person90 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 i had a crush on this girl who was new to school last year. my mistake was that i thought it would be better for me to get to know her as a friend, eventually one and a half year later we are best friends, but along the way i fell in utter love with her. i finally gathered the courage to tell her but all she said was that she only thinks of us as 'just friends', and just recently i found out she and some other guy like each other. Somewhere deep inside i always thought that we were meant to be and that things would work out, maybe i was being stupid and blind but i was so sure that she likes me, maybe she just didn't know it yet. But then i think i was just living in some sort of an illusion. at this point, she says that she still wants to be friends. i have asked other people for advice and they are saying that it would suck if you guys stop talking to each other just because of this. but then, how do i go on being just friends when i feel about her so strongly and she doesn't? should i remain close friends with her and just somehow hope my feelings will vanish someday? all this time, i was always so emotional about the whole thing. i think for the last 18 months i have stayed depressed most of the time. and now, the thing i most feared has finally come. she says she doesn't like me. thats all there is to it. so, i would like to ask, if anyone has ideas, anything left for me to try and do now, or is the only option getting over her? maybe try and somehow start things again from scratch.. i always thought we were the meant for each other type.. so ya.. will be difficult. stupid for me to hope for her? we just have few days of school left and then after vacations i will be going abroad, so maybe just say hello hi every now and then and let time make our friendship go away? hurts like hell.. it doesn't make sense, i always thought relationships should be based on a strong base of friendship, but don't think girls think this way. so my adivce to all the guys out there, DON'T become friends with any girl you are interested in, they will never think of you otherwise. i paid for this mistake heavily...
Tony T Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 You are screwed big time dude but let this be a learning experience. Once a lady puts you in the "just friends" category, it's easier to turn water into wine than to move into the lover's category. Yes, it does happen but the last time it happened on this planet was in something like 1649 AD. The worst thing about it is now being her best friend she will tell you about the first time she screws her real boy friend, what they do on dates, how much she loves him, etc....well, maybe now that she knows how you feel she won't do that but you being her best buddy it's likely she'll slip from time to time. There's a better chance you won't see a whole lot of her at all as she rightly turns her attention to romance. Romance trumps plain ole friendship any day. Now, if you stick around until she stops dating somebody there may be a window of a few hours when she might just pick you to rebound with since she's familiar with you....just a slight chance. That may be your only chance but don't count on it. To her it will be extremely awkward trying to make it with a buddy. Be nice to her, wish her well but move on to somebody you can be lovers with and don't do the friendship things with anybody you think you may ever be otherwise interested in. Just don't do it. Relationships are based on friendship...but NOT platonic friendship. There are lots of different kinds and you need to get some real good advice on this stuff before you move further. Friendship that develops during the course of a romantic venture is what women value in a mate. Buddy friendship is a whole other thing.
roomster Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I dont agree with the "friend zone" thing. Definitely wasnt the case for me...but then he went and changed his feelings. Anway..mate it sucks. I know exactly how you feel. You can try to remain friends but if it begins to hurt too much and is making your life a misery i think you might have to cut contact. You might be alright for a while, i know i was. But the times you spend together will be bitter sweet. I hung out with my best friend and every time he laughed or was having fun I would be thinking maybe he could like me again (or at all for you). I would have fun when I was with him but then afterwards I would feel depressed that that was all it was - fun. And when she starts dating someone thats when it will really start to hurt. Thats when I had to cut contact. And it will really hurt after that - you are losing someone you love and a best friend. You will need someone to turn to and it should be her. BUt after a while it will get better. And friends DO come and go, apart from a few. You need to really think hard about whether staying friends with her is what is best for you or whether it is a destructive relationship. I know you will be thinking I'd rather be friends than nothing but is that really what is best for YOU? Im guessing that being around her you will not be able to open your mind to other people. I was certainly that way, I would talk to and even kiss other people and just not be interested at all - i probably let a lot of people walk out of my life who could have been potential partners. If you need to chat we can wallow in misery together! xxx
Author person90 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 i guess cutting contact with her would be the best thing for me, because otherwise i will stay miserable. i think i will just stay in contact with her till we are together in school, and after that it should be it. i did everything for her, and its just unfair and selfish of her to think of me just as a friend. wow shes stupid, and she obviously is just blind to how much i really love her. it is a destructive relationship. i am always sad and depressed even in school, and now that she knows that the only reason i get like that is because i cant be with her, she really doesn't seem to care that much. she isn't willing to do anything to fix it. she doesn't have a obligation to i know, but it still hurts seeing her so cold and mean like that. i never thought people could hurt their best friends like that. i don't think i would, i hope i never do. and so whereas i stay down pretty much all of the time, shes really happy with how her life is. so i think its time i did think about myself. its going to be hard though, cutting contact with her. i miss her all the time, and everything reminds me of her. how should i make the feelings subside, how will this state of mind go away?..
StrikeFreedom Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I am going through the EXACT same thing. It's driving me insane. I've known this girl for 3 years and been in love with her for 3 years. In that time we've had huge fights over my feelings for her. She's been with several people I know and some of my friends and she's rejected me several times. Recently we've been spending a lot of time together but only as *friends?*... I tried kissing her a month or two ago and she pushed me away and told me the next day the only reason she didn't kiss me back was because she wasn't single atm... (I had no idea) Right now I feel like it IS possible that we could be together if she wasn't single but I've been in this destructive friendship stage for far too long now. I really need to get help. What should I do? I don't want to lose her if theres a chance I could see my feelings through for her but at the same time it's killing me to be in this friendship with her. I keep feeling so pathetic because I should just be able to *suck it up* and move on but I seriously just can't. I haven't been interested in anyone else while knowing this girl either. Should I tell her how I really feel and that we should start a *no contact* thing or should I just stay in this situation and try my best to get better while keeping her as a friend for now?
phillipreed678 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Well this is rather a tough one. If you are willing to break up the relationship I can give you this, but I am not proactivateing the whole "boyfriend destroyer" tactic. http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Get-A-Woman-You-Want-To-Break-Up-With-Her-Boyfriend-and-Go-Out-With-You&id=731889
StrikeFreedom Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Well this is rather a tough one. If you are willing to break up the relationship I can give you this, but I am not proactivateing the whole "boyfriend destroyer" tactic. http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Get-A-Woman-You-Want-To-Break-Up-With-Her-Boyfriend-and-Go-Out-With-You&id=731889 LOL... I don't know if I can do that =P
FairyTale73 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 person90, its indeed the hardest experience,I feel for you, but as OP told you , once you are in "a friend zone", it is really hard to change her opinion and her views about you . You will stay a Friend . Either move away from her, or date some other girl and stay friends with her, if you are able to handle your love feelings and manage them . Best of Luck !
Invideo Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Almost the same ****ty thing is happening to me today. She is my best friend, and I gathered just enough courage to say the thing, and ffs I wanna kill my self now. I am so depressed. Good luck mate
carhill Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 A tactic which has worked for me is to push to meet eligible ladies in her network of female friends. After all, since she's a friend and doesn't consider you a romantic prospect, she should be enthusiastic about hooking a really great male friend and gentleman up with her friends, right? Go with that. Be a relationship supporter but refrain from being an emotional receptacle. If/when she starts going on about "he doesn't understand me; I hate it when he looks at other women" bla, bla, simply say "he's your man; you love him and want to be with him. Talk to him about it. BTW, you know XXX. I think she's really hot. Can you introduce me to her?" Win-win OP, the best thing you can realize (and it took me many years and much pain to do so) is that a woman has to earn your love and singular attention; it should not just be given away like electrons into space. Try this. Take that feeling for her and embrace it and bring it out to the surface with every woman you meet. Watch their reaction. I think you'll be a bit surprised. I know I have
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