Lindarose84 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Hmmm I might be in the minority as a woman, but I think everyday communication/contact is a bit much, at least for me. I'm the type of person that needs space otherwise I feel like the guy is smothering me which is a turn off because then he looks needy. The guy I'm seeing now texts me at least 10~20 times a day. And frankly, I'm starting to get annoyed because I don't like ignoring people so I feel inclined to answer all of these texts even when I'm super busy (I have told him my crazy schedule and he still feels the need to contact me constantly). A happy medium for me is physically being together at least 2-3 times a week with texting/calling on only 2 of the days we don't see each other leaving about 2-3 days of just solo time for the two of us. Again, this may be different since I'm in the exclusive dating phase and don't really call him my boyfriend so maybe the frequency of contact must increase in a bf/gf situation?
BobSacamento Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 One of my biggest fears is boredom. Both ways actually. Me becoming bored with her and me boring her.
Trialbyfire Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks its normal to talk to your bf/gf every day. It depends on the couple on what works for them or not. In some instances, people feel crowded when they're in a relationship and the other person needs more contact. If the two of you can work out some kind of happy compromise, then it's all good. If there's a major discrepancy between the two people about amount of contact, then I don't see it as a potentially viable long-term relationship. Worse yet, a major discrepancy with no potential resolution. Some are more social, others are less so.
RecordProducer Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 My ex was well aware of that, as it's something we had discussed time and time again, yet was completely unwilling to meet me halfway. His rationale was that we spent our weekends together so why care if we don't talk during the week. He's most DEFINITELY not in love with you.
Author Tizzy Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Hi everyone! I wanted to give an update. After a week of no contact I called my ex and we had a long talk about the things in our relationship that were problematic for one (or both) of us, and we talked about specific things each of us could do to help us get past these issues (including the communication issue that has been bugging me to no end). Before our conversation last weekend I was deadset on being done with the whole thing and had even contemplated dating other people, but after talking to him and doing some hardcore thinking about what I want in a mate and in my relationship, I realized that the few issues I have in my relationship with my ex right now are all things that can be fixed and are not longterm dealbreakers (as long as they are addressed and not left hanging). He is a very great guy with a lot of wonderful qualities and we get along great for the most part. I adore him to no end, and I have decided to stay with him so long as I see progress being made in the resolution of our problems.
Author Tizzy Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 He's most DEFINITELY not in love with you. Funny enough, he and I have talked about this and you're absolutely right. Nope, he's not in love with me. Hopefully one day he will be but if not, life goes on and I'll move on. But for the moment, I think our relationship is headed in a positive direction and I know this man cares alot about me and my child. We've got a lot in common, have great chemistry and really enjoy each other's company. We're both enjoying opening up to each other and getting to know everything about each other (the good, the bad and the ugly). Hopefully love will blossom one day. If not that's not a bad thing, it just means each of us has better matches out there waiting for us somewhere :-)
SaffronBlu Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 I'm glad things are better for you Tizzy. I see my SO for a 1/2 hour 3 times a week and usually Sunday for a couple hours. Other than that it's mostly MSN or sporadic text messaging. He's too "busy" for much of the week so sometimes it'll be days before I get some sort of communication from him. It's unfortunate much of times because it feels like he forgets I'm around but we're so busy in our own lives that I try not to over-think it much. SIGH
treyfan88 Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 When my bf and I were online/long-distance we would spend...literally 4hrs everyday talking to each other on an internet phone service. Even with the time difference, without fail, we would always talk for at LEAST 2hrs. Now that we're living together, obviously I see him everyday. We text each other once a day with stupid messages--sometimes I try to surprise him with random sexually explicit texts, lol. But we text during the day while I'm at school and he's at work. At least for us, there's constant communication.
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