Ruby Slippers Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 On our last date I did tell him that I have noticed that he is going bald and he should really do something about it before it gets worse He HATED that but it did shut him up. He kept touching his head/hair all night and looking in the mirrors Awesome.
2sure Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 He is critical to the point that he doesnt even realize that his criticism is unwanted and hurtful. Possibly he was raised with criticism. But thats not even the largest concern. Couple his critical comments with the fact that he will not compliment you directly... He wants the upper hand, and will demean you to ensure it is his.
Cherished Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 ED.....Trust me, he won't be able to get it up.
Mahatma Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Mystery helps insecure guys realize that they need to stop placing pretty ladies so high.
MN randomguy Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 Ok good!! I think you should. But I did read about these pick up techniques, they are really out there and pahtetic. Ummm no, I am walking away Wow, yeah I didn't expect everyone to pile-on like that. I read up on them too. It looks like those insults are called NEGs and are supposed to reduce girl's self worth and make her more vulnerable to having sex. Guess what guys? IT DOESN'T WORK!! I would have liked the guy if it wasn't for the half-insults. I think if you're posting here you need to always be BRUTALLY honest. This guy, for whatever reason has had such bad luck that he's had to resort to these techniques. He may be a really great guy and has had multiple dates with you. So, maybe its gotten him further than being himself. Did you have a grown-up talk about which specific incidents upset you? Being Bruttally honest with yourself, do you think you'd still be dating him if he had nothing but super sweet things to say to you? Lets look at empirical data. Tell me about the guys that have successfully pursued you in the past. Then yes, dump the jerk. He's one of two things, he's either a PUA jerk or he's an overly-critical jerk. Take your pick which kind of jerk but jerk he is! The book I read said there are three types of men. I'll list them in ascending order of the amount of success they have with women. 1. Nice Guys (doormats) 2. A$$-holes (Jerks) 3. Alpha Males (well, rock star type popular with the ladies dudes) He most likely was #1. and is in the process of trying to re-invent himself.
soserious1 Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I have now been on 4 dates with a guy that I am still on the fence about. He says exactly what's on his mind when it comes to my looks and it really annoys me. Examples: 2nd date he picks me up and says "I prefer the dress you wore last time" followed by "You should have done something different with your hair".. Third date I am showing him my photo album and he says : "You looked much better with dark hair".. It makes me feel very insecure, he has never given me a compliment. Other than that he seems really into me. Girls would this bother you or am I over-reacting? Is this man frightfully bright ? Does he work in IT or engineering ? He could very well be a person who struggles with Aspergers syndrome.
JerseyShortie Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 This guy, for whatever reason has had such bad luck that he's had to resort to these techniques. He may be a really great guy and has had multiple dates with you. So, maybe its gotten him further than being himself. Did you have a grown-up talk about which specific incidents upset you? Being Bruttally honest with yourself, do you think you'd still be dating him if he had nothing but super sweet things to say to you? Lets look at empirical data. Tell me about the guys that have successfully pursued you in the past. Great guys don't put you down. Period. How are you suppose to have a grown up conversation with a man that resorts to techniques that is meant to humilate his partner or "take her down a peg"? I mean seriously, he is saying not so nice things to this lady and you want to still defend him and give *him* sympathy and credit and justification? How about stepping up to the plate and realizing that his actions are based on HIM. Not what others did or didn't do to him. You decide who you want to be regardless of circumstance. He most likely was #1. and is in the process of trying to re-invent himself. So his reinvention should come at the price of her self worth?
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 I have since broken things off with this guy and have told him that we are not compatible. I mean after every single date I felt quite low about myself and I seriously do not need that in my life. I do not care what problem the guy has, I have to protect myself. I mean why would I in my right mind keep dating him and possibly get attached to him to a point where I would find it difficult to break it off, while he keeps destroying my self-esteem (which is not all that high to begin with)?
Cherished Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I doubt he could get it up anyway. ED. That's what his comments were masking.
MN randomguy Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I have since broken things off with this guy and have told him that we are not compatible. I mean after every single date I felt quite low about myself and I seriously do not need that in my life. I do not care what problem the guy has, I have to protect myself. I mean why would I in my right mind keep dating him and possibly get attached to him to a point where I would find it difficult to break it off, while he keeps destroying my self-esteem (which is not all that high to begin with)? Understandable, This really is an interesting case for me to study though. So, what have other guys you've dated been like? What would have you done had you not gone to these forums? Great guys don't put you down. Period. How are you suppose to have a grown up conversation with a man that resorts to techniques that is meant to humilate his partner or "take her down a peg"? I mean seriously, he is saying not so nice things to this lady and you want to still defend him and give *him* sympathy and credit and justification? How about stepping up to the plate and realizing that his actions are based on HIM. Not what others did or didn't do to him. You decide who you want to be regardless of circumstance. Not really defending him. I understand that you are what you do. So his reinvention should come at the price of her self worth? No, but her self-worth should not hinge on what others say/think about you.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 Understandable, This really is an interesting case for me to study though. So, what have other guys you've dated been like? What would have you done had you not gone to these forums? I genuinly prefer nice, kind, trustworthy men. It is so not true that all women like *********s. That being said there needs to be some attraction there. BTW I have just turned 30. I did think differently in my teens/early 20's. My ex bf seemed very nice and trustworthy at first. I got attached to him and once he has shown his true colors it was very difficult to let go (after about 7 months of dating). He did and said all the right things at the start. THEN he started lying about minor things, he was talking to his ex gf behind my back and was generally being distant and unavailable. I got quite sick I remember and he acted annoyed - didn't really care at all. I would even go as far as to say that I would be happy with a man who treated me well and is kind to me even if there is minimal physical attraction. One HUGE turn off for me though is clinginess. That's no 1 reason most guys don't get past first few dates. If I have just met someone I do not want to be called 3 times a day. I need time to process things and build the connection slowly. I get so annoyed with men who do this that seeing them and talking to them becomes a chore. Finally, I would break up with a guy in the OP even if I haven't posted here. That was my intention before making the OP and I was just looking for confirmation that I am being reasonable.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted March 26, 2009 Author Posted March 26, 2009 No, but her self-worth should not hinge on what others say/think about you. In theory I agree with you. But I don't think that I have met many people who are so well balanced that other people's opinions don't affect them at all. I am probably more insecure than an average girl so a guy that is quite sensitive to that is a must for me. I beleive that the right guy will complement me in such a way that he will bring out most of the positive aspects of my personality...
crimsonrose Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 I have now been on 4 dates with a guy that I am still on the fence about. He says exactly what's on his mind when it comes to my looks and it really annoys me. Examples: 2nd date he picks me up and says "I prefer the dress you wore last time" followed by "You should have done something different with your hair".. Third date I am showing him my photo album and he says : "You looked much better with dark hair".. It makes me feel very insecure, he has never given me a compliment. Other than that he seems really into me. Girls would this bother you or am I over-reacting? Hell yeah thatd upset me. But something I learned through dating my fiance, is that, some people just arent raised with things you'd think are common sense. He was never raised to apologize. At first he;d never apologize to me. I told him over and over, thsi hurts me, and raised to or not, you need to say sorry and mean it when you wrong me. And now he does it without hesitation. I was raised to procrastinate. This drove him crazy. Now I am slowly learnign to get off my bum and get things done asap. Thanks to him Moral of the story, yes, thats really rude of him, but maybe he's just never been taught otherwise. Maybe he's an angel in disguise, but he can't compliemtn a woman for the life of him. Tell him this bothers you, and how beautiful it amkes you feel when he says nice thigs about you.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 No, but her self-worth should not hinge on what others say/think about you This is rather irrevelant. This isn't a question about her self-esteem. It's a question about his treatment of her.You can't claim that a woman never said anything to you that made you angry. That doesn't mean it should be justified because her daddy use to lock her in the closet while he drank on the sofa.
MN randomguy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I genuinly prefer nice, kind, trustworthy men. It is so not true that all women like *********s. That being said there needs to be some attraction there. BTW I have just turned 30. I did think differently in my teens/early 20's. Interesting. I am 29. I have VERY little dating experience. Ideally, I'd like to know my wife for a few years before kids. So, I'd like to be successful in dating women in their early 20s. How did you think differently at that age? What type of guys did you date back then? My ex bf seemed very nice and trustworthy at first. I got attached to him and once he has shown his true colors it was very difficult to let go (after about 7 months of dating). He did and said all the right things at the start. THEN he started lying about minor things, he was talking to his ex gf behind my back and was generally being distant and unavailable. I got quite sick I remember and he acted annoyed - didn't really care at all. Would this be any different had you met your ex 7 years ago? or the guy you OP'd about? Finally, I would break up with a guy in the OP even if I haven't posted here. That was my intention before making the OP and I was just looking for confirmation that I am being reasonable. OK, good to hear.
JerseyShortie Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You're 29 and have had little dating experience?
MN randomguy Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 You're 29 and have had little dating experience? Yep, messed up family, poor self-esteem, all sorts of issues. at this point I don't even have the energy for a relationship. If I want to be lied to and manipulated by a woman, I call my mother. I used to be the "Nice Guy" don't know what I am now. I most identify with Kashmir's "Women are Wicked" opening post. I've always been eager to get to a point where I'll be in a position in life to get a good GF. Over the last 2 years I've finally realized that my family and friends don't care about me and that its more fun to make fun of me and see what they can get out of me. So, Anyhow, building a new life and am working on marketing myself effectively.
Trialbyfire Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 The book I read said there are three types of men. I'll list them in ascending order of the amount of success they have with women. 1. Nice Guys (doormats) 2. A$$-holes (Jerks) 3. Alpha Males (well, rock star type popular with the ladies dudes) He most likely was #1. and is in the process of trying to re-invent himself. When a guy is in transition, it can be an exercise in futility. Since she's only dated him four times, it makes no sense to continue any further. Better to find someone who knows who he is. This is giving him the benefit of the doubt, that he's solely in transition. If he's just an overly-critical jerk, then there's more reason why she should dump him.
CommitmentPhobe Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 I don't think this is anything to do with PUA, the guy sounds like a perfectionist, there are women like this too. I have no time for people like that, they're draining and pointless.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 Yep, messed up family, poor self-esteem, all sorts of issues. at this point I don't even have the energy for a relationship. If I want to be lied to and manipulated by a woman, I call my mother. I used to be the "Nice Guy" don't know what I am now. I most identify with Kashmir's "Women are Wicked" opening post. I've always been eager to get to a point where I'll be in a position in life to get a good GF. Over the last 2 years I've finally realized that my family and friends don't care about me and that its more fun to make fun of me and see what they can get out of me. So, Anyhow, building a new life and am working on marketing myself effectively. Well, I hope you are able to have the new life you want and sorry about your crappy family. Although I can't understand why you think dating someone 27, 28, or even your own age 29, is unreasonable. It's like saying you think your old and wouldn't even date yourself because you are rejecting people even your own age. I don't think you are going to find alot of 22 year olds ready for marriage.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Well, I hope you are able to have the new life you want and sorry about your crappy family. Although I can't understand why you think dating someone 27, 28, or even your own age 29, is unreasonable. It's like saying you think your old and wouldn't even date yourself because you are rejecting people even your own age. I don't think you are going to find alot of 22 year olds ready for marriage. Exactly. In early 20's I didn't even care if I had a LTR and loved playing mind games. I think late 20's is good way to go - there is still plenty of time left for having kids.
MN randomguy Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Exactly. In early 20's I didn't even care if I had a LTR and loved playing mind games. I think late 20's is good way to go - there is still plenty of time left for having kids. I suppose, I feel like I missed out on those years. I don't trust women to be game players and then change when they get older. I need to realize that people do change, although its been my experience that they don't so much. I don't know how long it would take for me to commit. I don't like that a woman will date one guy for 5 years and not expect anything out of him. Then, the next BF is expected to have a 2 karat ring and a house withing the first 3 mos. It seems like less pressure / more fun to go younger. Probably not so much once you're actually in it. BTW, If you liked playing mind games, why is it such a big deal that this guy does it now? Again, not defending him or saying that you didn't do the right thing by moving on. Just trying to understand.
yongyong Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I am a direct talker (part of my culture) negative side is I can offend people even though that wasn't my intention. positive side is I can't lie and don't bull**** around I have now been on 4 dates with a guy that I am still on the fence about. He says exactly what's on his mind when it comes to my looks and it really annoys me. Examples: 2nd date he picks me up and says "I prefer the dress you wore last time" followed by "You should have done something different with your hair".. Third date I am showing him my photo album and he says : "You looked much better with dark hair".. It makes me feel very insecure, he has never given me a compliment. Other than that he seems really into me. Girls would this bother you or am I over-reacting?
Jersey Shortie Posted March 28, 2009 Posted March 28, 2009 I feel like I missed out on those years. I don't trust women to be game players and then change when they get older. Maybe you have this feeling of "missing out" because you have a pre-described idea of what you were *suppose* to have based on what you *think* your peers have. I was there. I use to think that I should be having more fun sleeping around. And I tried it..sort of...and it wasn't fun. I didn't have to sleep with a ton of guys to figure that out. Now some women can sleep with tons of guys and be happy and I think that is awesome. I'm just not built that way. But I did it because I thought I was *missing out*. If you can override that idea that you were suppose to be one way or another, you arne't going to feel like you missed out and that your life, as it is/was/will be has made you who you are and you don't need to live your life as you think everyone else is. The grass is always greener on the other side. I don't know how long it would take for me to commit. I don't like that a woman will date one guy for 5 years and not expect anything out of him. Then, the next BF is expected to have a 2 karat ring and a house withing the first 3 mos. What woman? Do you know what was going on deep in that woman's heart? Maybe she wanted to be committed to for 5 long years but didn't want to preassure her man. Wanted him to want to do it too. Then found out he just wasn't and went on to find another man she really loved and didn't want to make the same mistake. You really can't speculate like that. It seems like less pressure / more fun to go younger. Probably not so much once you're actually in it. Women are women no matter their age. It's not easier to go younger. Because women are going to want what they are going to want no matter their age. Ask any older guy that dated me.
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