Untouchable_Fire Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I think her "problem" is the andrenaline rush that cheating---a dark phantom that will and can do to the mind. My guess is that she's obsessed with that thought----complulsive thought. And you know what happens when it gets to that point, don't you? They have to do it. Not really. I've been there and I can tell you it didn't need to happen. I doubt that -- look at her username -- sunnyO I could think of much better adjective for that than Sunny.
jnj express Posted March 26, 2009 Posted March 26, 2009 OK so you are dissatisfied with parts of your mge. Have you ever talked to your H. about what is bothering you. Mge,s grow old, stale, boring, but that is the way of everything when 2 people are together and comfortable with each other for a long time. Mge. is hard work. You need to talk to your H., maybe go to counseling. But if you are bound and determined to break your vows, and disrespect the children you brought onto this planet, then don't. Just get a divorce and become single, and you can have sex with a different guy every night. see how you like the rest of your life. I am willing to bet you won't. But if you cheat you have know idea of the storm that is coming, and it won't go away for years if ever.
lostsunsets Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 What are these voices outside loves open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more? Don Henley You cannot imagine the soul destroying devastation you are contemplating. You had better be afraid. No you had better be terrified of what you are about to do. If and when you do this, your life will be forever changed. It's like the movie "butterfly effect". This one act will change the very nature of the people around you. Your husband who is content and happy, will change overnight to a bitter and angry person, who will probably be on the verge of insanity with grief. Your children will lose any innocence they have, they will be jerked into the world of adult emotions and consequence. They will sit in the middle and witness the destruction of their secure environment. It will be like they have been thrown into prison, and forced to get street smart very quickly. There parents will be enemies where they were once in love. They will have their own issues about your cheating, but you will be consumed with yourself and your feelings. They will take on a cynical outlook. Their ability to trust ANYONE will be shaken. You will naturally tell them that "mommy and daddy are just having a few issues. and that we still love each other." And they will think "mommy is liar". Since they are young they will act out what they feel. Their pain, and their inability to express it will change their personalities. They will become aggressive with other kids. They may fight. There school work will suffer. In fact because of the lasting effect of something like this. They could well struggle in school for the rest of their time there. They may take on a fatalist outlook and begin suffering depression. You have no idea what you are about to sentence the little ones you love to. How do I know? It happened to me when I was 5.
Darth Vader Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 What are these voices outside loves open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more? Don Henley You cannot imagine the soul destroying devastation you are contemplating. You had better be afraid. No you had better be terrified of what you are about to do. If and when you do this, your life will be forever changed. It's like the movie "butterfly effect". This one act will change the very nature of the people around you. Your husband who is content and happy, will change overnight to a bitter and angry person, who will probably be on the verge of insanity with grief. Your children will lose any innocence they have, they will be jerked into the world of adult emotions and consequence. They will sit in the middle and witness the destruction of their secure environment. It will be like they have been thrown into prison, and forced to get street smart very quickly. There parents will be enemies where they were once in love. They will have their own issues about your cheating, but you will be consumed with yourself and your feelings. They will take on a cynical outlook. Their ability to trust ANYONE will be shaken. You will naturally tell them that "mommy and daddy are just having a few issues. and that we still love each other." And they will think "mommy is liar". Since they are young they will act out what they feel. Their pain, and their inability to express it will change their personalities. They will become aggressive with other kids. They may fight. There school work will suffer. In fact because of the lasting effect of something like this. They could well struggle in school for the rest of their time there. They may take on a fatalist outlook and begin suffering depression. You have no idea what you are about to sentence the little ones you love to. How do I know? It happened to me when I was 5. Now that is unfair to you, only 5? You had to grow up way too fast! To the poster of this Thread, I very strongly suggest that you read confusedmomnb's thread, that may give you some insight as to what's in store for both you, your husband, and your children if you continue and do decide to have this affair. Does your family really have to pay that much? confusedmom's not even half way through this thing, the last we saw typed was how she is going to tell her husband that it was a PA as well as an EA. We're trying to save you and your family from such destruction as her family is now going through.
Athena Posted March 29, 2009 Posted March 29, 2009 This one act will change the very nature of the people around you. How True. I used to be a different person, in many, many, ways before my H cheated on me. The first time I found out he had an affair, our children were only 4 and 7. I was devastated, sent those two babies away to Grandparents for nearly a month to deal with H. I remained strong for him, since he needed me to. He promised never to cheat again. He did. And that second D-Day was crippling for me. That set into motion negative changes to my nature. The fact that he was gaslighting me every step of the way did nothing to help me move on and let us heal. I was keeping all his infidelities a secret, since he was terribly concerned with how he LOOKED to everyone. The third D-Day, faced with his smirking face was too much for me. My once strength was beaten down. The lies he was telling and holding onto were unbelievable... even when faced with overpowering strong circumstantial evidence he continued to lie for six months, accusing ME of being crazy, not forgiving him, holding him 'guilty' b/c of his past 'sins' as he called them, all the while professing he hadn't done anything wrong this time. I got so depressed I could barely function. My academic studies were put on hold. My children were all I could do anything for. I became a recluse, and very very unhappy. My own family (mother and siblings) didn't know what to think of me, I had put on weight too...for which I received criticism from my family. I had started counseling but refused to go onto medication. For two years I was in a twilight zone of barely living my life. Whenever I did attend family functions I managed to be fun and sweet with my nephews and nieces but the turmoil I faced with my H's actions were hurting me so much inside. I couldn't understand why he was constantly cheating when he claimed I was so wonderful, and I had always been the very best wife I knew how to be. Consistently. When my counselor met him and started some marital counseling of sorts, she quickly saw his Narcissistic personality. She tried to get me to see that the healthiest course of action for me would be to get out of this 'abusive' marriage. I simply was unable to say the 'D' word, or even think of losing my H. I kept on hoping against hope that he would change his ways, like he promised he wanted to. Fast forward to today. I had managed to force myself to finish my degree with high honors. I did my best for my beautiful children (do we even deserve such normal, happy, generous, bright and beautiful children??!!). Finally, after being in this country for a decade, I found us a wonderful house and we became home owners for the first time ever (we had moved around a lot and committed only to renting). With my H's blessing and go-ahead I purchased this house without him seeing it in person! (he did see a lot of photos, statistics, etc). A dream home for us -- 4 bedrooms three bathrooms, lots of rooms, swimming pool, landscaped gardens 1 acre, cul-de-sac, gorgeous neighborhood surrounded by woods, no traffic. I worked three solid months, physically decorating this house to be a beautiful home -- also hired contractors to put down hard-wood floors, new carpeting, painting rooms I couldn't do after stripping wall paper off and seeing damage from the glue... so much work to 'present' the house to my hard-working H. He came home and was very quiet. Didn't seem to be joyous about our dream house. Just nodded and said it was nice. He was disjointed. We had Xmas and early last year I discovered photos of him and a lover -- a new affair... one that had run over a year!!! I was at a loss as to what to think! Why had he given me the go-ahead to buy a house? He did this, despite knowing that I had told him if he ever had one more affair I WOULD divorce him (first time ever I threatened him with that)... all the while he was in the middle of a love-affair, with OW living with him abroad! By this time, when he had returned home, he was stunned to see me back in my previous good spirits and all my hard physical work brought me my beautiful figure back. Just when I had trusted him once again, he had let me down. I had a choice -- fall down again to the depths of despair once again, or not. I somehow found the strength to not fall apart. His pattern of infidelity was looking pitiful. A dozen affairs over his previous marriage, and ours. Here I am a year later. Although I did not fall apart, I did not move forward. I was somewhat stuck. I did not divorce him b/c he cried and threatened suicide, he started IC and said all the right things... Today I am forcing myself to do what I need to do. It is very difficult for me. I know I should start this new job tomorrow, but somehow it is scary... I never had issues like this. I have changed in many many ways (so has H)... me -- for the worse, him for the better... it is a Regression Towards the Mean for us --- but honestly, if I hadn't been at the bottom of the barrel I would have preferred that. I don't know why people who go through traumatic experiences like this say they got stronger because of it, as if that is a good thing! I would have strongly preferred not to have been F%$#^d up by his games and insecurities. I used to like myself, you know. A few months ago I came to a Decision (at least 4 years in the making) to go my own way from him (a very difficult and painful decision to feel like I was 'giving up' on him and on us).... that decision was a baby step forward. Tomorrow is another baby step, gulp, if I can force myself to face my fears and get out of the house and do this job! It has been a very slow journey back from hell. I know my progress is so painfully slow but it is my journey and I must travel this path. This above sentence I quoted in the beginning was never a truer statement about the enormity of the effects on your loved ones when you are contemplating the selfish act of having an Affair.
Darth Vader Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 How True. I used to be a different person, in many, many, ways before my H cheated on me. The first time I found out he had an affair, our children were only 4 and 7. I was devastated, sent those two babies away to Grandparents for nearly a month to deal with H. I remained strong for him, since he needed me to. He promised never to cheat again. He did. And that second D-Day was crippling for me. That set into motion negative changes to my nature. The fact that he was gaslighting me every step of the way did nothing to help me move on and let us heal. I was keeping all his infidelities a secret, since he was terribly concerned with how he LOOKED to everyone. The third D-Day, faced with his smirking face was too much for me. My once strength was beaten down. The lies he was telling and holding onto were unbelievable... even when faced with overpowering strong circumstantial evidence he continued to lie for six months, accusing ME of being crazy, not forgiving him, holding him 'guilty' b/c of his past 'sins' as he called them, all the while professing he hadn't done anything wrong this time. I got so depressed I could barely function. My academic studies were put on hold. My children were all I could do anything for. I became a recluse, and very very unhappy. My own family (mother and siblings) didn't know what to think of me, I had put on weight too...for which I received criticism from my family. I had started counseling but refused to go onto medication. For two years I was in a twilight zone of barely living my life. Whenever I did attend family functions I managed to be fun and sweet with my nephews and nieces but the turmoil I faced with my H's actions were hurting me so much inside. I couldn't understand why he was constantly cheating when he claimed I was so wonderful, and I had always been the very best wife I knew how to be. Consistently. When my counselor met him and started some marital counseling of sorts, she quickly saw his Narcissistic personality. She tried to get me to see that the healthiest course of action for me would be to get out of this 'abusive' marriage. I simply was unable to say the 'D' word, or even think of losing my H. I kept on hoping against hope that he would change his ways, like he promised he wanted to. Fast forward to today. I had managed to force myself to finish my degree with high honors. I did my best for my beautiful children (do we even deserve such normal, happy, generous, bright and beautiful children??!!). Finally, after being in this country for a decade, I found us a wonderful house and we became home owners for the first time ever (we had moved around a lot and committed only to renting). With my H's blessing and go-ahead I purchased this house without him seeing it in person! (he did see a lot of photos, statistics, etc). A dream home for us -- 4 bedrooms three bathrooms, lots of rooms, swimming pool, landscaped gardens 1 acre, cul-de-sac, gorgeous neighborhood surrounded by woods, no traffic. I worked three solid months, physically decorating this house to be a beautiful home -- also hired contractors to put down hard-wood floors, new carpeting, painting rooms I couldn't do after stripping wall paper off and seeing damage from the glue... so much work to 'present' the house to my hard-working H. He came home and was very quiet. Didn't seem to be joyous about our dream house. Just nodded and said it was nice. He was disjointed. We had Xmas and early last year I discovered photos of him and a lover -- a new affair... one that had run over a year!!! I was at a loss as to what to think! Why had he given me the go-ahead to buy a house? He did this, despite knowing that I had told him if he ever had one more affair I WOULD divorce him (first time ever I threatened him with that)... all the while he was in the middle of a love-affair, with OW living with him abroad! By this time, when he had returned home, he was stunned to see me back in my previous good spirits and all my hard physical work brought me my beautiful figure back. Just when I had trusted him once again, he had let me down. I had a choice -- fall down again to the depths of despair once again, or not. I somehow found the strength to not fall apart. His pattern of infidelity was looking pitiful. A dozen affairs over his previous marriage, and ours. Here I am a year later. Although I did not fall apart, I did not move forward. I was somewhat stuck. I did not divorce him b/c he cried and threatened suicide, he started IC and said all the right things... Today I am forcing myself to do what I need to do. It is very difficult for me. I know I should start this new job tomorrow, but somehow it is scary... I never had issues like this. I have changed in many many ways (so has H)... me -- for the worse, him for the better... it is a Regression Towards the Mean for us --- but honestly, if I hadn't been at the bottom of the barrel I would have preferred that. I don't know why people who go through traumatic experiences like this say they got stronger because of it, as if that is a good thing! I would have strongly preferred not to have been F%$#^d up by his games and insecurities. I used to like myself, you know. A few months ago I came to a Decision (at least 4 years in the making) to go my own way from him (a very difficult and painful decision to feel like I was 'giving up' on him and on us).... that decision was a baby step forward. Tomorrow is another baby step, gulp, if I can force myself to face my fears and get out of the house and do this job! It has been a very slow journey back from hell. I know my progress is so painfully slow but it is my journey and I must travel this path. This above sentence I quoted in the beginning was never a truer statement about the enormity of the effects on your loved ones when you are contemplating the selfish act of having an Affair. You can do it Girl! You'll do great on the job! What exactly will you be doing? Get to sleep early. Don't forget to set the alarm!
tyhbvf Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 We've been married for 8 years, have two beautiful kids and are considered to be a model married couple. We have even been asked for advice by recently married friends on how to keep a marriage going and fresh for years. Yesterday we had a romantic "date" and today I was thinking of cheating. And I realized: I've been thinking of cheating for a while. Every time after sex. I am not happy with the sex, that must be it. It's nothing new, and I've worked on improving it all these years. He seems to be happy with it, appreciative of my efforts and putting forth an effort himself. He loves me, he is a good and reliable family man, and while I can't say I've ever been madly in love, I do see myself spending the rest of my life with him. In fact that is my firm plan. However, I'm so crazy with dissatisfaction that I am ready to jump any guy innocently standing in front of me. I think my coworkers really feel it, it must be the pheromones that make their heads turn despite me not being in my best shape. What am I going to do? I've tryed to fix this for 8 years and now it's coming to a head because I've started a new job with plenty of readily available bachelors, and they are all just driving me nuts. If you love and trust your husband then tell him that you want to have sex with another man. Tell him that you will let him have sex with another woman. You can discuss whether you want to view one another with the other partner or not (you should). If you can't speak to your husband about this then there is something wrong with your marriage: there is no love.
Athena Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 You can do it Girl! You'll do great on the job! What exactly will you be doing? Get to sleep early. Don't forget to set the alarm! I found myself smiling to read your encouragement! Really, thank you. I will take your advice and go STRAIGHT to bed, I promise! I signed up for Substitute Teaching from now, until end of the school year -- mid June sometime. Apparently it is their busiest time for subs, when the weather warms up! My kids know, but I haven't told my H, since I do not want him to talk me out of it.... I know I have to do something to get out of the house, and be of value. Wish me well, eek, since I will be teaching all levels at any school in the area... I sincerely hope the teachers leave a Lesson Plan for me!!!! Or else I am gonna have a bunch of horrors on my hands, lol... thanks again!
troubadour Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I found myself smiling to read your encouragement! Really, thank you. I will take your advice and go STRAIGHT to bed, I promise! I signed up for Substitute Teaching from now, until end of the school year -- mid June sometime. Apparently it is their busiest time for subs, when the weather warms up! My kids know, but I haven't told my H, since I do not want him to talk me out of it.... I know I have to do something to get out of the house, and be of value. Wish me well, eek, since I will be teaching all levels at any school in the area... I sincerely hope the teachers leave a Lesson Plan for me!!!! Or else I am gonna have a bunch of horrors on my hands, lol... thanks again! Athena, you will be absolutely amazing teacher. Just try to avoid having sex with under age students!
Darth Vader Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 I found myself smiling to read your encouragement! Really, thank you. I will take your advice and go STRAIGHT to bed, I promise! I signed up for Substitute Teaching from now, until end of the school year -- mid June sometime. Apparently it is their busiest time for subs, when the weather warms up! My kids know, but I haven't told my H, since I do not want him to talk me out of it.... I know I have to do something to get out of the house, and be of value. Wish me well, eek, since I will be teaching all levels at any school in the area... I sincerely hope the teachers leave a Lesson Plan for me!!!! Or else I am gonna have a bunch of horrors on my hands, lol... thanks again! No prob! Sounds like from your post, your STBXH (I guess) is going to be seriously losing out by losing you. Anyway, it's gonna be good for you to make some money of your own, just don't forget about your children(I know, you wouldn't).
Athena Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Athena, you will be absolutely amazing teacher. Just try to avoid having sex with under age students! No prob! Sounds like from your post, your STBXH (I guess) is going to be seriously losing out by losing you. Anyway, it's gonna be good for you to make some money of your own, just don't forget about your children(I know, you wouldn't). Lol! Okay, I got up nice and early, went online, accepted a teaching assignment for a Kindergarten class today, since the teacher will be faxing over all her lesson plans and worksheets to the office. ps: I had printed out your words of encouragement and put it on my nightstand so when my alarm sounded this morning, it was the first thing I saw thx
Darth Vader Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Lol! Okay, I got up nice and early, went online, accepted a teaching assignment for a Kindergarten class today, since the teacher will be faxing over all her lesson plans and worksheets to the office. ps: I had printed out your words of encouragement and put it on my nightstand so when my alarm sounded this morning, it was the first thing I saw thx WOW! What an impact. I can't let all of this niceness stuff get out too much, after all, I have a reputation to protect! Watch all the movies I'm in, I'm nasty!:cool: Originally Posted by troubadour Athena, you will be absolutely amazing teacher. Just try to avoid having sex with under age students! Nah, she won't! She'll be too busy having Sex with me when the Divorce is final! J/K really!:laugh: OOPs, I think we threadjacked. Um, yeah, to the poster of this thread, don't cheat on your husband! NO, SERIOUSLY, DON'T! At least Divorce your husband first, don't destroy him.
Darth Vader Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 LOL :lmao: Yeah, that was funny, in some sick way! I'm surprised that someone hasn't told us to get a room.
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