porter218 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Is it possible or right to go NC with my H when we have 2 small kids involved. I still feel so hurt by him that it makes my blood boil after every conversation, i swear it makes me understand why people kill other people. I want to avoid getting angry like that but I think the only way is if I pretend like he doesn't exist and the last 7yrs didn't happen. But my big worry is that this may be the wrong move for my kids. Input needed here....please.
LoXs Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Hi, Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, I myself am in exactly the same situation. I promise you its not easy and its impossible to have NC when there are kids involved. Like you, she makes my blood boil to the point of becoming very angry and this usually ends up in an impressive argument and I do not have an answer for it just yet. I dont know if you can avoid getting angry, I try everytime and I always fail! It just seems to be a natural reaction to the situation and although you know its not the right reaction, self control is very hard to master sometimes! I promise I will let you know if I there is an answer to this problem as I am sure we cannot be the only ones trying to deal with it. How have you been trying to deal with it out of interest? I know its hard to see the person you love/hate all the time when sometimes you just wish they were not in your life, it would be so much easier to heal and move on. Unlucky for us we DO NOT have that option and we must find some other way of dealing with it. Good luck!
blind_otter Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I don't think it's possible to do NC with a co-parent unless that other parent is completely uninterested in seeing their kids, or is abusive or dangerous or unstable to the point that they are dangerous to themselves or others. I remember once during an argument my S/O said "whether we are together or not, I will still be around my son forever." For some reason, that statement gave me pause. You HAVE to find a way to come to a place where you can co-parent in relative peace - without anger, power plays, or pushing/pulling. I have seen the legacy of what happens when two parents cannot come to an agreement, it is ugly and the child is always torn in two and it messes their heads up in a huge, huge way.
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Maybe later in the future you two can be on 'friendly terms' which inturn will be better for your kids, but not now. Keep ANY conversation about the kids only. Go from there. Ask him to respect your wishes for distance... HE needs to understand that this is HIS doing, not yours.
hopesndreams Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 "whether we are together or not, I will still be around my son forever." Just keep every "convo" you have to have with him about your kids. Nothing else. He doesn't need to know your business. Your life is none of his business and his life is none of yours. Keep it strictly kid talk. Went through this with my first husband, in time if you do what is suggested he will back off and go get himself a life. The kids will be glad if it is just about them. They will notice your bad mood after dealing with their father and they will feel to blame.
Author porter218 Posted March 28, 2009 Author Posted March 28, 2009 Hi, I promise I will let you know if I there is an answer to this problem as I am sure we cannot be the only ones trying to deal with it. How have you been trying to deal with it out of interest? I know its hard to see the person you love/hate all the time when sometimes you just wish they were not in your life, it would be so much easier to heal and move on. Unlucky for us we DO NOT have that option and we must find some other way of dealing with it. Good luck! Well mostly I have been communicating by text message. It makes it easier to leave the emotion out of it. I have also made the decision recently to leave the discussion of his suspected infidelities(the recent ones) until after the divorce is final. I know that all he will do right now is cover his @$$ and deny, deny deny. I can't handle his denial and I know that the truth is going to hurt also. I am just glad to be closing this chapter because it has been a painful road with him. I have learned a lifetime of lessons.
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