onmyown Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 My ex and I are still friends we see each other every other month for coffee.And every Christmas he still sends me a gift which he started giving me when we were togehter, (nothing fancy just the lastest animation like mulan, beauty and beast, cinderella). We met the other day and we were reminiscing about our past life together and this just opened every feelings I have for him after 5 years of being separated. I didn't realize how much I care and love him and how I wished I could undo what happened to both of us. So I wrote him an email and told him that I miss us and our friendship and how I wish that I could be still be a part of his life. And he replied: I will always love you. And I will always do what I can to help you. But I'm in a relationship that has stabilized my life. I hope you understand that. And I also hope you understand that no one will ever take your place in my heart. It hurts to know but....I love him so much that I wanted him to be happy. How can I assure him that all I wish for him is his happiness?
hopesndreams Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 And I also hope you understand that no one will ever take your place in my heart. hot air; sending you a conflicting message He has no interest in you the same way you have interest in him but doesn't have the b*lls to tell you and pretty much likes the attention you give him and doesn't want to give that up. Your choice what to do about that but speaking from experience...he can toy with ya all he wants and it's up to you whether you bite or not. He can play this out forever if you let him. If all you wish is for his happiness, then tell him and be done with it, but if you are expecting more...don't hold your breath.
Author onmyown Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 You're right hopesndreams his message is conflicting...... He is a very sensitive person though, he is that type that would cry easily. He may still have feelings for me but scared of being with me. I left him and turned his world inside out.... we were both financially and emotionally distressed after our divorce. You maybe right I maybe wrong but my gut feeling is telling me that he still has feelings for me or everytime we see each other we do still feel some sense of comfort.
hopesndreams Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Onmyown...he is with someone else. Granted, he may be sensitive than most other guys but the fact remains...he is with someone else. Of course he still has feelings for you but who is he with right now? What's it gonna take for him to dump the girl who is "stabilizing" his life right now? More coffee time with you? And what if he dumps this woman that is "stabilizing" him for you and you two get together, what's to stop him from doing the same to you? If he were single I would say go for it...but he isn't and until such time...keep your distance. Stop the coffee time, stop the thinking about him...he is taken. He's told you that but kinda told ya you had a chance with him. That just isn't morally right, right?
sugarmomma Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I wonder if the person that stabilizes his life knows that he's still seeing you and buying you gifts. He is a greedy person getting emotioanl security from you and everything else from her. I would cut him off because like the previous poster said, he will do this forever. He has moved on and found someone else and you should be doing the same.
Gunny376 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Not true! I loved my X so much! I would rather see her happy with someone else! Than MISERABLE with ME! I LOVED HER THAT MUCH! I'm beyond that now! But? I've been to that place! Wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy!
Author onmyown Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 Very true Gunny376.....I want him to be happy. But it's a miserable place to be....but instead of being mean spirited I rather have that wish him the best. What comes around goes around....
imagine Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I believe him! Reconstruction of your relationship will die like the first time it failed. Time has the ability of imparting nostalgia to relationships. Rebuild you. Leave old relationships alone.
husbndinthemaking Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 My ex and I are still friends we see each other every other month for coffee.And every Christmas he still sends me a gift which he started giving me when we were togehter, (nothing fancy just the lastest animation like mulan, beauty and beast, cinderella). We met the other day and we were reminiscing about our past life together and this just opened every feelings I have for him after 5 years of being separated. I didn't realize how much I care and love him and how I wished I could undo what happened to both of us. So I wrote him an email and told him that I miss us and our friendship and how I wish that I could be still be a part of his life. And he replied: I will always love you. And I will always do what I can to help you. But I'm in a relationship that has stabilized my life. I hope you understand that. And I also hope you understand that no one will ever take your place in my heart. It hurts to know but....I love him so much that I wanted him to be happy. How can I assure him that all I wish for him is his happiness? If I had a dollar for every time I heard this story... Geesh. Yeah. By distancing yourself and not being able to have that person in your life again, you miss them. No negative energy there anymore. Bringing the positive feelings back makes you regret and wish for things you can no longer have. Take this as a sign for things to come. If you are unaware of how relationships work, you will end up in the same siutation, over and over again. Best of luck.
PWSX3 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I think those feelings are normal. When you divorce I don't think you separate like you were when you were single & dating. Their will always be memories that keep you thinking of the other person. I feel their might still be something between the two of you that you haven't grieved & moved on with & that is what you need to work on...... Just like Gunny, you can be divorced for a long time but you still have thoughts cross your mind once in a while of your ex...
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