Waitress Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I was reading the recent thread about the guy who thinks his new girlfriend has hang-ups. Like some of the other respondents I did not see her behavior as hang-up behavior. She just wanted to take it slow. Like many women. And I think it's a good lesson for men to learn that sometimes women will go along with things physically because they can feel your desire and don't want to hurt and/or disappoint you. And later they will regret it, feel it was too soon, etc. Yet, I had an experience recently with this guy I'm dating. I'm sure I was giving him confusing signals about what I wanted with affection. It's been a while since I started a new relationship, I was drunk and nervous and, well, I ended up spending several days obsessing, wanting to fix it somehow. Did I make a mistake? I don't know. In a way, time will tell. He's away for business right now and has emailed a couple of times. Emails which I have obsessed over. I like this guy a lot and hope it's not over. He seemed a little "off put" in the days following our evening together. But then I went back and read the emails and think I was reading them wrong. I never know how to react. I have come to see that my personal history is going to come into play in any present-day relationship. BUT, so is the other person's. And I'm trying to think of that, too. The guy in the thread about hang-ups said he is inexperienced. Well, I gotta tell you, experience can have it's problems, too. Sometimes you're not responding to the person in the current relationship. Sometimes you're responding to something from a previous relationship and sometimes you're responding to the self-destructive voices in your head. And we do have to consider the other person. Really listen to what they tell us about themselves and their history. The answers are all there. And we will understand it at some point. BUT, I think one thing we forget is that it can take a very long time to really know someone. And too often we fill in the blanks ourselves and then get disappointed or angry if the other person doesn't turn out to be the way we imagined. So, yeah, slow is best. Even when there's attraction and hormones raging. I'm plenty attracted to this guy, but I just can't rush into things physically. It's just how I am. But still I am left wondering and obsessing. And trying to just chill. Because the one thing experience has taught me is over-analyzing is a sure way for me to bring about the exact result I don't want! At least for me.
happigolucky Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 wow what you just said is exactly like me. I over analye ALL the time! And it just ends up making me completely miserable, I end up spending most of my time thinking over useless rubbish that just doesn't help when I could be spending that valuable time doing something more productive. I do think we need to stop over analysing, and comparing relationships to ones previously. I find it really hard to separate past relationships to current ones and always compare them to fill in the blanks. Im trying hard now to just 'be' and stop thinking about things. What will be will be
colosseum Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I over analye ALL the time! And it just ends up making me completely miserable, I end up spending most of my time thinking over useless rubbish that just doesn't help when I could be spending that valuable time doing something more productive... Im trying hard now to just 'be' and stop thinking about things. What will be will be Story of my life. Trying to fix that like you though, happigolucky!
Johnny80 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Well, I can only hope at this point that the girl I've been seeing is just like you.. In my case I was the one who didn't the physical bit go too fast too early. But I like her very much and want it to go well. Lately she's been very off though... It's hard not to worry when we're the overanalyzing kind of people... Good luck!
BobSacamento Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I used to overanalyze everything. I'm trying to not do it as much. I find Over analyzing is such an utter waste of time and energy. Now I spend my hours/days convincing myself I'm an idiot.
Author Waitress Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 Here it is, 22 hours after my original post and I'm still obsessing and worrying. It's been a good experience for me though because I'm approaching it as a learning experience. I'll have a much better idea of what's going on a week from now. But doesn't a week seem like such a long time when you're faced with worries. We all know though that the time goes so fast and I have been determined lately to not wish away any time. It's all really so precious. My big obsession right now is that he hasn't made plans to get together for when he gets back from his trip. He only says he'll call when he gets back. So my obsessing has caused me to decide he wants to call to break things off rather than through email. In my heart I know none of this is likely true. But after I feel that I end up thinking, well, maybe. The things we do to ourselves!! Thanks for the responses everyone.
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