Rebuilding A Relationship After Cheating In The Beginning Of Dating?

[WAgirl]

This may be long-winded, so please bare with me. I left my (ex)boyfriend of 14 months in January because of a simple fall out in our relationship (We lived together and I realized that I didn't love him anymore, etc.). Shortly after, I met up with this guy that I had spoken to innocently as a friend randomly since that August. He had moved away for some self-discovery, but returned to our shared hometown to visit his friends.

 

Timing worked out to my advantage, I was abl to meet him after becoming single. We spent the week together and were totally smitten. This sounds soon to happen, but my relationship with my ex had been dead for half the relationship. It was just one of those "We'll just keep trying, maybe it's a phase" type of thing. After I took him to the airport to fly home, we were on the phone nonstop and kept our sparks going. However, I made it clear to him that I should be single for a bit, even though I did have feelings for him. One night, I wanted to drink and was desperate (and stupid) enough to call my ex to pick up some, knowing he would. He did, and I convinced him to come over with it.

 

To sum up what happened, I ended up getting intoxicated and sleeping with him. I know why I did it. I know it was wrong. I felt guilty the entire time, and cried immediately afterwards. And I lied to myself about, and to my new beau for 2 days. He knew the entire time because my ex told him, and told him not to tell me he knew. Finally, after lying, I told him the whole truth. He was obviously disgusted and hurt. We agreed that I needed to see him as soon as possible, so I flew out to see him for 2 weeks. We talked a lot of things out the first night, and there was a lot of anger and confusion. But the rest of the trip, it wasn't mentioned and we had the best time together.

 

So much, we missed my flight purposely because neither of us wanted to part. So now, I am home, trying to do what I can financially to get myself out there, so we don't have to be on seperate sides of the country any longer. Bottom line, he never got over it, never will, and we are trying to rebuild the relationship. He initiated "rules" and I have been trying my best to follow them. Things like, if you go drink, always come home and call before you go to bed. I messed that one up once, but he understands it was out of my hands. Then recently I was put into the position where I slept in the same bed as the one in happened it, so he was just as hurt then as the night the inital cheating happened. And without thinking, I took a picture sitting on it.

 

I just keep doing these little mess-ups and it seriously hurts him. Now we are at a point where I need to fix things, obviously with myself, in order for us to move forward. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I feel like I am hitting a brick wall, it's just so hard. But I would do anything for him and for us, he's the best thing in my life. What I did was mindless, and naive. I am a weak person, I already have known that for years, thus my issues. I have a problem with justifying everything. I don't know how to prove to him that I will get better, and that we will be able to get to the point where we can work on this together and move on.

[tashaNjesse]

well you just need to talk with him about it and make sure he knows you want him and you will try to make things work

 

I can see why he has a hard time letting it go its gonna take a while to rebuild his trust in you but im sure if you guys really love each other you should be able to get his trust back and when you live together it shouldn't be as hard trusting each other

 

Just keep trying =}

 

hell forgive u

[samsungxoxo]

Well it's gonna take a while for that trust to get rebuild and even so, it will never really be the same again as before but it can get stronger that's for sure. Just do everything he ask you to and don't get defensive when he ask you questions about your whereabouts. Tell him the truth at all times and he will forgive you.

[In Like Flynn]

I don't know how to prove to him that I will get better, and that we will be able to get to the point where we can work on this together and move on.

 

You won't be able to "Prove" to him that you will be faithful. You start out with the benefit of the doubt and full trust....after that its all about you and your intregity. You have lost the benefit of the doubt and full trust now. He only has your past behavior to go on albeit over a short period of time. You will have to show that you can be trusted/faithful over time. His rules don't sound to hard to follow....unless you still have a little wayward in you still.

[Dexter Morgan]

Bottom line, he never got over it, never will, and we are trying to rebuild the relationship. He initiated "rules" and I have been trying my best to follow them. Things like, if you go drink, always come home and call before you go to bed. I messed that one up once, but he understands it was out of my hands. Then recently I was put into the position where I slept in the same bed as the one in happened it, so he was just as hurt then as the night the inital cheating happened.

 

You are working to rebuild the relationship, but you keep throwing yourself in situations that will result in your cheating again or that resulted in it before.

 

And you are not PUT in a position where you are sleeping in the same bed as another guy...and I am assuming with the same guy you screwed behind your bf's back. What the hell is the matter with you?

 

You are not working at anything with regards to rebuilding the relationship. You can't even follow the simple "rules" set forth by him which are MORE than reasonable. He isn't forbidding you to do anything. He is just expecting you to keep yourself in check....and you can't even do that!! Honestly, I wouldn't blame your bf for saying, "go drinking one more time and we are through"...because its obvious you can't handle it if you found yourself sleeping in the same bed as another guy again...much less the same guy you cheated on him with before.

 

 

And without thinking, I took a picture sitting on it.

 

 

Took a picture of what? Sitting on what? Do I have to ask what you were sitting on here?

 

 

I just keep doing these little mess-ups and it seriously hurts him.

 

There is nothing "little" about what you are doing even if you don't physically cheat. You shouldn't even be in those situations in the first place if you are claiming to be rebuilding the R.

 

 

Now we are at a point where I need to fix things, obviously with myself, in order for us to move forward. I have no idea what to do. Sometimes I feel like I am hitting a brick wall, it's just so hard. But I would do anything for him and for us, he's the best thing in my life. What I did was mindless, and naive. I am a weak person, I already have known that for years, thus my issues. I have a problem with justifying everything. I don't know how to prove to him that I will get better, and that we will be able to get to the point where we can work on this together and move on.

 

 

I think you need to break up with him and fix yourself before getting into any more committed relationships. Seems you like to party too much and that isn't good for a committed relationship.

 

Maybe you need to sew your oats, get the partying out of your system, and move on. And I wouldn't count on anything in the future with this guy. Don't keep him dangling on a string. You have proven you can't even do one small request for him when he isn't denying you a life at all.

 

so end it, fix yourself, and learn that if you don't, you are going to lose someone you really want, whether it be him, or any other guy in the future.

[Spectre]

Leave the guy alone, why does he deserve to be with a chick who can't keep her legs closed around her ex? He's honestly better off without someone like you in his life.