Jordanjames Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I am conflicted right now I have a friend he's my only true friend to be honest and last year we got involved with each other. Last year we broke up because he said he wasn't "ready for a relationship". I think that was just his way of saying nicely that he didn't want to go out with me anymore of course. His situation is truly complicated he is closeted, South Asian, and his parents want to put him into an arranged marriage. He tells me that he loves his family but he cannot come out to them they would not understand. In November last year we had an argument and he said "I don't want to go out with you but I see you as close friend". We didn't talk for a month. In December we tried to patch up the friendship. In Feburary this year he went to Florida with his family and got me some gifts some T shirts. I tried to put my feelings aside because of course I have empathy for his situation it must be very hard for him to be South Asian and also gay. Also the whole arranged marriage situation sounds difficult. I just don't think his parents would understand. We have known each other for seven years but now I am thinking and wondering if I can truly be friends with him? I realize that I did "focus" too much of my energies on him and I made a vow to myself that in 2009 the focus will be back on me. I realize I am the only one that can "change" my life and make my life better. He has introduced me to his other "friends" a few times and I think that's nice of him but now I wonder if I am making the situation more complicated. But I wonder "can" I just be his "friend" anymore? Or am I making a fool of myself? I don't know what to do? A part of me feels like I should just talk to him one day and just break off the friendship? I wonder if I should just "stay" away and move on with my life? I have started to volunteer because I do want to meet new people and I found that volunteering has a postive impact on my self esteem. I haven't made any new friends yet but I want to expand my social circle. I don't know if I will "meet" someone new by volunteering but one thing I realize I have to "put" myself out there. I know I cannot isolate myself and mope like I did last year. I also started to attend a support group a few weeks ago on my own because I want to change my life for the better. A few weeks ago he had a movie screened at the local university and I was kind of ambivalent about attending the screening because I felt maybe it was best I shouldn't be there. Well he gave me a flyer for the screening and was talking about it constantly when I saw him one day when we went to see a movie together. He talked about the past when we were "just friends" that I did not attend his other after school activties. So I decided to attend the screening for the movie. Should I end a seven year friendship that turned into something more but now is just a friendship again? I do value him as a friend but I keep on telling myself to keep on being "busy" and then eventually the feelings will die off for him.
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