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For all the struggling women out there

teachrmn

By teachrmn
in Separation and Divorce

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teachrmn Member

teachrmn

Posted
Posted

I've had seen some sad stories in this section of the forum. Right now I have a friend whom I work with who struggling currently with a marriage/separation situation. I try to listen and be a good friend and wonder how many other women there are out there in the same situation she is in. So I took the time to read some of the threads in this section. I really find this to be depressing, and hard to understand. Why is it that so many women are putting themselves through such hell. I mean let me explain.

First of all a little about me, I am a single male, in my mid 30's. I've recieve many compliments on how I am a nice/funny/likeable/warm guy. I guess what's hard for me when I read some of these post by women who are struggling in relationships is, why are they trying so hard to save a relationship with a man whom do not know how to love a woman or make a woman happy? There are so many of us good guys out there whom are so deserving and are not even giving the chance. Guys like myself are thrown out of the mix, for whatever reasons, struggle with being alone and trying to make sense of things. For example I move to a new area (North Carolina) and am getting out there and meeting new people, but it is so frustrating at the age group that I am in to meet single women. I see and hear so many women out there in these types of relationships, I wonder if these women are afraid of taking the time to put them selves out there. Are these women wondering if they will ever meet a good man or find love again? I have a few lady friends whom always tell me, "I never find a good man" or " I'll never find love". Ladies there are many of us great guys out there whom are compassionate, loving, fun and outgoing. Don't be afraid to move on, because believe me, many of us guys such as myself are waiting for a wonderful woman to come into our lives.~

 

;)

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

Posted
Posted

It's true!

 

There's life after divorce and not only that, there are good men out there. Why hang onto someone who either doesn't want to be held, treats you like crap or can't keep it in their pants? Get out there and start dating. It's a blast! :bunny:

 

Btw, I'm 34 years old so I'm no youngun'. Post divorce I was 32 and it took me a couple of years to get in the right mindset and also, to find the right man, after my ex-H cheated on me. :)

  • Author
teachrmn Member

teachrmn

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Trialbyfire, its great to hear you were able to move on. How long did it take? Where did you meet this new person? I could use some ideas, thanks.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

Posted
Posted

I was about 99% moved on by the time my divorce papers were finalized. It took another 6 months to move that last 1%. Within a couple of months of being separated, I started dating right away. Just dating lightly with a couple of guys, who were confirmed bachelors, who knew where I was at, since I've known them for years.

 

After the divorce was finalized, I dated a number of different men, until I finally met my fiancé by accident. He helped to dig my car out of the snow before Christmas and from there, we started dating on NY's Eve. :)

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

OP, something you must understand about women is how they cleanse and center themselves by venting their problems and commiserating with fellow women (and penis-less men) over the trials and tribulations of their marriages and relationships.

 

The rotten husband could've made one critical remark in week of unbridled praise and she'll focus right in on that and build it into the most horrific story of "he doesn't understand me", " I can't do anything right"-itis you've ever heard.

 

After a lifetime of hearing such rants from female friends, and having at a much younger age had your perspective on it, I now know better and know it has nothing to do with me or my value as a man. I smile, listen, empathize and go mow the lawn ;)

chrissreef Established Member

chrissreef

Posted
Posted

guys/girls think/communicate differently. I'm a great guy but my ex-fiancee left me.

 

here's some examples

F "wow, this looks like a good movie"

M "yup, sure does"

what she meant to say was "take me to this movie"... a female friend would have seen the underlying message.

 

F "you spend a lot of time on your hobby"

M "yup, i love this hobby, it really inspires me"

what she meant to say was "you don't spend enough time with me" she would have been better off telling the guy "can you please spend 1 hr of quality time with me a day doing XYZ"

 

I don't think it's a lack of women not putting themselves out there or being with guys that treat them bad (remember, this forum is full of emotion and some things may be blown bigger than they are) - I think it's just a communication/interpretation issue both in their relationships and M readers of F posts and F readers of M posts. Perspectives/logic/emotions are just different.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Oh, you'll like this, and it's somewhat on-topic...

 

W = "OOh, you know who's on tour right now in Australia"

 

H = "Yes, of course I do. Wanna go?"

 

W = "Well, I don't know"

 

H = "Let me figure out a way"

 

Much later, in marriage counseling...

 

W = "Well, I didn't think we could afford it and didn't really want to go but didn't want to say anything to hurt H's feelings "

 

True story, just one of many from the carhill vault.

 

When you're married to a guy who does read between the lines, you'd better watch what you're not saying ;)

hopesndreams Established Member

hopesndreams

Posted
Posted

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your perspective on this and you are absolutely right. When I come out of my heartache I hope to find someone like you at the end of it.

Gunny376 Established Member

Gunny376

Posted
Posted

The problem is the disparity:

 

 

 

Rachel is a real girl. The list was taken from her website. Rachel is a typical young American woman. Keep in mind that she expects everything on the list simply because she has young and is a female.

  1. 5'8” and taller
  2. Dark brown hair with brown eyes/blue eyes
  3. Handsome
  4. Muscular
  5. Weight depending on height – not skinny, not fat
  6. Good sense of humor
  7. Dimples
  8. Cute laugh
  9. Sensitive
  10. *Affectionate* in front of friends
  11. Gives me lots of attention
  12. Outgoing
  13. Popular but doesn't know the whole state
  14. Friends with my friends
  15. Nice smile
  16. Straight teeth
  17. No facial or body hair (except legs n under arms)
  18. Pierced ear(s) if any
  19. Not too many tattoos if any
  20. Likes to cuddle
  21. Likes to party
  22. Takes me out
  23. Grabs my hand to hold
  24. Kisses me unexpectedly
  25. Dresses nice (*ABERCROMBIE*) hehe
  26. Has a good job
  27. Tells me he misses me when we're not together
  28. Makes me laugh
  29. Open minded
  30. Polite
  31. Holds doors for me
  32. Opens car doors
  33. *Romantic*
  34. Likes all type of music
  35. Likes going to the movies
  36. Talks to his friends about me
  37. Looks into my eyes when just laying there on the bed
  38. Gives massages without me having to ask
  39. Plays with my hair
  40. Calls me to just say hi
  41. Tries not to argue
  42. Apologizes for when he does wrong
  43. Says what he's feeling
  44. Has a car
  45. Has a dog
  46. Has a family that likes me
  47. Compliments me
  48. Is tan
  49. Doesn't curse all the time
  50. Wants to be with me as much as possible
  51. Comes over unexpectedly
  52. Wakes me up with a kiss
  53. Same age or 3 years at the most older than me
  54. *Trustworthy*
  55. Patient
  56. Likes to shop
  57. Has good manners
  58. Doesn't smoke
  59. Occasionally drinks
  60. Athletic
  61. Is on time for dates
  62. Calls back later when he says he will
  63. Lives close to me
  64. Wants to meet my family
  65. Treats me like a princess
  66. Has a cute butt
  67. Good kissable lips
  68. Good kisser
  69. Good memory
  70. Does special things for holidays/birthdays/anniversary/etc
  71. Intelligent
  72. Has direction
  73. Creative
  74. Likes everything about me
  75. Committed
  76. *My best friend*
  77. Respectful
  78. Mature
  79. Persistent – Hard working
  80. Likes walks on the beach
  81. Likes just staying home sometimes
  82. Writes me songs/poems
  83. Likes to dance
  84. Has a sexy voice
  85. Cooks for me
  86. Likes to show me off
  87. Calls me or introduces me as his "girlfriend" not "Rachel"
  88. Likes to take pictures
  89. Flirts with me in public and in private
  90. Puts up with my mood swings
  91. Comforts me when I'm sad
  92. Doesn't say “sorry” all the time when it's not needed
  93. Sticks up for me
  94. Likes animals
  95. Sends me flowers for no reason
  96. Ignores my imperfections
  97. Surprises me (good surprises)
  98. Doesn't ever yell at me
  99. Likes picnics
  100. Likes to clean
  101. First to say I Love You
  102. Listens to me
  103. Smells good
  104. *Doesn't lie*
  105. Likes kids
  106. Makes me the center of his world
  107. Not in trouble with the law
  108. Isn't a goody-goody
  109. Doesn't stare at other girls
  110. Doesn't talk to other girls more than me
  111. Doodles our names on paper
  112. Likes to draw
  113. Leaves notes on my car
  114. Let's me go out with him and his friends
  115. Will hang out with me and my friends
  116. Puts pictures of me in his car and wallet
  117. Gets jealous but not too jealous
  118. Dependable
  119. Doesn't hang up on me
  120. Calls me babe, sweetie, etc
  121. Calls me cute pet names
  122. Isn't conceited
  123. Isn't a penny-pincher
  124. Likes sports and going to sports events
  125. Likes to play board games/video games and lets me win
  126. Doesn't play mind games
  127. Doesn't just think about sex
  128. Cares about world issues
  129. Doesn't make me cry
  130. Leaves sweet voicemails/text messages on my phone
  131. Isn't shy
  132. Has hopes, dreams, and wishes
  133. Not opinionated
  134. Will watch chick flicks even if he doesn't like them
  135. Can spell

Here is a typical 28yo American woman's personals ad. Interestingly, the only things she says about herself is that she is lazy, bitchy, ugly, and does not like giving oral sex.

 

 

 

This is my ideal guy:

  1. He has talent I can respect. Either he is a great artist or a musician with his own style or otherwise great at some craft. His talent doesn't follow the herd.
  2. If he is not artistic than at least he enjoys the arts, music and books. If he has an interest in anything beyond mindless pop culture, video games and TV, that would be ideal. Not that any of that is too bad, but there is just so much more to life.
  3. He has goals, not dreams. He strategizes on how he can realize his goals in light of whatever life has handed him as his fate.
  4. He is an animal lover and has compassion for people.
  5. He is financially solvent. He doesn't spend money he doesn't have and doesn't try to buy a woman's affection. He plans his livestyle to be uncomplicated and has common sense in regards to what is a wise investment or not.
  6. He is not selfish and self-centered.
  7. He likes his mom and female siblings and is nice to them.
  8. He takes care of his emotional health as well as being conscious of his physical health.
  9. He lives to travel and be spontaneous.
  10. He is a one woman guy. He is not constantly searching for new ass. He's not an oral freak and wants to be with a girl who isn't into it either. He likes touching, kissing, giving and receiving massages. He knows where tha g-spot is.
  11. He likes an independent lady who has her own interests, goals, and ideas and is supportive of her reaching them, as opposed to competing with her or taking no interest.
  12. He wants to have a child. Not immediately, but he does see that in his future. He doesn't currently have any.
  13. He's never been told by a girlfriend that he needs professional psychological help. If he has, he has gotten it and its been at least 5 years since he's gotten better.
  14. He would rather do the right thing than try to get away with something.
  15. He was not raised catholic.
  16. He can cook and do his own laundry and doesn't expect his girlfriend to do it.
  17. He believes in karma.
  18. He listens to his inner voice and doesn't deny his real feelings. He can discuss issues and conflicts civily, even though a complete resolution may not come about.
  19. He is not looking for a super model, but a real, normal person.

In the end? Its all age related?

 

What I Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)

 

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially successful
  4. A caring listener
  5. Witty
  6. In good shape
  7. Dresses with style
  8. Appreciates finer things
  9. Full of thoughtful surprises
  10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

 

  1. Nice looking--prefer hair on his head
  2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
  3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
  4. Listens more than talks
  5. Laughs at my jokes
  6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
  7. Owns at least one tie
  8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
  9. Remembers anniversaries
  10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

 

  1. Not too ugly--bald head OK
  2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
  3. Works steady--splurges on dinner at Denny's on occasion
  4. Nods head when I'm talking
  5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
  10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

 

  1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
  2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
  3. Doesn't borrow money too often
  4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
  5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
  6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
  9. Remembers your name on occasion
  10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

 

  1. Doesn't scare small children
  2. Remembers where bathroom is
  3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
  4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
  5. Remembers why he's laughing
  6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  7. Usually wears some clothes
  8. Likes soft foods
  9. Remembers where he left his teeth
  10. Remembers that it is a weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

 

  1. Breathing

What men want (Any age)

 

1. Likes sex

2. Likes sex

3. Likes sex

4. Is female

5. Can still fog up a mirror and still has a pulse?

hopesndreams Established Member

hopesndreams

Posted
Posted

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

Not too ugly--bald head OK

Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car

Works steady--splurges on dinner at Denny's on occasion

Nods head when I'm talking

Usually remembers punch lines of jokes

Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture

Wears a shirt that covers his stomach

Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids

Remembers to put the toilet seat down

Shaves on most weekends

 

I fall in this age category...and all those things are a MUST HAVE in my future next relationship. LOL.

Justanotherschmuck Established Member

Justanotherschmuck

Posted
Posted
The problem is the disparity:

 

 

 

Rachel is a real girl. The list was taken from her website. Rachel is a typical young American woman. Keep in mind that she expects everything on the list simply because she has young and is a female.

  1. 5'8” and taller
  2. Dark brown hair with brown eyes/blue eyes
  3. Handsome
  4. Muscular
  5. Weight depending on height – not skinny, not fat
  6. Good sense of humor
  7. Dimples
  8. Cute laugh
  9. Sensitive
  10. *Affectionate* in front of friends
  11. Gives me lots of attention
  12. Outgoing
  13. Popular but doesn't know the whole state
  14. Friends with my friends
  15. Nice smile
  16. Straight teeth
  17. No facial or body hair (except legs n under arms)
  18. Pierced ear(s) if any
  19. Not too many tattoos if any
  20. Likes to cuddle
  21. Likes to party
  22. Takes me out
  23. Grabs my hand to hold
  24. Kisses me unexpectedly
  25. Dresses nice (*ABERCROMBIE*) hehe
  26. Has a good job
  27. Tells me he misses me when we're not together
  28. Makes me laugh
  29. Open minded
  30. Polite
  31. Holds doors for me
  32. Opens car doors
  33. *Romantic*
  34. Likes all type of music
  35. Likes going to the movies
  36. Talks to his friends about me
  37. Looks into my eyes when just laying there on the bed
  38. Gives massages without me having to ask
  39. Plays with my hair
  40. Calls me to just say hi
  41. Tries not to argue
  42. Apologizes for when he does wrong
  43. Says what he's feeling
  44. Has a car
  45. Has a dog
  46. Has a family that likes me
  47. Compliments me
  48. Is tan
  49. Doesn't curse all the time
  50. Wants to be with me as much as possible
  51. Comes over unexpectedly
  52. Wakes me up with a kiss
  53. Same age or 3 years at the most older than me
  54. *Trustworthy*
  55. Patient
  56. Likes to shop
  57. Has good manners
  58. Doesn't smoke
  59. Occasionally drinks
  60. Athletic
  61. Is on time for dates
  62. Calls back later when he says he will
  63. Lives close to me
  64. Wants to meet my family
  65. Treats me like a princess
  66. Has a cute butt
  67. Good kissable lips
  68. Good kisser
  69. Good memory
  70. Does special things for holidays/birthdays/anniversary/etc
  71. Intelligent
  72. Has direction
  73. Creative
  74. Likes everything about me
  75. Committed
  76. *My best friend*
  77. Respectful
  78. Mature
  79. Persistent – Hard working
  80. Likes walks on the beach
  81. Likes just staying home sometimes
  82. Writes me songs/poems
  83. Likes to dance
  84. Has a sexy voice
  85. Cooks for me
  86. Likes to show me off
  87. Calls me or introduces me as his "girlfriend" not "Rachel"
  88. Likes to take pictures
  89. Flirts with me in public and in private
  90. Puts up with my mood swings
  91. Comforts me when I'm sad
  92. Doesn't say “sorry” all the time when it's not needed
  93. Sticks up for me
  94. Likes animals
  95. Sends me flowers for no reason
  96. Ignores my imperfections
  97. Surprises me (good surprises)
  98. Doesn't ever yell at me
  99. Likes picnics
  100. Likes to clean
  101. First to say I Love You
  102. Listens to me
  103. Smells good
  104. *Doesn't lie*
  105. Likes kids
  106. Makes me the center of his world
  107. Not in trouble with the law
  108. Isn't a goody-goody
  109. Doesn't stare at other girls
  110. Doesn't talk to other girls more than me
  111. Doodles our names on paper
  112. Likes to draw
  113. Leaves notes on my car
  114. Let's me go out with him and his friends
  115. Will hang out with me and my friends
  116. Puts pictures of me in his car and wallet
  117. Gets jealous but not too jealous
  118. Dependable
  119. Doesn't hang up on me
  120. Calls me babe, sweetie, etc
  121. Calls me cute pet names
  122. Isn't conceited
  123. Isn't a penny-pincher
  124. Likes sports and going to sports events
  125. Likes to play board games/video games and lets me win
  126. Doesn't play mind games
  127. Doesn't just think about sex
  128. Cares about world issues
  129. Doesn't make me cry
  130. Leaves sweet voicemails/text messages on my phone
  131. Isn't shy
  132. Has hopes, dreams, and wishes
  133. Not opinionated
  134. Will watch chick flicks even if he doesn't like them
  135. Can spell

Here is a typical 28yo American woman's personals ad. Interestingly, the only things she says about herself is that she is lazy, bitchy, ugly, and does not like giving oral sex.

 

 

 

This is my ideal guy:

  1. He has talent I can respect. Either he is a great artist or a musician with his own style or otherwise great at some craft. His talent doesn't follow the herd.
  2. If he is not artistic than at least he enjoys the arts, music and books. If he has an interest in anything beyond mindless pop culture, video games and TV, that would be ideal. Not that any of that is too bad, but there is just so much more to life.
  3. He has goals, not dreams. He strategizes on how he can realize his goals in light of whatever life has handed him as his fate.
  4. He is an animal lover and has compassion for people.
  5. He is financially solvent. He doesn't spend money he doesn't have and doesn't try to buy a woman's affection. He plans his livestyle to be uncomplicated and has common sense in regards to what is a wise investment or not.
  6. He is not selfish and self-centered.
  7. He likes his mom and female siblings and is nice to them.
  8. He takes care of his emotional health as well as being conscious of his physical health.
  9. He lives to travel and be spontaneous.
  10. He is a one woman guy. He is not constantly searching for new ass. He's not an oral freak and wants to be with a girl who isn't into it either. He likes touching, kissing, giving and receiving massages. He knows where tha g-spot is.
  11. He likes an independent lady who has her own interests, goals, and ideas and is supportive of her reaching them, as opposed to competing with her or taking no interest.
  12. He wants to have a child. Not immediately, but he does see that in his future. He doesn't currently have any.
  13. He's never been told by a girlfriend that he needs professional psychological help. If he has, he has gotten it and its been at least 5 years since he's gotten better.
  14. He would rather do the right thing than try to get away with something.
  15. He was not raised catholic.
  16. He can cook and do his own laundry and doesn't expect his girlfriend to do it.
  17. He believes in karma.
  18. He listens to his inner voice and doesn't deny his real feelings. He can discuss issues and conflicts civily, even though a complete resolution may not come about.
  19. He is not looking for a super model, but a real, normal person.

In the end? Its all age related?

 

What I Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)

 

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially successful
  4. A caring listener
  5. Witty
  6. In good shape
  7. Dresses with style
  8. Appreciates finer things
  9. Full of thoughtful surprises
  10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

 

  1. Nice looking--prefer hair on his head
  2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
  3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
  4. Listens more than talks
  5. Laughs at my jokes
  6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
  7. Owns at least one tie
  8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
  9. Remembers anniversaries
  10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

 

  1. Not too ugly--bald head OK
  2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
  3. Works steady--splurges on dinner at Denny's on occasion
  4. Nods head when I'm talking
  5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
  10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

 

  1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
  2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
  3. Doesn't borrow money too often
  4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
  5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
  6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
  9. Remembers your name on occasion
  10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

 

  1. Doesn't scare small children
  2. Remembers where bathroom is
  3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
  4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
  5. Remembers why he's laughing
  6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  7. Usually wears some clothes
  8. Likes soft foods
  9. Remembers where he left his teeth
  10. Remembers that it is a weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

 

  1. Breathing

What men want (Any age)

 

1. Likes sex

2. Likes sex

3. Likes sex

4. Is female

5. Can still fog up a mirror and still has a pulse?

 

I remember that on Craigslist. ANd was amazed that this woman was sincere. If IT wasn't a hoax, people should stop trying to find the answer to why women file the majority of time. That list is amazing, and doomed before it starts.

lovestruck818 Established Member

lovestruck818

Posted
Posted
guys/girls think/communicate differently. I'm a great guy but my ex-fiancee left me.

 

here's some examples

F "wow, this looks like a good movie"

M "yup, sure does"

what she meant to say was "take me to this movie"... a female friend would have seen the underlying message.

 

F "you spend a lot of time on your hobby"

M "yup, i love this hobby, it really inspires me"

what she meant to say was "you don't spend enough time with me" she would have been better off telling the guy "can you please spend 1 hr of quality time with me a day doing XYZ"

 

I don't think it's a lack of women not putting themselves out there or being with guys that treat them bad (remember, this forum is full of emotion and some things may be blown bigger than they are) - I think it's just a communication/interpretation issue both in their relationships and M readers of F posts and F readers of M posts. Perspectives/logic/emotions are just different.

 

I'm indifferent to your scenarios above, but why does there have to be some underlying meaning behind what a woman is saying. There are times when I will say "that looks like a good movie" not b/c I want him or think he should take me, I honestly do think it looks good...and it is something I will be seeing...whether with him or not. There are women out there, like me, who are completely honest and are not going to say one thing and mean another or throw out subtlety like that.

lovestruck818 Established Member

lovestruck818

Posted
Posted
The problem is the disparity:

 

 

 

Rachel is a real girl. The list was taken from her website. Rachel is a typical young American woman. Keep in mind that she expects everything on the list simply because she has young and is a female.

  1. 5'8” and taller
  2. Dark brown hair with brown eyes/blue eyes
  3. Handsome
  4. Muscular
  5. Weight depending on height – not skinny, not fat
  6. Good sense of humor
  7. Dimples
  8. Cute laugh
  9. Sensitive
  10. *Affectionate* in front of friends
  11. Gives me lots of attention
  12. Outgoing
  13. Popular but doesn't know the whole state
  14. Friends with my friends
  15. Nice smile
  16. Straight teeth
  17. No facial or body hair (except legs n under arms)
  18. Pierced ear(s) if any
  19. Not too many tattoos if any
  20. Likes to cuddle
  21. Likes to party
  22. Takes me out
  23. Grabs my hand to hold
  24. Kisses me unexpectedly
  25. Dresses nice (*ABERCROMBIE*) hehe
  26. Has a good job
  27. Tells me he misses me when we're not together
  28. Makes me laugh
  29. Open minded
  30. Polite
  31. Holds doors for me
  32. Opens car doors
  33. *Romantic*
  34. Likes all type of music
  35. Likes going to the movies
  36. Talks to his friends about me
  37. Looks into my eyes when just laying there on the bed
  38. Gives massages without me having to ask
  39. Plays with my hair
  40. Calls me to just say hi
  41. Tries not to argue
  42. Apologizes for when he does wrong
  43. Says what he's feeling
  44. Has a car
  45. Has a dog
  46. Has a family that likes me
  47. Compliments me
  48. Is tan
  49. Doesn't curse all the time
  50. Wants to be with me as much as possible
  51. Comes over unexpectedly
  52. Wakes me up with a kiss
  53. Same age or 3 years at the most older than me
  54. *Trustworthy*
  55. Patient
  56. Likes to shop
  57. Has good manners
  58. Doesn't smoke
  59. Occasionally drinks
  60. Athletic
  61. Is on time for dates
  62. Calls back later when he says he will
  63. Lives close to me
  64. Wants to meet my family
  65. Treats me like a princess
  66. Has a cute butt
  67. Good kissable lips
  68. Good kisser
  69. Good memory
  70. Does special things for holidays/birthdays/anniversary/etc
  71. Intelligent
  72. Has direction
  73. Creative
  74. Likes everything about me
  75. Committed
  76. *My best friend*
  77. Respectful
  78. Mature
  79. Persistent – Hard working
  80. Likes walks on the beach
  81. Likes just staying home sometimes
  82. Writes me songs/poems
  83. Likes to dance
  84. Has a sexy voice
  85. Cooks for me
  86. Likes to show me off
  87. Calls me or introduces me as his "girlfriend" not "Rachel"
  88. Likes to take pictures
  89. Flirts with me in public and in private
  90. Puts up with my mood swings
  91. Comforts me when I'm sad
  92. Doesn't say “sorry” all the time when it's not needed
  93. Sticks up for me
  94. Likes animals
  95. Sends me flowers for no reason
  96. Ignores my imperfections
  97. Surprises me (good surprises)
  98. Doesn't ever yell at me
  99. Likes picnics
  100. Likes to clean
  101. First to say I Love You
  102. Listens to me
  103. Smells good
  104. *Doesn't lie*
  105. Likes kids
  106. Makes me the center of his world
  107. Not in trouble with the law
  108. Isn't a goody-goody
  109. Doesn't stare at other girls
  110. Doesn't talk to other girls more than me
  111. Doodles our names on paper
  112. Likes to draw
  113. Leaves notes on my car
  114. Let's me go out with him and his friends
  115. Will hang out with me and my friends
  116. Puts pictures of me in his car and wallet
  117. Gets jealous but not too jealous
  118. Dependable
  119. Doesn't hang up on me
  120. Calls me babe, sweetie, etc
  121. Calls me cute pet names
  122. Isn't conceited
  123. Isn't a penny-pincher
  124. Likes sports and going to sports events
  125. Likes to play board games/video games and lets me win
  126. Doesn't play mind games
  127. Doesn't just think about sex
  128. Cares about world issues
  129. Doesn't make me cry
  130. Leaves sweet voicemails/text messages on my phone
  131. Isn't shy
  132. Has hopes, dreams, and wishes
  133. Not opinionated
  134. Will watch chick flicks even if he doesn't like them
  135. Can spell

Here is a typical 28yo American woman's personals ad. Interestingly, the only things she says about herself is that she is lazy, bitchy, ugly, and does not like giving oral sex.

 

 

 

This is my ideal guy:

  1. He has talent I can respect. Either he is a great artist or a musician with his own style or otherwise great at some craft. His talent doesn't follow the herd.
  2. If he is not artistic than at least he enjoys the arts, music and books. If he has an interest in anything beyond mindless pop culture, video games and TV, that would be ideal. Not that any of that is too bad, but there is just so much more to life.
  3. He has goals, not dreams. He strategizes on how he can realize his goals in light of whatever life has handed him as his fate.
  4. He is an animal lover and has compassion for people.
  5. He is financially solvent. He doesn't spend money he doesn't have and doesn't try to buy a woman's affection. He plans his livestyle to be uncomplicated and has common sense in regards to what is a wise investment or not.
  6. He is not selfish and self-centered.
  7. He likes his mom and female siblings and is nice to them.
  8. He takes care of his emotional health as well as being conscious of his physical health.
  9. He lives to travel and be spontaneous.
  10. He is a one woman guy. He is not constantly searching for new ass. He's not an oral freak and wants to be with a girl who isn't into it either. He likes touching, kissing, giving and receiving massages. He knows where tha g-spot is.
  11. He likes an independent lady who has her own interests, goals, and ideas and is supportive of her reaching them, as opposed to competing with her or taking no interest.
  12. He wants to have a child. Not immediately, but he does see that in his future. He doesn't currently have any.
  13. He's never been told by a girlfriend that he needs professional psychological help. If he has, he has gotten it and its been at least 5 years since he's gotten better.
  14. He would rather do the right thing than try to get away with something.
  15. He was not raised catholic.
  16. He can cook and do his own laundry and doesn't expect his girlfriend to do it.
  17. He believes in karma.
  18. He listens to his inner voice and doesn't deny his real feelings. He can discuss issues and conflicts civily, even though a complete resolution may not come about.
  19. He is not looking for a super model, but a real, normal person.

In the end? Its all age related?

 

What I Want in a Man, Original List (age 22)

 

  1. Handsome
  2. Charming
  3. Financially successful
  4. A caring listener
  5. Witty
  6. In good shape
  7. Dresses with style
  8. Appreciates finer things
  9. Full of thoughtful surprises
  10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

 

  1. Nice looking--prefer hair on his head
  2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
  3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
  4. Listens more than talks
  5. Laughs at my jokes
  6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
  7. Owns at least one tie
  8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
  9. Remembers anniversaries
  10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

 

  1. Not too ugly--bald head OK
  2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
  3. Works steady--splurges on dinner at Denny's on occasion
  4. Nods head when I'm talking
  5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
  6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
  7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
  8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
  9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
  10. Shaves on most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

 

  1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
  2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
  3. Doesn't borrow money too often
  4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
  5. Doesn't re-tell same joke too many times
  6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
  7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
  8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
  9. Remembers your name on occasion
  10. Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

 

  1. Doesn't scare small children
  2. Remembers where bathroom is
  3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
  4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
  5. Remembers why he's laughing
  6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
  7. Usually wears some clothes
  8. Likes soft foods
  9. Remembers where he left his teeth
  10. Remembers that it is a weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

 

  1. Breathing

What men want (Any age)

 

1. Likes sex

2. Likes sex

3. Likes sex

4. Is female

5. Can still fog up a mirror and still has a pulse?

 

The 72 one was funny...otherwise, most of these things are pretty ridiculous.

Excellent Established Member

Excellent

Posted
Posted

Haha, that list made me laugh atleast. But i guess it is a age-thing. I'm only 24, but it seems that women at my age has WAY to many expectations, and the ones that doesn't aren't out there. Because they think men think like that too. That or they think men are just animalistic brutes that only think about one thing: getting between their legs. I would guess that actually goes for the majority.

 

Very unfair. And i have always wondered why women can't see us, the "good guys" if you will. I have come to the point that i have given up now. I just don't care anymore. If i bump into someone on the way of not caring, it happens. If i doesn't, it doesn't. It's their loss. Sounds cocky, i know, but it is true.

 

Sigh..

porter218 Established Member

porter218

Posted
Posted

Just thought this needs to be stated... I have known many men who think that they are "good guys", but I didn't agree with this opinion of themselves. Honestly a good majority of men think that they are a good guy, but it is really a small minority that truly falls into that category. Any man can seem like a good guy while single, it is when they get into a relationship that there faults are more obvious.

chrissreef Established Member

chrissreef

Posted
Posted
Any man can seem like a good guy while single, it is when they get into a relationship that there faults are more obvious.

 

 

THEIR faults? hehehe

clv0116 Established Member

clv0116

Posted
Posted
.... why does there have to be some underlying meaning behind what a woman is saying. There are times when I will say "that looks like a good movie" not b/c I want him or think he should take me, I honestly do think it looks good

 

Implying that there are other times when you DO mean he should take you ... and we men have to figure it out? Fabulous.

Justanotherschmuck Established Member

Justanotherschmuck

Posted
Posted

And where is it written that someone CAN'T have faults and STILL be a good guy.

 

Perfect example of the above list.

  • Author
teachrmn Member

teachrmn

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks everyone for their input on this topic. I just get frustrated sometimes with being single and hearing about so many women out there in bad relationships. But I had a realization over the weekend help me to decide that I am not going to waste my energy and time worrying about being with someone. I am going to live my life and continue to do the things that I love to do. I guess this is the best way to meet someone right? The law of attraction says to give out positive vibes. And how do you do that? Love and live life! Thats my new philosophy. I don't care anymore about my height, my hearing impairment or whatever imperfections I may have. I am in good shape, I have a great career, I'm a good warm guy and what else? Oh I have good friends and family.

One of my friends told me once "you know Michael, sometimes you need to have a I don't give a f*ck attitude about certain things in life". I thought this was sort of harsh, but now the more I look at, the more I belief he is right. If women or people in general can't accept me for who I am, well then that's their loss right? Am I being conceited? No just honest, because frankly if you let people get the best of you, then you will be miserable. Thank you for all your inputs, thank you NC outdoors group for bringing me to the outdoor life, and thanks to all of my good friends and warm people who help me to keep things in perspective so that I can sometimes say "f*ck it" ~

 

:p

 

Michael

porter218 Established Member

porter218

Posted
Posted
THEIR faults? hehehe

lol...oops. I was writing fast. ( or "righting fast" if we want to stick to bad grammar:p)

porter218 Established Member

porter218

Posted
Posted
"you know Michael, sometimes you need to have a I don't give a f*ck attitude about certain things in life".

In a way, this statement is very true. Women are attracted to men who seem already happy with their lives. If a man acts like he is very lonely then usually that will turn women off. This is all really generalized, but for the most part true. If you truly enjoy your own company, then another is more likely to enjoy it too.

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