SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 So I've been out of circulation for 25 years and newly separated and feeling like a kid in a candy shop. I thought I'd post on one of those dating sites just to see who might turn up and not expecting a whole lot. At first I waited to see who might write (I'm 49 yo, BTW) but no one did, so I picked a couple of likely looking guys--average looking, not too handsome, since I have no idea what anyone thinks of me really. No answer and no one writes. I start to get a bit depressed, esp since I went out on a very safe blind date with some guy who turned out to weigh about 100 lbs more than his pic and he didn't even like me much--just went straight home after the symphony. That same night I went home all dressed up w/ nowhere to go and went to a coffee shop and this drop dead gorgeous man flirted with me for a while and then at work the next day a very nice looking teacher flirted too--I think he'd just found out I was available. So I was feeling a bit better. Then the next day the hottest looking man on the dating site wrote and told me how beautiful I am and he was only 40. I got a couple more letters from men--also very good looking--and they thought I was very attractive too, and now some 29 yo cutie pie is writing, but WTF! Then some guy from India wants to marry me--in the first email. Is this common for these sites? The thing is, I'm not taking a single one of them seriously--the first one is a construction engineer, but has the worst spelling and grammar I've ever seen--like almost incoherent. I don't know--I guess I thought maybe in a month or two I might have heard from 1 or 2 normal looking and sounding men, but instead it feels like these guys probably don't really look like their pic if they think I'm beautiful--the 29 yo is the only one I was even tempted to write back to--at least he's extremely entertaining. I guess I sound silly, esp at my age, but I'm confused--I'm not attractive to average looking men, but I am to some handsome men? (if they really are that goodlooking on the dating website) I might add that the pix I posted are real--I didn't even have on make-up or nice clothes, though I was on vacation, LOL. I need some perspective here. LOL - this has almost nothing to do with "dating". You are merely a woman on the internet.
Author stepka Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 LOL - this has almost nothing to do with "dating". You are merely a woman on the internet. Well you're right about that--I haven't gotten a date yet. Update here, and this is funny--a friend came up from the country to visit and she is 12 years younger and more attractive (judging by the attention she gets when we go out) and she decided to sign up for the service. She started getting hits from guys within 5 minutes of posting her profile! I had to laugh though, b/c they were from guys I would never have given the time of day to and they would not leave her alone. I decided that maybe I'd rather be me after all. Also, the 29 yo has been so entertaining with his letters that I may actually pursue that for fun, though I'm not in a hurry to meet b/c the letters are so much fun (very literary LOL). I think you guys are right though, the ones who think I should try to meet people the old-fashioned way--I can't get over the feeling that I am shopping for a man when on-line. And no era, I'm not lying about my age--like you said, lying about anything important could come back and hit you in the face--besides I really want someone to help me celebrate my 50th b-day:D
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Try volunteering. You will meet quality people there and you will have something in common-wanting to help people. i know people who have met people online, so it can be done, but it is nicer to meet people through activities that are meaningful to you. It takes the pressure off, and you have something in common. My uncle met his current wife through a biking group after his wife died. It was low-key, not competitive or anything. Just fun. He was in his late 40's when he met her, and so was she.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 30, 2009 Posted March 30, 2009 Well you're right about that--I haven't gotten a date yet. Update here, and this is funny--a friend came up from the country to visit and she is 12 years younger and more attractive (judging by the attention she gets when we go out) and she decided to sign up for the service. She started getting hits from guys within 5 minutes of posting her profile! I had to laugh though, b/c they were from guys I would never have given the time of day to and they would not leave her alone. I decided that maybe I'd rather be me after all. Also, the 29 yo has been so entertaining with his letters that I may actually pursue that for fun, though I'm not in a hurry to meet b/c the letters are so much fun (very literary LOL). I think you guys are right though, the ones who think I should try to meet people the old-fashioned way--I can't get over the feeling that I am shopping for a man when on-line. And no era, I'm not lying about my age--like you said, lying about anything important could come back and hit you in the face--besides I really want someone to help me celebrate my 50th b-day:D I hope you took my brief response to be underscoring the mere fact that scores and scores of women experience online life much as you describe, mostly for their existing in a place where men are now emboldened by what they sense to be their relative anonymity. And while they might not be fully 'anonymous', the effect is similar to that of how the numbers of suicides in asia by people throwing themselves in front of subway trains was reduced once the authorities put MIRRORS across the tracks, forcing anyone with the idea to have to WATCH THEMSELVES leap. (translation: men sense that they can state more closely to what's on their mind when merely communicating online. In real life, they refrain from many of the most outlandish things. You hear it all on the net, particularly when you're a woman or anyone with a seeming female persona.)
Recommended Posts