clem1212 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Apparently I was too overwhelming and too overbearing with my boyfriend of over a year. He has a lot on his plate right now with work and personal and apparently he can't handle me and everything else right now. He asked for a break so he can get a breather and do some things for himself and asked for me to do some things for myself. We had a pretty good relationship prior to now - spending every weekend together and a couple of nights out of the week. How long does a 'break' in a relationship last? This is my first real relationship and I love him so much. I'm worried I may have lost him by being so needy. I made the mistake of putting my previous life (before we started dating) to the side when we met, so he ended up being my only lifeline until now. I lost contact with all my friends and felt as though he was the only one there for me- which is why I guess I constantly needed his time. He told me he's not sure how much more 'time' he can give me, or if he can give me all the time I need. I'm afraid I may have lost him and I'm worried. What can I do? I've been trying to occupy myself with as much as I can, but everything I do reminds me of him. Although this hurts terribly, the breather is something I probably needed too because I finally feel that I can take control of my life again - I felt that I had lost it because I didn't have the right balance. Maybe it'll work for the both of us? I hope so. I just need advice.. please help Thanks.
lovelinefan Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Unfortunately, I think a lot of breaks end up becoming break-ups. If both parties are truly still interested, then I imagine you will not be without each other for too long - it doesn't take a ton of time to realize that you want to be with someone if you do.
messed-mind Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I made the mistake of putting my previous life (before we started dating) to the side when we met, so he ended up being my only lifeline until now. I lost contact with all my friends and felt as though he was the only one there for me- which is why I guess I constantly needed his time. That's a big mistake, but a lot of people make it. It's not healthy to lose your own identity in a relationship, you can't rely on someone else to prop you up and keep you happy, you need to have pursuits, activites and friends outside of him. In my first long term relationship, I did the same as you and it came back to bite me badly. In my relationship now, I work hard to keep my own life outside the relationship alive. This has fueled the break you're now it. Sadly, in my opinion, breaks are never good and are a prelude to a break up. As mentioned in the post above, it doesn't take long to realise you miss and need someone. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would be with you. But he's not, that should be a big enough indicator that this is likely to be over than rescued.
Melocoton Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 If this is your first real relationship it most likely won't be your last. Learn from it. Sounds to me like you need to grow as an individual and lead your own life independantly from him. Take this time to explore yourself and what you want and like to do. Also, the "taking a break".. IMO is a load of crap. When two people really love and care for eachother the last thing they should do when they are having a hard time is dump their most important person in their lives.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Reconnect with your previous life, and try to fill your life back up with stuff other than him. When people ask for a 'break' it is basically over at that point. It is just a breakup with a happy face pasted to it.
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