BlueEyedGirl Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I have now been on 4 dates with a guy that I am still on the fence about. He says exactly what's on his mind when it comes to my looks and it really annoys me. Examples: 2nd date he picks me up and says "I prefer the dress you wore last time" followed by "You should have done something different with your hair".. Third date I am showing him my photo album and he says : "You looked much better with dark hair".. It makes me feel very insecure, he has never given me a compliment. Other than that he seems really into me. Girls would this bother you or am I over-reacting?
Island Girl Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I'd have been so done the first time. Either he is a closeted homosexual or he is an obtuse moron. Both options mean it'll never change - and if he is this critical in the beginning then what comes next?! Again, I'd be so done it wouldn't matter how into me he was. It matters how I feel when I am around him. And that treatment would cause me to feel horrible mostly because of a lot of anger. Soooooo not worth it.
FairyTale73 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I have now been on 4 dates with a guy that I am still on the fence about. He says exactly what's on his mind when it comes to my looks and it really annoys me. Examples: 2nd date he picks me up and says "I prefer the dress you wore last time" followed by "You should have done something different with your hair".. Third date I am showing him my photo album and he says : "You looked much better with dark hair".. It makes me feel very insecure, he has never given me a compliment. Other than that he seems really into me. Girls would this bother you or am I over-reacting? You have three ways : 1- seek another guy to date . 2-tell him that this annoys you really much (it would annoy anyone at last) 3-start criticising him you too *_* (see , if he is smart enough to understand how annoying it may be) Good luck !
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 LMFAO. No, that would bug the **** out of me. To put all the time I put in to looking good for a date, if all he had was criticism, I would lose interest. Man, I'd have the HARDEST time not coming up with little comments back to him. Do you not have thoughts about his looks? Start shooting them at him and see how he reacts. LOL IMO, if you're going to dish it out, you'd better be prepared to take it.
Taramere Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 That's a lot of negativity, unbalanced with any compliments. I'd ask him if he was aware that he was doing it. My gut feeling about his reaction to that question (non verbal as well as verbal) would guide me as to whether it was worth investing any more time with him. If a man can't be into a woman without feeling angry and hostile towards her about it - well, that's just not a good thing to spend too much time around.
stepka Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I was married to a man like that for years and believe me, it doesn't get better--you will get more and more hostile and one like this can't be fixed--he might tone down the negative comments, but you will never get a positive one. As Island Girl stated, he might be a closeted homosexual, and guess what--my husband was. Where did you hear that IG? It was right on.
blondesmiler Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Its not the not giving compliments that I would be too bothered about, some people take time to do that sort of thing or are not very good, however the other things he says which are negative are not good I would either have lost interest or ask him, why he "appears" to be putting you down, it might be he doesn't realise and in his own way he is complimenting you but in a past tense rather than a present tense.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 I did ask him why he does this and he said that he is "joking around" - I don't buy it. He has also met my girlfriends who are all very attractive and commented to me later how "one has no neck and the other has no waist" He seems very obtuse generally. He calls a lot though and wants to see me all the time but I can't even imagine feeling confident about having sex with him where he will evaluate and criticize my body. On our last date I did tell him that I have noticed that he is going bald and he should really do something about it before it gets worse He HATED that but it did shut him up. He kept touching his head/hair all night and looking in the mirrors he still called the next day though. BUT I really don't want to have a realtionship where I will have to resort to mutual digs. Sigh.
nana yaw II Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 why would your date be a closet gay? i don't get that.... :confused: but anyhow, he sounds like he's quite immature and denigrating. if it persists, then perhaps lessen your time with him. it's not good to have negative people like that around, and life is short, so it's best to spend time positively.
Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Next time, ask him if he has Tourette's syndrome, since it's on your mind.
Star Gazer Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 It sounds like he's trying to let you know how to make yourself attractive to him. Lose him, fast.
imaginat Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 As a guy I would say that it probably would not get any better. At the same time I understand what's going on and in this case a man cannot win. The dilima is that women always want compliments as well as the truth. Women also want their man to be happy. Sounds to me that this guy is number 1. honest, 2. letting you know what he likes and what would make him happy. and 3. Really into you. Some people will not understand that but I would say that he just don't know how to handle a woman. With saying that, the woman has to be open minded enough to say "Thank you" for letting me know what you think looks good on me. . He probably should not have been so critical from the jump but atleast she knows where he is coming from. If she can't deal with that type of critisism, she or you should get out before you get in because I don't think it would get better either. What do you think?
motive2002 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 On our last date I did tell him that I have noticed that he is going bald and he should really do something about it before it gets worse Haha.. en garde! Touche! Nah, this guy you describe sounds like a jerk. I don't think you're over reacting.
Cherished Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I agree with the closet gay possibility. This guy has some deep insecurity issues and is taking his anger about it out on you. If it got to the point of the bedroom....he most likely would have ED and it wouldn't happen and he would blame it on you...best to ditch this guy. This could be what he is masking...inability to please a woman.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 As a guy I would say that it probably would not get any better. At the same time I understand what's going on and in this case a man cannot win. The dilima is that women always want compliments as well as the truth. Women also want their man to be happy. Sounds to me that this guy is number 1. honest, 2. letting you know what he likes and what would make him happy. and 3. Really into you. Some people will not understand that but I would say that he just don't know how to handle a woman. With saying that, the woman has to be open minded enough to say "Thank you" for letting me know what you think looks good on me. . He probably should not have been so critical from the jump but atleast she knows where he is coming from. If she can't deal with that type of critisism, she or you should get out before you get in because I don't think it would get better either. What do you think? Uh...the honesty kind of needs to be counter-balanced by positive comments, too. Women love compliments, especially when they've spent so much time getting themselves dolled up. What if you spent a lot of time making something for a girl and when you gave it to her she said, "I liked that other thing you gave me better," and left it at that? Didn't say anything positive about what's right in front of her? Besides - I think the honest "negative" feedback should wait until you've built up the rapport and trust in the relationship. I would value those honest comments a lot more if I felt close to the guy.
pollywag Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I hate to say this but women complain and request all the time that they want an honest man and when they find one he is attacked in every sense to be made out to be some kind of mental case? I feel for men, there really is no pleasing us. Having said that, when you say Other than that he seems really into me. Can you please explain exactly how he makes you feel he is into you? I just don't think he is into you, and you should take his honesty and do with it what is best for you. If he were telling you crap about how great you look and how wonderful you are and then dumped you after he slept with you because he simply wasn't all that into you, women on here would be complaining he was liar. It's never good enough. You have all the cards on the table Blue Eyed, what are you going to do with what is being set infront of you?
Cherished Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I would put 9 out of 10 odds that he couldn't make it happen in the bedroom, though. There is a thing called basic manners. He doesn't have them.
pollywag Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I On our last date I did tell him that I have noticed that he is going bald and he should really do something about it before it gets worse He HATED that but it did shut him up. He kept touching his head/hair all night and looking in the mirrors he still called the next day though. :lmao::lmao: Ok that made me laugh so hard. :lmao::lmao: I love you! that is the best thing I have read on here all day. Ok you definitey have fire in you, so good for you for putting him in his place. Honesty all around is what I say!
stepka Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Well lose him quick is all I can say--I can't tell you how much hostility you will have when you have spent the day painting the living room and you get yelled at for going overtime so you could finish it in one day, and poor he was "stuck" watching the baby while you selfishly painted to your heart's content. It. doesn't. get. better. Ever.
Island Girl Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I hate to say this but women complain and request all the time that they want an honest man and when they find one he is attacked in every sense to be made out to be some kind of mental case? It is one thing when a man is asked for an opinion about personal dress or look. (Even then if he wants to put his opinion forward he should possess some TACT.) This man is critical. That is not honesty. There is a difference. Remember the old saying if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all? And they are just starting out dating! This is when two people put their best feet forward! This is when he is trying to impress her and make sure she has a good time. I can't even imagine what he'll let loose with when he is "comfortable". Like imaginat (a guy) posted here: This guy doesn't know how to handle women and it probably won't get any better.
blondesmiler Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 If you cannot imagine this going any further and do not like his behaviour, why are you still dating him???? Confused
IrishCarBomb Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 If he speaks his mind always about everything, then he just has no filter and an unusual personality. If he just speaks his mind negatively about your looks, then he's an a-hole.
Chat Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 OMG! I'd go apeshi*t if a guy spoke to me like this, honeslty! Women have enough pressure in the world about how we should look without some potentially balding as*hole coming in and slapping your sunburn! He is obviously very superficial (as per his reaction to your baldiing comment) and you should have more self respect and tell him to go critique himself!! I can imagine you guys lying on the bed, spent after a passion run and him turning to you and saying "gee honey that was great but my ex was better" DUMP him now - or its your own fault what proceeds
Ruby Slippers Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 He wouldn't have gotten a second date with me. That's not being honest -- it's being rude.
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