Johnny80 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 OK people, I've noticed something... It's common but I'd like to know ideas from both sides of the trenches. I've seen this happening to me over the years, at least 3 times. I think I'm getting into a similar situation again, so I'd like to hear ways you people think good to approach a situation like this. It's a good topic by itself. Situation: Boy Meets Girl Boy and Girl start courtship and eventually get interested in each other Boy and Girl get ALMOST there (or there) and all looks amazing. Girl enters depression (or very melancholic) and(/or?) closes down (in my case refugiates in work). Boy is left completely confused and clueless. From a couple of experiences, I've noticed this may be because of ex's... But it's interesting it's a common trigger.. They meet a nice guy and BOOM, they go down...? In the cases I've noticed, this happens in the very very last stages of courting, right before kissing or around those inicial physical moments. There is no warning, they seem like two people falling in love... And then, just happens out of nowhere. I really wouldn't like this one to go. Would like to know what I can do for her. If you're a girl who's done this, get us your point of view and what could have happened to change it. If you're a guy who this happened to, and made it through, tell us about it too!
citizen67 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 If this is a pattern, consider that you may be attracted to women w/ problems. Myabe you have a savior complex? Or like vulnerable types?
era Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Just so I have this straight...you're dating a girl, everything is amazing, then suddenly she plunges into the deepest despair of clinical depression. Now you're worried that you may be the cause. I think the girls likely had this disorder long before you came along. Chin up.....
Trialbyfire Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Johnny80, so these are women you've barely started dating or have only dated once? Or do you wait until a few dates previous to kissing a girl? I guess I'm trying to figure out the timing of this, in relation to the number of dates.
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 That happens to me when I am dating a guy that is nice and seems good on paper, but I am not into him. I try to force myself to go on a few dates and then when I feel that it's DEFINETLY not going to work I get sad (not clinicial depression tohugh) because I realize another potential relationship gone and I feel sorry for the guy. Outwardly, I become more distant, am slower to return texts and calls and talk less when on dates. Eventually a guy will call me up on it and we would "break up". This can be a span of anywhere from 1-10 dates.
7117 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I would say this has kinda happened to me 2 times.But both times the girls were both coming off long term relationships and were both dumped.Once things got good with us it was like they felt guilty to move on from this other guy and tried running back only to get hurt again.I beat myself up over it but realize you can never make someone in there heart stop feelings for another.Dont worry about dust yourself off and find out more when getting to know someone I think that is the safe way.Good Luck
Art_Critic Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I think what you are seeing as depression is nothing more than the girl grieving for the relationship as she has figured out it isn't for her.. This precedes the breakup and there are NO triggers to avoid and this is just what dating is all about.. finding the one that you can be compatible with and when you figure out you aren't with that person you feel bad and then move on... You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find one.. you will...
Author Johnny80 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 Well, we've "dated" twice after a two month communication buildup and actually meeting in person meanwhile, although we already had seen each other around for about 10 years (small city).. Nothing like a real official date but more of a get together. On both times there was an amazing chemistry! The first time we had a little to drink and I could notice she really wanted to kiss me, we met randomly and we ended up at her place to drink some more. I kept being sweet but didn't want to rush in too early. I didn't really cut her out or anything. Second date was the day right after (dinner at her place) and we had a really good connection going still, I mean really REALLY good (on all my dating years, and I'm not that young a fellow -30-, I've never seen a connection as strong as ours - that why I fell for her so badly). I kept sending small signs of interest and getting them back for a couple of days, but she had already told me she had a lot of work upcoming (and she was also dealing with some personal issues regarding a close friend's suicide attempt and had sort of closed down before those two "dates"). I invited her for a next date some days after, and she replied telling me she was stressing out and needed to close down, but would have to keep it for a later time and that she would love to have dinner with me again. That was last Tuesday. She's been laying low since then, minimal contact, pocket talk.. I just met her today, I COULD notice she was in the middle of a SERIOUS conversation with a girlfriend, not looking very happy about it, so we just greeted and then she excused herself, and before she left, just greeted again... We didn't exchange more than 10-15 words. I waited until the place closed (5 minutes after) stormed out, we still crossed paths, smiled and waved and left alone. Couldn't stand being on a public place for much longer. I'm really sad about this, to be honest. I think if it has nothing to do with me, she will contact me by tomorrow or so saying she was sorry or anything... If not, well.. Dunno. Guess I'll close down too... Thanks for the words.
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