Fantastic1987 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 should i try to see him more or actually let him figure things out and continue to give him complete space im just scared its going to be "out of sight, out of mind kinda thing :(" here is the story. My bf turned 22 and i guess had a reality check. We were dating for 2 years and he was telling me how he feels old etc. then BOOM..we broke up but it was bitter sweet. He tells me how much he loves me and how hard it is and how amazing i am and how much he wishes he was 25 so he could marry me right now etc.Its so tough. I saw him 2 weeks after (we broke up on feb 1st) and he cant stop hugging me and treating me like his gf again when we see each other...open my door, kiss my hands, my nose etc. We are also both in ourr 4th year of university as well Honestly, the relationship was so mature and great. Even he admitted that when he was talking about it..sad ofcourse. We hvant talked since Valentines day and its hard because we talked everyday for a 2 years.But that was his choice. I always told him no pressure if he doenst have the time to text or call but for 2 years he always texted me "goodnight love" 2 weeks after the breakup i got a text from him saying how hard good breakups are and how much he misses me. ok, so about a month and he saw my a university the other day and i waved to him...he came up to me and hugged me for the longest time and kissed my forehead. I was confused but went back to studying.I got home and he sent me a msg later that night saying ti was good to see me and that he enjoyed the hug he also said that if we had started dating when we were 24/25 i would have been the one. & that right now he needs to figure himself out first. i replied and i agreed with him that he needs to figure things out and that 24/25 thing doesnt matter as you cannot time things like that. I wished him luck in his studies and everything. I saw him on the bus at university on friday and said hi to him he grabbed me adn hugged me adn kissed my forehead. When we were tlaking he kept saying how excited he was that hes getting into his program at uni and kept asking me what im doing this weekend. He was making fun of me sometimes too & hugged me. You know the usual stuff when we were dating. He seemed really happy to see me though, Then as he was getting off the bus he said that if him and his friend go out this weekend that i shoul come out with them. They didnt end up going out. Clearly he still misses me but isnt really doing anything :S But, its a good feeling to know he's still so nice & caring. The relationship he said was perfect to him.I guess im just the right person at the wrong time? He says he'll always think im amazing etc...I have not made any effort to contact him in any way..afterall he isnt contacting me so why should i right? However, when he saw me on the bus after university i could tell he still cared/loved me. I just wonder why is he so strong and is dealing with this so well? Obviously some days are really hard for me you know. He alwyas said we had such a mature relationship-no drama like our friends, no clingyness etc.but i guess i just wish it ended badly you know? Bad breakups are easier to get over rather than having someone still thinking you're amazing all around and still want this. He said its going to hurt him so much if i date someone else but when i am ready & fully over it, it will happen. But if he ends up dating someone else (although its hard to see that happening...i just wanna prepare for it you know incase) but its going to hurt me so much.
JadedHeart Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 There should be no excuses if you really want to be with someone. Timing? Needs to find himself? Complete bull*****. Would you cross the ocean for him? Bring him back the moon? Sounds like you really care for him, yet he does not feel the same. You deserve someone who feels the same. I was in a very similar situation, he's giving you nothing but false hopes and mixed signals. I would continue with no contact...
Author Fantastic1987 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 yeah. thats what i thought too so just stopped everything all together i still have all his expensive things and he hasnt asked ofr them back im not going to contact him regarding it though his parents are completely shocked by it and dont understand how a relationship can be so strong and then boom! its over. His mom called me this weekend to bake with her and his dad wants me to go for coffee with him. I told them im busy studyig for finals i dont think its healthy while i am healing, you know. I just dont know what to think. I am focusing on healing though adn getting over this but whenever i bump into him around campus he is so happy to see me. Next time he tries to kiss my forehead i may say something but not be rude about it. Its just salt on a wound you know
Lippy2 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Stay STRONG.... Focus on you, your studies.. Go out with friends... I understand what you are going through, I am going through the same thing. It's been 5 weeks NC at this point, some good days, some bad days. IF YOU NEED TO VENT, just come here... My thoughts are with you!!!
Author Fantastic1987 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 what was the reason you and your ex broke up and how long did you guys date for? yeah, im just thinking though when we are older and a few years from now was it worth it to have NC? you know? i know for now its the best thing though you know there is this guy that asked me to go out but i want to fully heal first but its so weird..i could talk to this guy for hours (something i couldnt do with my ex)
Lippy2 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 what was the reason you and your ex broke up and how long did you guys date for? yeah, im just thinking though when we are older and a few years from now was it worth it to have NC? you know? i know for now its the best thing though you know there is this guy that asked me to go out but i want to fully heal first but its so weird..i could talk to this guy for hours (something i couldnt do with my ex) Here is the link to my story.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180920/ We are older than you two. We are in are early 40's. I myself am struggling with no call. If he doesn't know he wants to be with me or can't for whatever reason, I can't see calling him no matter how bad I want to speak with him. You need to heal first, dating is fine but realize you are not emotionally ready yet. Go out and have fun but realize your limitations. You wouldn't want to get someone else involved in this. It's nice to feel wanted. I myself have not gone on any dates, even though asked, I can't see myself there yet. Read my post... You will certainly see all the different thoughts and feelings I have been through. It's a little different than yours but very similar as well..
JadedHeart Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 You know it's been about 7weeks since I've last seen my ex around campus and since our last contact, we both go to UT. I was in the same situation, that week I cooked for her family, she kept referring us to the future, such as moving in together etc.. The last time we bumped into each other on campus she tried to kiss me. I turned my cheek and did not let her. Later I asked her why would she try to kiss me if we're not together? She was also always ecstatic every time she saw me btw.. Her only retort was I miss you so much, but I can't be with you. I hate this feeling, but I just want to be in your arms and kiss you. WTF? I don't even know why she let me go? Everything was perfect. Funny thing is she also said if we were to have met a few years later on in life she would def be with me. Don't let him play around with your emotions. Set up your boundaries and don't let him kiss or hug you unless he wants to be with you. He's acting very selfish right now, continue with no contact and know from now on, if someone wants to be with you they will. Anything and everything else is BS
northstar1 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Sorry to hear you are going through this, it all sounds very confusing. Granted, 22 is young, and a lot of people at that age go through a period of not knowing what they want, and wanting to 'see what's out there", whether it's dating others, or just being on their own. Some just aren't ready to take that next step at that age, and so need to be alone and explore and figure out what it is they want in life. That being said, he's not being fair to you. Sending you mixed signals, the affections, the texting etc. I'm not surprised you are confused. No, you shouldn't contact him, and if he tries more of the 'hugging/kissing' etc, then you need to set a boundary and tell him it isn't going to happen. He needs to know breaking up means no more affections when he wants them. Be polite to him, but then just leave. It's all or nothing when someone breaks up with you. Good luck, you'll get through it, just keep busy with friends and your studies.
Author Fantastic1987 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Sorry to hear you are going through this, it all sounds very confusing. Granted, 22 is young, and a lot of people at that age go through a period of not knowing what they want, and wanting to 'see what's out there", whether it's dating others, or just being on their own. Some just aren't ready to take that next step at that age, and so need to be alone and explore and figure out what it is they want in life. That being said, he's not being fair to you. Sending you mixed signals, the affections, the texting etc. I'm not surprised you are confused. No, you shouldn't contact him, and if he tries more of the 'hugging/kissing' etc, then you need to set a boundary and tell him it isn't going to happen. He needs to know breaking up means no more affections when he wants them. Be polite to him, but then just leave. It's all or nothing when someone breaks up with you. Good luck, you'll get through it, just keep busy with friends and your studies. yes, he seems happy though. I really dont know if its because he hasnt dealt with it at all yet or if he is completely actually over the breakup he has been keeping himself really occupied. I dont want to do that right now. I want to cry as much as i can and vent/rant because once i get it out of my system i want it out completely and not have it linger you know? Yes, he is confusing when i see him i will have to try to completely avoid him. But its weird we dated for 2 1/2 years and i couldnt see myself marrying him yet. For me it was waaay too soon. i dont know how he said he could and wishes he was at settling down point but its not time. He is not living in now...he keeps worrying about age/time thing. Its a guy thing i think...to figure things out himself etc.
Author Fantastic1987 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 You know it's been about 7weeks since I've last seen my ex around campus and since our last contact, we both go to UT. I was in the same situation, that week I cooked for her family, she kept referring us to the future, such as moving in together etc.. The last time we bumped into each other on campus she tried to kiss me. I turned my cheek and did not let her. Later I asked her why would she try to kiss me if we're not together? She was also always ecstatic every time she saw me btw.. Her only retort was I miss you so much, but I can't be with you. I hate this feeling, but I just want to be in your arms and kiss you. WTF? I don't even know why she let me go? Everything was perfect. Funny thing is she also said if we were to have met a few years later on in life she would def be with me. Don't let him play around with your emotions. Set up your boundaries and don't let him kiss or hug you unless he wants to be with you. He's acting very selfish right now, continue with no contact and know from now on, if someone wants to be with you they will. Anything and everything else is BS hey yeah, thats what i am going to do. Oh you guys go to uni of toronto? thats awesome you;re in Canada. So are we. Not in the province of Ontario though. Anyways, yeah you are absolutely right. I want to get over this so bad. He keeps occupying himself completely. Sometimes i want to think he is over it already. Its been 2 1/2 years i need to cry and get it out of my system first i think. Its weird that your ex said those things for a girl. Usually girls are so different in the way they handle things than for a guy. From a girls perspective DEFINITELY NC for sure! dissappear! one day she is going to be really sad and all the memories will come rushing throuhg and then that day she will REALISE. Listen to Keith urban- you'll think of me Shakira- dont bother Its weird because we had such a mature relationship you know? we always agreed it was at a level adn not like our friends where there was clingyness,cheating, lots of fights between them etc. He told me that he knows i prob wont believe this seeing as its over but he really does love me and i dont have to asnwer back to that. He just wants me to know that. He says he wont be able to handle seeing me with someone else but eventually i wanna get over him completely and move on. Honesly thinking back some of his ways i couldnt handle if we were to stay together and get married one day. Also, sometimes kissing him was like kissing my hand haha arent you suppose to have an intense attraction when that happens especially for marriage? But it was the emotional aspect of it that was great. We were each others best friend. Its hurtful when someone tells you they wish we were 25. Makes you feel guilty you are younger and not that old you know? but maybe hes stepping out of the way for the another right one to step in
JadedHeart Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Haha yea I don't doubt that, all my friends say I spoiled her though... Cooking, singing, guitar, etc.. Never anything monetary wise, as I'm a broke college student lol. Everyone says she definitely will miss me because of all the nice things I did for her. I'm 23 and never went through that phase to find myself and don't know what I want. Like I said before I think any excuse is just BS for not wanting to be with you. Maybe I'm just an odd ball? But I've always known what I want... I see a pretty intelligent female, I want her. Go out and find yourself? What does that even mean? You've known yourself for 20+ years how do you go and find yourself?? I guess I'll never understand. Well I've been regressing pretty badly this past week.. Listen to Sara Baerilles - Gravity, it's a very deep song. Everyday will get better, but then one day BAM! you'll feel a relapse and maybe regress a bit like me. But know every time it does happen it's less severe each time. This is my 3rd horrible relapse in the past 2 months. But as everyone says it gets better, and the only way to heal is through no contact. Good luck to you, I'm sure you'll find someone who will make you happier than he did, as will I. Just stay strong best of luck!!! We're in this together!
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