writergal Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 It's been 3 months since my ex broke up with me. I was the second woman he dated after his divorce and immediately within weeks he told me he loved me, gave me his apartment keys, and said that I was "the one" he wanted to be with for a long time. We only dated briefly, for 3 months before I reacted emotionally to suspicion that he was flirting with a female coworker he told me his ex-wife hated b/c he said he would sneak around his ex-wife's back to hang out with this woman, although nothing sexual supposedly ever happened b/c they work together. What I did wrong and out of an emotional reaction without thinking things through first, was to snoop on his cellphone, found flirtacious text messages more from her than him, and accused him of cheating on me with her, which wasn't true. He broke up with me that night, telling me that he didn't want to deal with my trust issues and that he wasn't happy and had to work out his own stuff. Not something very mature for a 38 year old woman to do. Then one month ago, I went back online and re-registered on the dating website where he and I met, and saw that he had viewed my profile. But he send me an email or anything, just viewed my profile. Then I emailed him, asking him to get together to talk. He emailed me back saying that he didn't see us getting back together because he had his own things to work out. I chose not to respond to his email b/c I didn't want to make the same mistake again, and react emotionally without taking time to think it through. On a whim, I called him last night and he answered. He was at a friend's party. We chatted about superficial things and laughed, but neither of us mentioned our relationship or the break-up. He did ask me if everything was okay and if I was happy and I said yes, instead of the truth which was that I miss him a lot and wish he would give me a second chance. After the phone call, I felt more regret than before. The conversation was so positive, so lighthearted just like when we first met that it gave me a feeling of false hope of the near future. I don't want to waste time trying to interpret why he answered his phone and took my call. But I know that couples have broken up and got back together and worked things out. So it is a possibility as long as both people want to try again. I mean, I waited 3 months to call *him* versus waiting for him to call *me* which was never likely going to happen. Doesn't that show I have given him his space? Then I wonder if my desire to get back together is less about my need to be attached to someone, than it is to have him take me back so he can help me work on my issues that caused the break up -- emotionally reacting versus more objective thinking behavior. Does that make any sense? Sometimes I think we want to get back together with exes so we don't have to confront ourselves about our own behavior and fix that behavior so that our future relationships don't suffer the same unfortunate consequences. I think he and I had great chemistry together. We just rushed into the relationship too quickly, did not give each other adequate space, and rushed things sexually too quickly as well. Then broke-up as quickly as we got together. He broke up with the previous gal he dated before me, over the phone as well, after they dated for 5 months. She was his first girlfriend since his divorce and I was his 2nd girlfriend. So the odds aren't in my favor, for anything sustantial if he hasn't emotionally healed from the divorce of his 10 year marriage, right? What do you think I should do?
OpenBook Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Quit stalking him!! Let him go; it's done, there's nothing left to hang around for. When a guy breaks up with a gal so coldly like that, there's no chance for an R with him. He's got nothing to offer you, except pain. Who needs it??!? And quit berating yourself already!! Sheesh. You didn't do anything wrong. He's a moron.
7117 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 First off I think that looking through the phone was not good.The main thing here is this guy was married for 10 years not 2 not 5 but 10 thats pretty long.So would I think he is over his ex no way not even close.I dont know how there marriage ended or if they would ever get back totally not the issue.Anyway him answering the phone when he was out at a party thats a really really good thing.If he didn't wonder or care about you trust me he would have not answered#1 good thing 2nd good thing he is looking at your profile probably wanted to see your pictures or what's going on with you on there.Thats all I can input there it's just not enough history for this guy to run back to you he is coming out of a 10 year marriage.I hope it works out for you wish I had that magical answer to give ya.
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