drummerprince81 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Its been 3 weeks since me and my girlfriend broke up now, and yeah I've been hanging onto hope. She left me hanging, but I said I'd give her space and so that is why I've been hanging on there, struggling to move on - struggling to even understand what went wrong but I'm pretty sure its timing. I felt the urge yesterday to contact her, just to test the water and to see how she was. She hasn't made an effort to contact me in 19 days, but from a female point of view, would me not contacting her make her think I don't care anymore? Everyone says let them make the first move but I just feel me not contacting her has backfired because it is only today she has changed her relationship status on her web blog. I believe she probably does want to hear from me. I haven't been hounding her, I haven't been chasing her - I gave her the space, but perhaps it looks like I've given up now? I understand NC is a tool for YOU to recover, but at the same not contacting someone shows ignorance. I don't want her to recover you see!!! I want her to come back to me!!! I guess maybe it is too soon for that. People say absense makes the heart grow fonder, or people more curious but I haven't heard from her in 19 days now and when you go from seeing each other on an almost daily basis, that is a long time.
Peter_pan Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Its been 3 weeks since me and my girlfriend broke up now, and yeah I've been hanging onto hope. She left me hanging, but I said I'd give her space and so that is why I've been hanging on there, struggling to move on - struggling to even understand what went wrong but I'm pretty sure its timing. I felt the urge yesterday to contact her, just to test the water and to see how she was. She hasn't made an effort to contact me in 19 days, but from a female point of view, would me not contacting her make her think I don't care anymore? Everyone says let them make the first move but I just feel me not contacting her has backfired because it is only today she has changed her relationship status on her web blog. I believe she probably does want to hear from me. I haven't been hounding her, I haven't been chasing her - I gave her the space, but perhaps it looks like I've given up now? I understand NC is a tool for YOU to recover, but at the same not contacting someone shows ignorance. I don't want her to recover you see!!! I want her to come back to me!!! I guess maybe it is too soon for that. People say absense makes the heart grow fonder, or people more curious but I haven't heard from her in 19 days now and when you go from seeing each other on an almost daily basis, that is a long time. good post. yeah i think your right that it shows ignorance. if i could re wind the hands of time, i wouldnt have gone into nc. if i was strong enough to handle her being with this new guy i would have stayed in touch, and when they broke up which was 2 - 3 months later i probably would of had a chance, bow there back together for good by looks of it, also i didnt want to be her safety net or door matt i was hoping it wouldn't work out for them and she would learn a vital life lesson, but it seems she skipped the karma and got away with being horrible to me. but then say that had worked would i truly be happy and knowing she can do such a thing after a 3 year relationship... im not so sure. you say she changed her relationship status...? from what to what. everyone is right in sayin let her make the right move, however if you were the one dumped then it is highly unlikely that the dumpee will contact you...
Author drummerprince81 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 I'm glad you see it my way too. She might see it as ignorance, but at the same time I wasn't doing it intentionally. Its just time has gone on, and you wonder, what if I just tried it a couple of days ago. I was scared of facing the truth, that it really was over but now she has changed her status on her web blog so I'm no longer on it, and I just think by texting her yesterday it might have made a difference. It might not have - but now I will never know. It is such a delicate situation, and she has treated me with no respect in the last 19 days even though it is both our first love and we were together for 21 months. Every day is important I guess. There is absolutely no way I will be her safety net. At the end of the day, it feels really sad now she has taken me from her webpage - like this is the curtain call. Yesterday, I was on it. I just think the status change has made my chances of reconciliation futile - or am I really being over cynical here? I was dumped, she is the dumper by the way..
northstar1 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Its been 3 weeks since me and my girlfriend broke up now, and yeah I've been hanging onto hope. She left me hanging, but I said I'd give her space and so that is why I've been hanging on there, struggling to move on - struggling to even understand what went wrong but I'm pretty sure its timing. I felt the urge yesterday to contact her, just to test the water and to see how she was. She hasn't made an effort to contact me in 19 days, but from a female point of view, would me not contacting her make her think I don't care anymore? Everyone says let them make the first move but I just feel me not contacting her has backfired because it is only today she has changed her relationship status on her web blog. I believe she probably does want to hear from me. I haven't been hounding her, I haven't been chasing her - I gave her the space, but perhaps it looks like I've given up now? I understand NC is a tool for YOU to recover, but at the same not contacting someone shows ignorance. I don't want her to recover you see!!! I want her to come back to me!!! I guess maybe it is too soon for that. People say absense makes the heart grow fonder, or people more curious but I haven't heard from her in 19 days now and when you go from seeing each other on an almost daily basis, that is a long time. You need to realize that giving space/NC is not showing ignorance. It is you backing off and finding perspective. I'm not sure why your relationship ended?? but 19 days is not very long (although I know it seems an eternity) after a breakup. She isn't going to forget you in 19 days. But maybe some background on why you split and how she communicated to you at the time, will help us give you more advice
Author drummerprince81 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 I can't find the link but if you have a look at my posts, my story is the first one...if you don't mind looking! As of yesterday, I had a gut feeling that I should text her. I listened to too many people and in the end, chickened out. I never ever go with my gut, and even if I ended up hurt, I should have texted her yesterday. I just think the timing is crucial. And crucial in the way the last 7 days have been crucial, and I've been wondering if she is just being stubborn waiting for me to contact - therefore a stalemate, and a very unfortunate outcome. But maybe, I'm just getting paranoid about it all.
carhill Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 OP, she dumped you. She took affirmative and proactive steps to end your 21 month relationship. Your "gut" is merely the brain chemicals induced from 21 months of emotional and sexual intimacy. The "Cheers" effect Stay away from the bar long enough and you'll find another bar with an equally if not more welcoming atmosphere. If she wants to be with you, she will. Your job is to have conditions for that. No one dumps you and gets a free pass. Remember that.
EmperorR Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 OP, she dumped you. She took affirmative and proactive steps to end your 21 month relationship. Your "gut" is merely the brain chemicals induced from 21 months of emotional and sexual intimacy. The "Cheers" effect Stay away from the bar long enough and you'll find another bar with an equally if not more welcoming atmosphere. If she wants to be with you, she will. Your job is to have conditions for that. No one dumps you and gets a free pass. Remember that. Listen to this man. Trust me if she was with someone knew and then broke up and came back to you, it would only last for awhile before you get dumped again.
Island Girl Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 I understand NC is a tool for YOU to recover, but at the same not contacting someone shows ignorance. I don't want her to recover you see!!! I want her to come back to me!!! I guess maybe it is too soon for that. People say absense makes the heart grow fonder, or people more curious but I haven't heard from her in 19 days now and when you go from seeing each other on an almost daily basis, that is a long time. The second she asked for space you should have clarified that you are not just giving her space -- you are considering it a break up (because it is). And she does not need the NC to recover. The fact that she said she wants space means that she was already moving away from the relationship.
BCCA Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 What do you mean by 'but at the same not contacting someone shows ignorance.' How are you being ignorant by not contacting someone who said they were done with you? Dont talk yourself into believing that if you just stick around and show her that your just fine, shell come running back, because thats BS. wondering if she is just being stubborn waiting for me to contact - therefore a stalemate, and a very unfortunate outcome Here it is: she is not that interested in calling you, and isnt concerned if you meet someone else. Thats why she isnt calling. Its not because shes just stubborn or waiting you out, its just not that important to her. You would like to believe that shes waiting you out, because that coincides with your hope that she'll want to get back together. I should have texted her yesterday Why? What did you need to say that was that important? 19 days Is hardly more than 2 weeks, although I'm sure its been rough. Trust me, thats nothing. If she was to ever change her mind, it would take a LOT longer than that. Stay NC, and try and move on.
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