Flying Burrito Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I joined because I read another guy's letter here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2095858#post2095858 . I could have wrote most of that except that I never called it off per say. My girlfriend got too needy. She got laid off from her job, then one of her cats got sick and died, then her car broke down and we live in a place where you have to drive. I know this sounds bad but I hated her being stressed and depressed. The last time I saw her she started to cry when I said she wasn't trying hard enough to get a new job. I offered her money to fix her car she said no. A few nights later my girlfriend's other cat got real sick. She called and I didn't answer. The message said she needed me to take her to the vet. I never called her back. We had a date later that week and I blew it off. My girfriend called a lot because she said she was worried about me. After 2 weeks she stopped calling. I never said anything to her again. Its been around four or five vmonths since then. I don't know what to do now. I miss her. I think about her all the time. I recently started dating a girl at my U. A great girl but she doesn't have a thing on my girlfriend. The truth is that whenever I spend time with her I come away missing my girlfriend even more. Have any of you had this happen? What should I do?
tashaNjesse Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 well i can say this has never happened to me before if you tried moving on and still miss her chances are you still care for her so if i was in your position i would try to get in touch with her b4 she finds another guy to depend on =}
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 There's no chance she'll talk to me again after I cut her off with no warning. That's why I did it.
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 I read what people said to that other guy (here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t183512/) and once again, this could be me. I never wanted to hurt Amy. What I wanted was to stop feeling like sh*t all the time because I loved her but I wasn't IN LOVE with her any longer.
Lippy2 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 So, you just disappeared on her to help ease your feeling like crap about yourself?
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 If that's what you want to think then sure.
Lippy2 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 If that's what you want to think then sure. It's not what I think, I was asking you based on what you said??
exclusive. Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I think maybe your now bothered, because she never fought for you and she let you go, seeing as you wanted to leave. The feeling that she never got back to you is kinda addictive because she took your power of leaving, and turned it around because she didnt beg and thats what has finally caught up with you maybe. Had she begged for you for a couple of months, I think you would de-test her now. Thats how it works. Always want what you can't have.
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 Maybe I don't understand how you're thinking I wanted her to fight for me. The first couple messages she said how the cat was and she fixed her car. One message she said she wanted to move our date because she was at the vet. A couple more msgs checking if I was okay. There was one message when the vet said her cat had cancer and she wanted to know she wasn't alone. The last message she asked if I would call to tell her what happened so she wouldn't be tortured about it. That was the last of it. I never answered the phone and I never replied to the messages so how could she have fought for me? I detested seeing her act so helpless and unhappy. I can't explain how crazy it seemed that someone so talented and capable couldn't find a new job, couldn't get her car to the shop, couldn't straighten up her apartment. I wanted her to stop sitting on her ass and help herself out. When I said that she started to cry and then chewed me out for ten minutes about how hard she was trying to get a job and then she cried some more. Yea, I definitely detested that but I didn't detest HER ever.
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 It's not what I think, I was asking you based on what you said?? I cut Amy off because I didn't want to lie to her and that's what would have happened. Amy trusted me. Anything I would have said to explain would have hurt her. I couldn't add to making her feel worse but lying would have been about as bad.
exclusive. Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Im pretty sure she could have done more than text you to fight for you back? I dunno, maybe you made a mistake? But as said before, all you can do is admit you made a mistake and ask for her back? Than accept whatever answer or no answer she gives you.
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 Im pretty sure she could have done more than text you to fight for you back? I dunno, maybe you made a mistake? But as said before, all you can do is admit you made a mistake and ask for her back? Than accept whatever answer or no answer she gives you. I read a lot of the stories here for a while before writing anything and I have noticed a common thread where no matter what it is the dumped person did or didn't do, they were always wrong. I'm not criticizing you, its an interesting way to think, like maybe subconsciously I wanted that, but I would need to hear some examples because short of stalking me, showing up at my work, what could Amy have done to fight for me?
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 Im pretty sure she could have done more than text you to fight for you back? I dunno, maybe you made a mistake? But as said before, all you can do is admit you made a mistake and ask for her back? Than accept whatever answer or no answer she gives you. How can I put this? I don;t think I made a mistake but letting her go wasn't what I wanted either. What I do to deal with that is not feel anything.
Lippy2 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Flying Burrito - What is that you want out of this? You asked in your original post, what should I do? What is it that you want? You deal by not feeling anything. How do you do that? It appears you are feeling something otherwise you wouldn't be asking.
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 Of course I have feelings for Amy but as far as feeling that strong in love feeling, no, I don't feel it. Just forget it. I don't want anything.
Lippy2 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Ok... Just trying to help Flying Burrito.. You sound conflicted and now you sound frustrated.
Narf Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 hmm i hope this doesnt come across as to offensive... but what you did was horrible!!! And so very very selfish! Try justify it anyway you want mate but at the end of the day you leaving without a word is horrible!!! You deserve every feeling your getting right now... How much of a coward are you!! The very least you could of done was face her and tell her why you were leaving!!! To ignore her was heartless!!! She would of been left totally confused and more down then she already was... How can people treat others in that way?!?! I just dont get it! I really really hope karma is true... Cause you deserve to feel crap for what you did! My advice is leave her alone!!! Nothing you say will improve her life! You are still not in love with her so leave it alone! The damage is done dont make it worse... Deal with your guilt by yourself, she owes you nothing
Fantastic1987 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Of course I have feelings for Amy but as far as feeling that strong in love feeling, no, I don't feel it. Just forget it. I don't want anything. Flying burrito first off aweosme name ! haha and lets make things lighter. dont confuse yourself or feel like you are being cornered. I read through this and really who cares about "what if she had fought for me?" crap. Seriously, its over. However, you are not over her. First off, completely stop contact with teh new girl. Its not fair to her and you dont want her end up hating you. Then, ask Amy to go for coffee or soemthing just whatever you do focus on her. You have realised after a while that you do care for her still. Amy will be mad because of the cat situation but just get it out of your system how you feel. You know? dont live your life wondering "hmm, geee i wonder what would have happend if i went back and made amends and tried to make it work again because i do care for her" Good luck Flying Burrito
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 I read through this and really who cares about "what if she had fought for me?" crap. Seriously, its over. However, you are not over her. First off, completely stop contact with teh new girl. I figured that bit out already. It had only been a couple casual dates, no sex. Nice enough girl but you're right. It had nowhere to go. I stayed in watching TV this whole past weekend. To me that says I'm over Amy. I could have had fun doing anything with her, right, but I'd rather be alone. After what happened before, I honestly don't know what Amy would say if I tried to talk to her or see her. What I do know is that when we talk or do things we always wind up back in the same place where Amy thinks we're a couple and I don't want that. Its not like its easy being away from her and yet it is. Aside from the fact that we get on and she's fun, she's beautiful and that bod of hers is sick. One hug and I'd be done for. At least this way I know I'm not going to make that mistake.
confused11 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Some things I would like to know so that maybe we can figure out what you really want from this girl. How long were you two together for? Was it on and off? Were you ever in love with her and tell her or was she simply filling in a void like you saw her more as a friend with benefits and you only grew to love her as a friend? Are you in a place in your life where you want a serious commitment leading to something possibly more serious or you just miss the companionship she provided? Because if you aren't in a place where you want to get serious then this is simply your karma for ending things so badly and treating like like she never mattered. But if you are an genuine repenter (very rare breed) and truly realized the error of your ways and want to have a real future with this girl, then you better be ready and eagerly willing to put in the work to get her back, it wont be easy and it shouldn't be because you handled the situation so cruelly. But be honest with yourself; if it is just your "ego" wanting to see if you can get her back, just after the challenge rather than the prize (her) then quit while you're ahead...deal with the heartache (as she did) and then let it go.
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 Right yeah. We were together a few years on and off. To be honest, I crushed on her for almost a year before asking her out and when we got together, the real thing was better than any fantasy. Everything about her felt right. I was completely in love with her, wanted to marry her and have the rugrats, the works. I don't know what to tell you but early on I guess I stopped feeling like that which led to me breaking it off. To say it was only about companionship or friends with benefits is unfair. I did my best to stay away from her. We were back together after 2 weeks the first time. When I broke up with her the second time, she wouldn't come near me. She wouldn't even look at me. It took me 2 months to get her to talk to me again. 2 months later we were back together. You might think it was only about sex or ego but it wasn't. Out of all the girls I know from work and the U, she is the hottest but it wasn't about sex or companionship. Amy certainly didn't have to settle for sex with me. She could have had anyone. Guys propose to her all the time. I've seen it. Trust me, its not about ego. That did little for my ego and little to make me love her. There were times I simply wanted to hear Amy's voice or have Amy's arms about me. I didn't want anyone else and honestly, I don't know why. I did the only thing I could do so I'm not repenting. A few years ago when I broke things off the first time I said I deserved to find someone I felt that in love feeling with. I still think it but what is more likely is I will stay alone. I don't want to get married. I like being on my own. Amy was the closest thing to perfect I think there is for me. Thats what kills me. Everything about her was right and I stopped feeling it anyway.
confused11 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Ok...I'm trying my best to follow and I think I have a handle so far, but what we need to get to is what do you really want? You said you don't want to get married so then there is your answer, stay away. The point of relationship is to find your "match." Do you ever want to get married? How old are you if you don't mind me asking (you can give me a bracket if you'd rather not divulge). It sounds like you are just aren't ready to settle down (still in college?) but don't want to regret losing her if and when you decide she is what you want. You can't keep her as your back burner girl. If you don't want a relationship, then you just need to get over her, she had to get over you after the constant off and on games you played with her, now its your turn flying burrito, karma, its a b!tch but what goes around comes around ya know. Maybe, a long time from now, when all romatic feelings have died, the two of you can have a friendship, if she has forgiven you for playing these games with her. I know you say it isn't about the ego, but in a way you are saying that she is soo wonderful, hot, fantastic, etc. and can have any guy she wanted but chose you, and that of all the girls you dated she is by far the hottest and it wasn't about the sex or the companionship? Was she just arm candy then? What was it about then? Why were you with her, what qualities does she have that sets her apart from the other girls you have dated...I don't want to believe that it is about looks so please help me understand otherwise because I think what you are thinking isn't exactly coming across on your posts...here to help though so clarify a little more as to what it is about and what it was missing (common interests, religion, future goals, feel you are too young....you get me right?
Author Flying Burrito Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 If I thought Amy was backburner girl, I would just have good times with her without caring if she would get hurt. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense to you but that's how it is.
confused11 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 I didn't mean to offend you (if you took offense to my post, I say this because the only thing you responded to was the part that wasn't a question) If she is not your back burner girl, what is she? What are you trying to figure out here? What you are hoping to gain from our imput because you keep on going back and forth...
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