Nikki Sahagin Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 First off hi and thanks to all who can bear with me and read this! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and have never felt so intensely about anyway. To try to describe how I feel - I can see myself having everything with him. I don't want any other person in the world. Though we are not perfect, I still just only want him. I just want for us to constantly improve and get better. Now I do feel I am displaying characteristics of being unhealthily attached to him. I am completely loyal, faithful, passionate, dedicated, intense and crazy about him and us. I think that in itself is a beautiful thing. I would put my life down for him. It's quite an obsessive, addictive kind of life. There is something beautiful to it, but also potentially very destructive and as I said unhealthy, in how I love my boyfriend. I kind of see it as him being my home, and if he is around I feel safe, complete and as though I have a purpose. When I am alone, I feel worried, lonely and directionless. I feel like I can only progress if it is with him and if we can progress together, i.e. i'd love to travel but feel I could only ever do so if it were with him, otherwise it would tear me apart to be without him. Being this way is making me miserable because I only want to be with him, I want everything to be with him. I realise I am young, emotionally immature, insecure and I need to do a lot of growing to realise my own strength. I also realise no-one should ever complete you, but I can't describe the feeling of peace and oneness I feel when we are cuddled up together - just like nothing or no-one else matters. I want to be strong in myself but I just don't know how to do it. He has become my everything. In part I think it is because I have extremely molly-coddling parents. They always have done absolutely everything for me. I've never had to do anything for myself. I fear i've become one of those spoilt, pampered kids you read about who are completely incapable of doing anything for themselves out of fear. I guess i've gone straight from my mother's unconditional love...to his...but obviously in relationships this is not safe nor healthy. I almost feel a casualty of my own love, like I love too much, too strongly and too deeply. I am a giver and 'little miss nice', I find myself through helping and caring for others. I really don't want to stand alone, I want to be part of a couple, a pair. I know this may sounds incredibly pathetic and also like it's not even a problem compared to what many are going through on these forums, but I really don't know what to do. It's like I can only he happy through him, and without him, I feel so unhappy, so lost and miserable. I should also add I have suffered and suffer with self-diagnosed ocd and anxiety. I used to have panic disorder and agrophobia. For about 3 years I never left home unless for school. I think as such I am just naturally quite an anxious, high-maintenance, intense person. I've been that way since I was a little girl. He also helped me out of my disorders. He was the first person I went to meet when I had panic disorder. Maybe I have become used to him as a crutch?
Beautiful Inside Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 ok let me start off by saying everything you said i have and do feel that same way. its so funny to the T everything you are going through that your fear of doing i feel the same way right now in my current relationship. i almost feel to the point where ive over loved him or something i gave him too much attention i feel like now fir the first time he might want his own space....but we do everything together i never want to be a min without him even when i would be at work all day from the moment we left our houses to get to working we'll be texting and calling each other constantly all day. it was crazy the chemistry we felt for each other like no other! and now i feel like i cant or dont want to do anything without him. im constantly worrying over that same feeling you are feeling....
norajane Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I want to be part of a couple, a pair.Really? Then why is everything you said I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I? Count the I's in your post. It's all about you. Time to get into therapy, or you will destroy this relationship by making it all about you, by obsessing so much about you and what you want and what you need and what he's doing for you. He's not your therapist. Only a therapist can help you get over your issues so that you can be a fully functional person on your own, so that you have something to GIVE to another in love.
LostLamb Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 It's hard when you are dating a person you secretly regard as your saviour. I fell in to the same trap with my ex who made me feel safe and rescued me from a life staring at the walls , in the end he said he felt like my carer. My advice is to seek help NOW before the inevitable happens , you shouldn't rely on anyone more than you rely on yourself. I have lost most of my life since splitting up with my ex and have become a recluse again . I'm not sure if my counselling is helping but I wish I would have tried to help myself sooner rather than later. Good luck
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 It's hard when you are dating a person you secretly regard as your saviour. I fell in to the same trap with my ex who made me feel safe and rescued me from a life staring at the walls , in the end he said he felt like my carer. My advice is to seek help NOW before the inevitable happens , you shouldn't rely on anyone more than you rely on yourself. I have lost most of my life since splitting up with my ex and have become a recluse again . I'm not sure if my counselling is helping but I wish I would have tried to help myself sooner rather than later. Good luck Wow thankyou so much for your answer. Maybe I could talk to you more about this?
Woggle Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 If you don't learn how to share your life with him while still standing on your own as an independent person eventually it will destroy the relationship. It's great to have somebody good in your life but you need to be able to survive and enjoy a life seperate from them as well. It's good for the relationship.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted April 1, 2009 Author Posted April 1, 2009 If you don't learn how to share your life with him while still standing on your own as an independent person eventually it will destroy the relationship. It's great to have somebody good in your life but you need to be able to survive and enjoy a life seperate from them as well. It's good for the relationship. I'm just not sure how to go about it. One of my 'problems' is that I am quite a picky people person, so I get quite easily bored and irritated in the company of most people. He is one of the few people that I never get bored of.
Woggle Posted April 1, 2009 Posted April 1, 2009 I'm just not sure how to go about it. One of my 'problems' is that I am quite a picky people person, so I get quite easily bored and irritated in the company of most people. He is one of the few people that I never get bored of. There has to be some people you can be friends with and if not can't you just hang out alone. I enjoy going into New York alone by myself sometimes just to clear my head and then I come home and feel refreshed. There has to be things to do in London by yourself.
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