willing Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 So what you are saying is he would eventually boldface lie to her and tell her he loved her to get "some." So what good would it do asking him in the first place? Even if he tells her he loves her, it doesn't guarantee anything. It certainly is not a "green light" to give in to sex if more than likely he is lying and it means nothing. I think that some OM do fall in love, but a lot dont because they fully intend not to get emotionally involved. I agree with you in that the less emotionally attached person should take care not to take advantage of the person in love with them, just for their 'own selfish agenda'. The only point in Asking outright why he came back, is for the OP to see what HE would say... perhaps he is one person who keeps quiet rather than boldfacedly lie, perhaps he is one who wriggles expertly out of the issue so as not to outright lie, and dodges and avoids, or perhaps -- he is one who eventually will say he loves her back. But at least if she asks, she has a chance of hearing HIS take on it, instead of just dreaming up the reason as to why he came back to her. Ask, and (sometimes) you shall receive (the truth). Even if you receive a lie, you can be mad later on, in retrospect, for him lying outright to you. But if you don't ask, if you just assume, you merely make it easier for the scoundrel to get away without even having to lie.
Author Heather1 Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 ugh & double ugh He didn't lie to me...he said "love" was the only boundary he couldn't cross. We had NC for about 6 weeks & when he got ahold of me it was to tell me this would never be about "love" for him. I got mad, asking him why he was pounding the point home & why - after 6 weeks of NC when I was feeling pretty good - did he contact me to make this point. Another week went by without hearing from him. Then, out of the blue he starts calling an emailing me to meet him for a few hours. I guess I thought he got mad at the fact the whole "love" thing came up (I had said it in parting, thinking we'd never have contact & I wanted him to know) and was wrestling w/ it, etc. & decided to meet after all. When we were together, we told each other we cared about each other, and I didn't bring up "love." He was honest (?), but he also knew I was VERY vulnerable & how I felt. I wouldn't have been able to turn him down, and he knew it. Our last conversation, before I initiated NC this time, was just about how unnatural I thought this all was. That the more vulnerable I get, the more he shoves me away. Before the kiss, he bought me presents, would do things for me, and was saying he was "falling for me." He was unbelievably considerate, like no one I've ever been with. I was riding on what he said to me before we kissed & hoping that feeling would come back to him. I told him if he was just doing this for the attention, he needed to let me go. He wants contact, and to be "friends." I just want to be normal again, and I can't be around him because the whole thing turned manic. I do appreciate his friendship & support from before, and I keep thinking about that part in letting him go. After the booty call though (my fault), I can't fathom being friends. Now it's too late. Sadly, I could have handled a full blown A over a belated one night stand.
Author Heather1 Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 10 days....as hard as it is (I think about him all the time) I'm glad to have one feeling instead of whatever feeling accompanied the phone call, txt or email at the time. How does this all usually play out?
wildsoul Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 10 days....as hard as it is (I think about him all the time) I'm glad to have one feeling instead of whatever feeling accompanied the phone call, txt or email at the time. How does this all usually play out? Back and forth. Back and forth. Until you say, "Enough!" Trust me on this one.
Author Heather1 Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 God I hope I'm done!! I've seen him driving around the past few days & I NEVER see him. I haven't seen him face to face since. If he shows, I'll see him for the first time on Friday & hopefully I won't start my day freaking out. Wish me luck!
taylor Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 God I hope I'm done!! I've seen him driving around the past few days & I NEVER see him. I haven't seen him face to face since. If he shows, I'll see him for the first time on Friday & hopefully I won't start my day freaking out. Wish me luck! It's done if you want it to be done. It's your choice..unless you want him to make the choice for you. Just keep remembering, "I'm just a booty call to him. I'm just a booty call to him. I'm just a booty call to him." That should keep you strong. GOOD LUCK!
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