rdhdscorp Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 This whole thing is new to me but thought maybe outside advice might help. Short story: I've been with my boy for 3 years, living together for one. We talk about marriage and he knows that I want to be engaged by our fourth annivarsary. I'm turning 30 this year and ready for a family. He is only 25 so he is still young but reassures me all the time that he wants to marry. He has called me the "wife" all the time and told me that if he had the money he'd buy me a ring right now. However, when he told me he wanted to go to the courthouse and get married right now and i called his bluff he freaked. Am I wasting my time? Am I being too hard on him? I know he is the one for me but I don't want to be waiting years for him to finally be ready. If he isn't ready by now, when will he be? What should I do?
Beautiful Inside Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 first off hold up! let him be the one to ask you on his own time and if your feeling that its never going to happen or not anytime soon to your standards then leave do something about it. other then that dont ever try and pressure him into marriage, or like make him think that if he doesn't ask you your going to leave him etc....you guys really need to sit down and talk about your expectations where your both at etc... but everyone is different to me i feel like if a man wants to marry you and has no money he will still ask you in a heartbeat and know that his gf doesn't give a **** that he doesn't have no money they don't need to big wedding you know the propsal use to be about the surprise of the guy popping the question and now its like all i hear from my friends and co workers etc the girls are always bitching that their bf's don't want to get married its like do something about it then seriously i wouldn't want to be with someone who had no intentions of not getting married but if you really feel he's never going to ask even though he says he is then thats when you need to really think im almost 30 this is the best time to get married in my life what the hell is going on and what can i do about this situation....
lostsunsets Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 You have to sit down and have a serious talk about it. Don't dance around it. But if you do you had better be ready to accept or move on, if he doesn't want to . My wife is 4.5 years older then me and we have been married for 29 years next week (I pretty much post that info everywhere). Ask him a couple of questions. 1. Can you think of any other person in the world that loves you more then me? 2. Can you think of any other person in the world that you love more then me? If the answer is no. Then why not plan a date? You have to talk to him. Or you will get bitter about it. There was one girl on here that had waited for 6 years to get engaged. She was really bitter. So naturally after he asked and she accepted, 2 weeks later she had a ONS with a friend of hers. Told her fiance. And now they are back to where they were. No engagement, no marriage. She was bitter that it took him so long. So please. You have to take care of this or adjust your expectations.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 If the answer is no. Then why not plan a date? Because if he (rather than the OP) wanted to plan a date, they'd be at the jewelers right now, picking out rings. rdhdscorp, I doubt that you've been shy about your intentions. Unless you want to guilt him into doing something against his will (assuming that's even possible), you have two choices: - Wait for him to ask you on his own schedule - Find someone whose timeline is more aligned with your own Anything else will have unwanted long-term consequences. I hope it works out for you... Mr. Lucky
NoIDidn't Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 What's wrong with you asking him to marry you? Then you'll get your answer. I don't think he's ready for marriage if you called his bluff. That should have told you something right there. I find that couples that live together before they get married rarely ever make it to the altar, though.
trubella Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 He is only 25... still a kid. i hate when ppl use age as the defining factor as to what a person is and isnt ready for.. im 25 and planning to wed early next year.. it isnt the age that determines things, its the person. more than likely he just isnt ready and is comfortable with the perks of just living together. i personally think if he really wanted to marry you it wouldnt take year after year for them to finally ask, if a guy really wants to marry you he will.. there would be no hesitation...
trubella Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Sorry you hate statistical facts. I agree there are exceptions to the rule. I was 20 and married for 20+ years before the person I married decided to wiggle his penis in someone else's wife. There will always be exceptions, but the majority of the people n this age group(particularly men) aren't ready to marry. yeah and nearly 50% of couples end up in divorce court should we tell the OP shes better off just shacking up with him for the rest of his life? i dont live my life in fear of stats and yes your right there are exceptions to the rule i can think of 5 men in my life who are in their 20s and married right now(my fiance is 27) i dont think age was a factor for them, it definitely isnt for me.. i personally think its more about the person and what theyre ready for, JMO
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