milos_dad Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Hi, I have been with my wife for 8 years now. We were married last May . Last month, after I complained about her going out late with her friends so much, she told me she wanted out of the marriage and that she did not love me anymore. She said she is basically going through a mid life crisis ( she is only 28) and that she now sees that she is not ready to settle down ( after 8 years??) and wants the freedom to go where ever and whenever she wants without worrying about someone holding her back . I have never been the affectionate type and I feel that throughout the years I caused her to feel this way . She even said that before the marriage she already felt that way but she just wanted to give it a shot and hope things changed. I basically have never been there emotionally for her , just physically. So, it has been a month now and we are still living together as room mates basically, we don't sleep in the same bed, we are rarely home together. We have opposite work schedules. We want to wait until my stepdaughter is done with school before they move out to a different area where all her friends and family are out. I am sure there isn't another man involved. I just see that she just wants to hang out and go clubbing with her friends and i'm just getting in the way. She has been clubbing since her early teens and I guess she just can't stop like I thought she would. This is also my fault because I usually never wanted to go out so I would always tell her " go out with your friends ". It's just hard living with someone that you still love and care for so much just knowing that they will be gone in 3 months. My question is, how do I go on living these 3 months with her still in the house? It would be easier for me to start over ( not that I want to ) and go on with my life if I didn't see her everyday . But I don't want to tell her I think she should move out. I guess I kind of want her to see what life is going to be like without me in it and hopefully she would have a change of heart.
thelostsoul89 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 This really angers me! Her just throwing away eight years like its nothing... to go have "fun". If she was already feeling that she wanted to leave then why even marry you? People like this dont care who they hurt or who they have to walk all over. It seems like a phase the clubbing thing, I mean shes not getting any younger. It seems like shes not thinking clearly. I can understand you not wanting her to move out and all, but it's going to be extremly difficult and hurt you in the long run. If my significant other wanted to leave for such a childish reason he would be out. Its your choice whether you want to put yourself through all the unessary pain of her staying there. I wish the best of luck!
JLee26 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 do what is best for your daughter, she is the one that matters. If wifey is out to party, let her go. she will be the one downgrading, and why wait till school is out, make her leave now. it is a bad example for your daughter on how a woman should act. Wifey needs to grow up and realize there will always be booze and parties, but love is far and few between. and when she comes crawling back, STAND YOUR GROUND.
imagine Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Hi, I am sure there isn't another man involved. We hear this statement often enough. A wife needs minimum 15 hours per week quality time. It's your job to do this. If you don't its called neglect. Sleep in your own bed. Turn your whole life around or never get married. At this time you will need to invest 25-30 hours to restore the relationship.
2sure Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Your wife is trying pull a "walk away" ... And life just isnt like that. She has responsiblities and obligations that will exist whether or not she is married...but she has somehow tied in her need to grow up and be responsible with the marriage and thinks she can avoid it by leaving. Frustrating and unrealistic but no uncommon. And she has a child - your step daughter. Sadly, all of this will affect her the most especially since you have no parental rights. Normally the best and surest way to deal with this would be to take the control away from your delusional wife...by booting her out right now and forcing the reality of her decisions on her. But she wants to stay living with you for the moment so that her daughter can continue school. FINE. The daughter can stay Mon - Fri and even weekends if needed - until the end of the school year. But sorry, she has got to go. If the marriage is over - somebody leaves. Your wife is not capable at the moment of making decisions, clearly. Make them for her. Period.
Author milos_dad Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 If she was already feeling that she wanted to leave then why even marry you? It seems like shes not thinking clearly. She said that she was hoping things between us would change and give it a try, but she just didn't see any hope anymore.... I agree that she isn't thinking clearly and also getting the help of her single, no life having , party hungry friends to persuade her into this also I believe.
Author milos_dad Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 why wait till school is out, make her leave now. Because we don't want to have to transfer my step-daughter to another school in the middle of the year.
Author milos_dad Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 We hear this statement often enough. A wife needs minimum 15 hours per week quality time. It's your job to do this. If you don't its called neglect. Sleep in your own bed. Turn your whole life around or never get married. At this time you will need to invest 25-30 hours to restore the relationship. I paid a lot of money to find this out....
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