Mary Lynn Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. We are both older-in our late fortys-early fifties, first time marriage for both of us. Our first year went fine. Since then there have been lots of stresses: aging parent issues, moving to new area for new jobs for both of us, one of us losing a job, some health issues. We haven't had sex for 18 months and no he isn't cheating on me. He says he is tired or he infers that I am. I initiate wanting sex, but then he backs off even when we agree on a "date" to get things going again. He lacks affection towards me, although he treats me well enough. We don't do anything together any longer except going to church once a week and some shopping. I don't understand what is going on! He is more attentive to my cat than to me. He is an intelligent person and I believe an honorable one however, he does have difficulty wanting to discuss issues such as communication or sex. Does anyone have any idea what could be going on here? I am at a loss and becoming frustrated with this situation. I want us to move forward and be companions/lovers again.
Lizzie60 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Hum.. could be a medical problem.. maybe he has a hard time sexually.. it's been a long time.. something is definitely wrong.. some reasons could be: medical; he's gay; fell out of love.. sees you more as a 'sister' than a wife has zero desire for you; or he has a mistress.
signedin2008 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Hum.. could be a medical problem.. maybe he has a hard time sexually.. it's been a long time.. something is definitely wrong.. some reasons could be: medical; he's gay; fell out of love.. sees you more as a 'sister' than a wife has zero desire for you; or he has a mistress. I list from most likely to least likely as the following order: 1) Medical 2) Has a mistress 3) Sees you as a sister 4) Gay
AnthonyF Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. We are both older-in our late fortys-early fifties, first time marriage for both of us. Our first year went fine. Since then there have been lots of stresses: aging parent issues, moving to new area for new jobs for both of us, one of us losing a job, some health issues. We haven't had sex for 18 months and no he isn't cheating on me. He says he is tired or he infers that I am. I initiate wanting sex, but then he backs off even when we agree on a "date" to get things going again. He lacks affection towards me, although he treats me well enough. We don't do anything together any longer except going to church once a week and some shopping. I don't understand what is going on! He is more attentive to my cat than to me. He is an intelligent person and I believe an honorable one however, he does have difficulty wanting to discuss issues such as communication or sex. Does anyone have any idea what could be going on here? I am at a loss and becoming frustrated with this situation. I want us to move forward and be companions/lovers again. Too many holes.... How long did you court? How much sex did you have prior? What are your sexual histories prior to meeting? First time marriage at that age may contain the answer on his part.
imagine Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I married at 39. My wife's sexual appetite was much stronger than mine. I was scared that I could not keep up with her. This is what put a damper on our sexual relationship. I began to avoid her in case I got "mugged". Since then we have discussed our situation and things have got very much better. I'm now 52. Due to my present medical problem, she does not want me to use Cialis to come to our aid. I try to keep fit to overcome any reticence from my behalf. Talk to hubby.
hopesndreams Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 He most likely has erectile dysfunction and the more he cannot "perform" because he doesn't have any help, viagra, the more chance he will be filled with anxiety and dread having anything physical with you. Let him know it's ok to just snuggle and try to get him to see a doctor, or else just order some viagra online.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 He most likely has erectile dysfunction and the more he cannot "perform" because he doesn't have any help, viagra, the more chance he will be filled with anxiety and dread having anything physical with you. Let him know it's ok to just snuggle and try to get him to see a doctor, or else just order some viagra online. I agree with this. I am early 40's my b/f is early 50's - our sex life started off like gangbusters, and very quicky disovled to what you described. Finally he went to therapy with me, and eventually an actual medical doctor where he foudn out he has low testosterone. Since testosterone replacement can cause cancer, we opted to go the viagra route. I'm not saying we are back to where we once were, but it is better. The biggest hurdle we have now (at least in this department) is my issues over all that time I felt so rejected. He wants me to initiate and I tell him he's got a lot of making up to do for me to put myself out there again. Good luck!
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