somedude81 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Confidence comes from knowing that you can do something successfully. Dating is the same way. You need to go on a lot of dates to become confident. The problem is that women actually require you to confident before you can date them. It's the whole "it takes money to make money" thing. So here is my suggestion that I have just started fallowing. Fake it. When you're around any girl no matter how unpretty she is flirt with and tease her. Don't be afraid to lower your standards if it means you can start getting some play. As long as nothing about her disgusts you then you should go for it. For example there is a bigger girl that I'm sure I could get who is in my social dance class. Hooking up with her would be a minor confidence boost but one nonetheless. Then one day dancing with her I noticed that she smelled like cigarettes and I was immediately turned off. So that just means I'll have to work on other girls that don't disgust me. Edit: One thing that must be said. I believe that all men that do very poorly with women should get tested for depression. Being depressed actually makes it harder to attract women. If you are depressed you should seek treatment ASAP. I just started my depression treatment and I'm starting to feel a little better each day.
Author Lights Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Positive feedback has always been a big help lol It would be, I'm sure. Unfortunately it's nowhere to be found. (Even worse, the negative "feedback" doesn't tell me anything useful at all.) Location, location, location. When I lived in one city, I had an awesome date every other week - finding a girlfriend was no problem. When I lived in another - I was lucky to have a decent date every other month. No worries. Keep doing what you're doing and don't sweat it. Things will change if you make a move or pick up a new hobby. Which cities are worth anything in this regard? (I can't move right now, but it'll be useful to know in the future.) so basically you learn nothing from your mistakes or successes? Precisely. It might as well be all luck for all I can tell. No information comes my way regarding why any given approach, word set, tactic, etc. may succeed or fail. It'd be much easier if I could learn from mistakes and successes, but at the moment I cannot. How is it done? I guess it's like golf; the best shots happen only when you don't try and don't think about it. That's the part I don't get either. When I don't try, I spend the time alone with no one around. That doesn't lend itself to romantic or sexual success either. It's great for accomplishing other things though (e.g. working out, reading, etc.) I stopped caring about outcomes or whether or not I had a girlfriend, and just had fun. Whenever I've been most carefree (but with some direction and ambition) is when I've had the most interest from women. That's what I was wondering about; why would I spend resources actively seeking to contact anyone if I didn't care about the outcome? I'd rather do things that I actually enjoy. The worst tends to happen when you start overthinking an analyzing the situation too much. You get nervous, anxiety, and stutter on words. That was how I used to be my first couple years of college. I think dating is always a continual learning process as each person is different and reacts to different situations. Some major milestones for me gaining confidence was just to force myself into social situations with regular people, guys and girls ...parties/events. Because the way I see it being competent and confident in socializing does have an impact on social interaction with women (especially the ones you want to get with). When I was younger I wasn't much of a social person and awfully shy which mostly got me nowhere. When you develop that social confidence, you're comfortable enough around yourself and others to joke around, talk and respond to dumb or intelligent conversations, witty banter, and even kino. So with that said, it is a major foundation to everything else women and asking them out. There are many creative ways to ask someone out on a date or join you for an activity. You just have to be socially diverse. I guess from that and going on many dates with women also helped build up my confidence with women. Talk about a circular trap. I can't get those "many dates with women". I can't even get them to talk to me at all, or even recognize my existence. I really know what you're talking about and I'm still working on getting my own confidence. So I'll tell you what seems to be working for me... I guess you'll be able to be confident when you'll realize that if a girl doesn't like you, it's not the end of the world. You'll be able to find another girl at least as good for you as her. Thankfully the "end of the world" thing's never been an issue (they're gone anyways when they reject or ignore me). But finding "another" girl isn't so easy if they nearly all treat me the same way. When you'll know that, you'll be in a much different position: you won't consider that this girl is making you a favor when she's with you but you'll see it the opposite way. Doesn't mean you have to be cocky though! I'd really like this, but sadly no one seems to view it this way. Approaches near invariably seem to be viewed as annoyances or as something to be ignored, not as me doing them a favor. (What's really infuriating is that even if they don't like my approaches, they don't even show any respect and admiration that my degree of social bravery is light-years ahead of theirs; not one of them has the skill and fortitude to walk right up and approach me or start a conversation or ask me out, but even a basic feeling of "Wow. He's got social skills and abilities in things that I could never do." isn't there.) Confidence comes from knowing that you can do something successfully. Dating is the same way. You need to go on a lot of dates to become confident. The problem is that women actually require you to confident before you can date them. It's the whole "it takes money to make money" thing. So here is my suggestion that I have just started fallowing. Fake it. When you're around any girl no matter how unpretty she is flirt with and tease her. Don't be afraid to lower your standards if it means you can start getting some play. How does one fake it? What are effective ways of flirting, and appropriate ways of teasing a woman? (I don't normally get enough information on people in order to be able to know whether and how teasing would even work.)
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