luvstarved Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 My H and I are about to go off the cliff and wanting to go to a marriage retreat. We had found one that looked good on the surface and planned to go, but now that I have looked at the philosophy a bit closer, I am hesitant... We went to Worldwide Marriage Encounter last fall and I was fine with that one. My H is Catholic and I am...an openminded deist just a hair above agnostic. The one we are now looking at we found at familylife.com and the phrases that have given me pause are the ones that state (not merely suggest) that the husband should be the family leader and that the wife should joyfully submit to his authority. There was another reference to the idea that the primary reason to stay married was out of "Christian duty". I have no issue with faith-based stuff as long as it is not directly contradictory to my views. I have no issue with hearing things that I don't necessarily agree with and keeping an open mind that can change for compelling reasons...but I don't know if there will be a lot of good stuff about interpersonal communication laced with a little stuff that rubs me the wrong way...or if this marriage model focusing on husband's authority and marriage as a duty is going to be the overriding theme of the weekend. Has anyone been to a retreat that includes these beliefs? If so, am I misunderstanding them? And, do these themes dominate the weekend or is there something useful to be obtained for people who are trying to have a more equal partnership and a marriage more intended to provide mutual love and support and less stoic duty? Or - is this philosophy right and my resistance to it a part of my problem??? Thanks for sharing any thoughts/info. BTW I thought about putting this under spirituality forum but as my interest is more directly in helping my marriage, I put it here...
quankanne Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 like y'all, we've done an ME weekend, and my non-Catholic husband was comfortable with the content. Of course, it helped that the priest on the team was a friend of ours, a gentle soul who understood how terrifying it could be to be in this kind of situation, expecting finger-pointing and recriminations from unhappy spouses! TBH, I don't think I'd stray too far from a Catholic-sponsored event because something gets lost in the Protestant translation of things, not to mention the belief system is way different than ours, even though we worship the same Jesus. is it too late to look into other kinds of marriage enrichment programs? Locally, there is the "We Vow Now" campaign that's done through a government grant, and it seems pretty straight-forward but with a lot of similar stuff I've seen in ME ...
Author luvstarved Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 like y'all, we've done an ME weekend, and my non-Catholic husband was comfortable with the content. Of course, it helped that the priest on the team was a friend of ours, a gentle soul who understood how terrifying it could be to be in this kind of situation, expecting finger-pointing and recriminations from unhappy spouses! TBH, I don't think I'd stray too far from a Catholic-sponsored event because something gets lost in the Protestant translation of things, not to mention the belief system is way different than ours, even though we worship the same Jesus. is it too late to look into other kinds of marriage enrichment programs? Locally, there is the "We Vow Now" campaign that's done through a government grant, and it seems pretty straight-forward but with a lot of similar stuff I've seen in ME ... Thanks Quankanne...actually I was raised as a Presbyterian and my thinking is more aligned with that than Catholicism so I would welcome the contrast (my H has never learned anything other than Catholicism) but...there are many Protestant denominations that I have major issues with and by itself Protestantism is not a very telling term as Catholicism is. This one is just "Christian" so it is even harder to know what that means. I should google and find out what denominations hold to this marriage model... As to "too late", heck, I thought it was "too late" two years ago and I am still here I did some checking around and no luck yet but I will keep on it. BTW did you continue with the communication techniques from WWME? My H and I did for about a month and it was all good until I wrote something that he perceived as "trashing" him then we had a big fight about it and that was it. Sigh. Thanks again for the response!
imagine Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 If you are in America, I have been told that the Marriagebuilders Weekend is very, very good. The organizers are strongly Christian but the program is for any one.
quankanne Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 the technique fell by the wayside, because it just wasn't realistic, IMO, and husband thought I was trying too hard, lol ... however, the tools we learned that weekend has opened up dialog in the sense that we are more comfortable asking each other questions, instead of assuming this is what one person thinks, etc. keep checking around – as imagine points out, marriage builders is another avenue, and several people on this board are very enthusiastic about what they've learned from those particular retreats.
Enema Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I think Moose runs this type of thing? Try sending him a PM.
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