Aerorobyn Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 After so much trying since the breakup last week, I finally deleted him off of my Myspace and Facebook last night. I told him, at this point, after almost two years together, I can't just be his "friend" like he wants and pretend that there was never anything between us. Last night before deleting him, I thought I'd go back and read a few old messages he sent me (I know, probably not the best idea...but I just wanted to see the memories...). After reading one message in particular, I got SO angry (yet, sad at the same time). The message was sent to me back four months ago, while we were still dating, and I was "questioning" whether or not to end things because we couldn't seem to work things out. And the things he said to me in this message.... "Honestly, I don't like the fact that I have to deal with you getting in these bad moods all the time. That, I am tired of, but I am willing to deal with it because I accept that about your personality." ---That's what he said then. But he said that's one reason we broke up a week ago, was because of my bad moods, even though they have gradually lessened over the past few months. "I do a lot for you and it's like you take it for granted, or that it's not enough for you. I'm sorry that I can't be more for you." ---A few days after the breakup, when I was apologizing for wrongs I had done, I told him I was sorry I took him for granted--I know I did! He told me that I never took him for granted. However, in this message from four months ago, I apparently did. Which is it? Did I or did I not? "I do see a future for us if you're willing to wait for me." --This is the one that probably hurts the MOST! Because when we broke up last week, another reasoning was because he no longer saw a "future" between us. How could he have told me four months ago that he definitely saw a future, and now he doesn't? I was holding on to that hope. I wanted (and still do want...) a future with him. "I love you...and I do see us lasting longer and making more of ourselves if your willing to accept me for who I am." ---I accepted him for who he was. Never asked him to change. Why can't he accept me for who I am? Really, I'm just an emotional wreck. The mornings have been VERY tough for me...because he used to call me every single morning to tell me "good morning beautiful", and now it's gone. The afternoons and evenings are a bit better, because my anger and frustration starts to come out, but I'm still deeply hurt on the inside. I mean--how can this be? When I was debating on whether or not to just break things off, he explained himself...I listened to every single word he said. I believed every single word he said. And I did not end things, because I knew deep down it wasn't what I truly wanted. I wanted HIM, only him, and for us to be able to work our problems out. Now, he has broken up with me. I've tried explaining myself and everything...but he is not taking me back. At least not now, maybe not ever. But that's all I want. And now I'm beginning to cry again...
Recommended Posts