turnshyness Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 This girl I'm dating, she had a cold so I suprised her and went to her place and cooked her soup. As the night goes, we cuddled up and just started making out. It got heavy but the previous talk we had, before I went to her place - she mentioned about her past how she made mistakes w/ guys etc. So bascially she has some hang-ups. Anyways, I recognized that and had to keep that in mind. It wasnt really my intention to move to 2nd base and before I moved to 2nd base, I asked her if it's ok then I said to her I wouldnt want to do anything that would ruin what we have. Then she said "Ok. I guess". So I moved in for 2nd base and we just started to make out more. Well today, we had a little talk on how she didnt really want what happened last night. All she wanted was to cuddle up with me and that was it - so she just had to go with the flow..then she also cites how maybe it's more on me not you...I think we need to slow down coz we're doing things too quick. I told her that's fine. We'll take things slow. So I apologized to her for making a move but then she also recognized how I was making an effort asking her if it's okay for me to make a move. She said she'll need time to think. I told her to give me a call when she's ready to talk. I also told her that to pls give me a chance...give me a chance to fight her battles w/ her. I really like this girl and I want our relationship to work out. Any advice? Thanks in advance!
wuggle Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Buy some lemsips, a hot water bottle and a small teddy bear. That's might show her your interested in her well-being rather than just wanting to 'jump' her while she is ill :rolleyes:
Beautiful Inside Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 wow very interesting....the fact that theres other girls out there like me! i thought i was the last of them! lol naw but check this out shes a descent good girl whose afraid of getting hurt, putting her emotional trust into someone right away and the feeling of betrayal and disappointment i can so understand her. when i first got with my bf he had such a badddd rep every girl knew him and had to get with him....ive always heard about him from all the girls and i always said ewww id never!!! lol i really stuck my foot in my mouth right lol any who i think what intrigues him the most about me is we'd hang out and id never even kiss him we'd all be partying getting smashed wasted till i couldn't walk right lol and he'd try and make his moves that he's so use to getting laid right away im sure and i would be like nope i dont want to... i think he was deff taken back by me being like this so the first couple of times we kicked it id invite him over to watch movies and stuff and still wouldn't hook up with him like kiss or anything....i made him wait for a while like 2 weeks of hanging out everyday till we kissed and sex like over a month but he was so shocked of how hard he had to work for me it was so funny cause he's never ever had any girl ever turn him down and i could see ho shocked he really was with me ....my point is ive had guys where i really wanted to put my trust into them right away and we hooked up and then of course i was alll head over hells for them and they were like nope just wanna be friends and hook up buddies and maybe thats what this girl is scared of or the relationship not leading anywhere you know.... just trust me keep in contact with her be her friend and in no time she will adore you in ever way a good gf could adore her man....listen to her ask her all kinds of questions and really listen and respond and go over and just watch movies without trying anything even thought it'll be so hard i know its so tempting but fight it!!!! and i promise soon before you know it once she feels 100 percent safe with you, you then will have her in your life forever.
yongyong Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 seems like she is the type of a girl who would scratch your back, scream loud, ask you to choke her while having sex and would say 'I feel guilty' next morning.
Author turnshyness Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I'm actually trying to reach out to her and keep telling her to give me a chance to fight her battles with her. This isnt just her fight but it's my fight as well. It's quite frustrating that I have to pay for other guy's mistakes..for breaking her when I'm such a genuine guy with good intentions.. Hopefully she gives me a chance to trust me and that I'm really here to take care of her and not to tear her up. wow very interesting....the fact that theres other girls out there like me! i thought i was the last of them! lol naw but check this out shes a descent good girl whose afraid of getting hurt, putting her emotional trust into someone right away and the feeling of betrayal and disappointment i can so understand her. when i first got with my bf he had such a badddd rep every girl knew him and had to get with him....ive always heard about him from all the girls and i always said ewww id never!!! lol i really stuck my foot in my mouth right lol any who i think what intrigues him the most about me is we'd hang out and id never even kiss him we'd all be partying getting smashed wasted till i couldn't walk right lol and he'd try and make his moves that he's so use to getting laid right away im sure and i would be like nope i dont want to... i think he was deff taken back by me being like this so the first couple of times we kicked it id invite him over to watch movies and stuff and still wouldn't hook up with him like kiss or anything....i made him wait for a while like 2 weeks of hanging out everyday till we kissed and sex like over a month but he was so shocked of how hard he had to work for me it was so funny cause he's never ever had any girl ever turn him down and i could see ho shocked he really was with me ....my point is ive had guys where i really wanted to put my trust into them right away and we hooked up and then of course i was alll head over hells for them and they were like nope just wanna be friends and hook up buddies and maybe thats what this girl is scared of or the relationship not leading anywhere you know.... just trust me keep in contact with her be her friend and in no time she will adore you in ever way a good gf could adore her man....listen to her ask her all kinds of questions and really listen and respond and go over and just watch movies without trying anything even thought it'll be so hard i know its so tempting but fight it!!!! and i promise soon before you know it once she feels 100 percent safe with you, you then will have her in your life forever.
Author turnshyness Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 Beautiful Inside - follow up question. How do I make sure that I'm not forcing myself upon her and how do I make sure I'm not moving too fast or too slow? I really want for things to work out w/ her. Thanks again! wow very interesting....the fact that theres other girls out there like me! i thought i was the last of them! lol naw but check this out shes a descent good girl whose afraid of getting hurt, putting her emotional trust into someone right away and the feeling of betrayal and disappointment i can so understand her. when i first got with my bf he had such a badddd rep every girl knew him and had to get with him....ive always heard about him from all the girls and i always said ewww id never!!! lol i really stuck my foot in my mouth right lol any who i think what intrigues him the most about me is we'd hang out and id never even kiss him we'd all be partying getting smashed wasted till i couldn't walk right lol and he'd try and make his moves that he's so use to getting laid right away im sure and i would be like nope i dont want to... i think he was deff taken back by me being like this so the first couple of times we kicked it id invite him over to watch movies and stuff and still wouldn't hook up with him like kiss or anything....i made him wait for a while like 2 weeks of hanging out everyday till we kissed and sex like over a month but he was so shocked of how hard he had to work for me it was so funny cause he's never ever had any girl ever turn him down and i could see ho shocked he really was with me ....my point is ive had guys where i really wanted to put my trust into them right away and we hooked up and then of course i was alll head over hells for them and they were like nope just wanna be friends and hook up buddies and maybe thats what this girl is scared of or the relationship not leading anywhere you know.... just trust me keep in contact with her be her friend and in no time she will adore you in ever way a good gf could adore her man....listen to her ask her all kinds of questions and really listen and respond and go over and just watch movies without trying anything even thought it'll be so hard i know its so tempting but fight it!!!! and i promise soon before you know it once she feels 100 percent safe with you, you then will have her in your life forever.
Tony T Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 This girl I'm dating, she had a cold so I suprised her and went to her place and cooked her soup. As the night goes, we cuddled up and just started making out. It got heavy but the previous talk we had, before I went to her place - she mentioned about her past how she made mistakes w/ guys etc. So bascially she has some hang-ups. I really like this girl and I want our relationship to work out. Any advice? Thanks in advance! GEEZE...the gal is so sick you've got to go over to her place and cook her soup...and you wonder why she doesn't want to screw??????? YOU are the one with hang ups. When somebody doesn't feel well....that's not the time to be going for the prize. Are you feeling OK??? Do you want to take back your questions??? I'm sure glad it was only a cold and not appendicitis. I can't imagine in my wildest imagination my own self trying to bed a lady who was sick. That's just sick, IMHO!!!
Je suis étudiant. Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Dude, everyone has hang-ups. Yay to her for recognising them and yay for you putting up with them but there's only so much you can take of someone playing the victim card. You are not those other men. She needs to get over it or lose you in the process.
Tony T Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Beautiful Inside - follow up question. How do I make sure that I'm not forcing myself upon her and how do I make sure I'm not moving too fast or too slow? I really want for things to work out w/ her. First take her pulse and temperature. Then ask her how she feels. Then wait a few days until she has gotten better from her illness before making further moves. I'm sorry, but isn't this just common sense?
Je suis étudiant. Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 GEEZE...the gal is so sick you've got to go over to her place and cook her soup...and you wonder why she doesn't want to screw??????? YOU are the one with hang ups. When somebody doesn't feel well....that's not the time to be going for the prize. Are you feeling OK??? Do you want to take back your questions??? I'm sure glad it was only a cold and not appendicitis. I can't imagine in my wildest imagination my own self trying to bed a lady who was sick. That's just sick, IMHO!!! We have a live one folks! Where in his post did he say he wanted to screw her? I believe he genuinely wanted to just take care of her but from experience, in case you've never been around another human being in your life, cuddling, even when sick, most often leads to some kissing.
Author turnshyness Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 THANK YOU! It was never my intention to screw with her! I've learned my lesson from previous girls I've dated that's why I never had that intention to screw her because I actually want a relationship w/ her to work out...that's why before making a move, I even asked her just to make sure I'm respecting her bounderies and I dont cross any line! That's how I geniunely care for her and respect her! We have a live one folks! Where in his post did he say he wanted to screw her? I believe he genuinely wanted to just take care of her but from experience, in case you've never been around another human being in your life, cuddling, even when sick, most often leads to some kissing.
Author turnshyness Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 Good point. There's a side of me that wants to just let her go but then there's a side of me that wants to try some more. At least, I'll be able to say to myself that I was able to give it a shot and put up w/ it? I think dating this girl just made me realize more how great catch I am and tbh - I kinda want to confront her and just say to her that how she's treating me is so unfair because I end up carrying the burden of other guys who broke her but I guess I'm also trying to prove to her that I'm here to fight her battles on her side? Oh I dont know I'm confused. Dude, everyone has hang-ups. Yay to her for recognising them and yay for you putting up with them but there's only so much you can take of someone playing the victim card. You are not those other men. She needs to get over it or lose you in the process.
Tony T Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 We have a live one folks! Where in his post did he say he wanted to screw her? He very clearly said he wanted to move through the bases...he asked her to go to base two. It is very clear that he's wondering why she was turned off by his advances when he came over to cook soup when she was sick. First, when a guy starts talking about bases sex becomes the home run. Second, it simply isn't right to be moving through the bases when a lady is sick. I'm so sorry but I am from a generation that had consideration. Her feelings and health don't seem to be a consideration for others posting in this thread so I am assuming that we are moving through to future generations who might even consider seducing a woman on her death bed. Please forgive me for posting here. I've got to go find an old people's thread.
era Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I've got to go find an old people's thread. Get in line
wuggle Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I think dating this girl just made me realize more how great catch I am A great catch would NOT be solely concerned with getting his leg over someone when they are sick. Grow up, show some consideration for someone other than yourself, then you might be a good catch. Till then use your right hand for it's proper job instead of posting on here for advice and validation. ps, Tony, don't think it is a generational thing, just an ar**hole thing. My nephew of 20 has a lot more manners than this guy, there is still hope.
Je suis étudiant. Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 This girl I'm dating, she had a cold so I suprised her and went to her place and cooked her soup. As the night goes, we cuddled up and just started making out. It got heavy but the previous talk we had, before I went to her place - she mentioned about her past how she made mistakes w/ guys etc. So bascially she has some hang-ups. Anyways, I recognized that and had to keep that in mind. It wasnt really my intention to move to 2nd base and before I moved to 2nd base, I asked her if it's ok then I said to her I wouldnt want to do anything that would ruin what we have. Then she said "Ok. I guess". So I moved in for 2nd base and we just started to make out more. Well today, we had a little talk on how she didnt really want what happened last night. All she wanted was to cuddle up with me and that was it - so she just had to go with the flow..then she also cites how maybe it's more on me not you...I think we need to slow down coz we're doing things too quick. I told her that's fine. We'll take things slow. So I apologized to her for making a move but then she also recognized how I was making an effort asking her if it's okay for me to make a move. She said she'll need time to think. I told her to give me a call when she's ready to talk. I also told her that to pls give me a chance...give me a chance to fight her battles w/ her. I really like this girl and I want our relationship to work out. Any advice? Thanks in advance! Tony T, did you even read this post? Where in it does he implicitly or explicitly mention he wanted to move beyond second base THAT NIGHT? I even bolded the part to help you out.
39388 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 This girl I'm dating, she had a cold so I suprised her and went to her place and cooked her soup. As the night goes, we cuddled up and just started making out. It got heavy but the previous talk we had, before I went to her place - she mentioned about her past how she made mistakes w/ guys etc. So bascially she has some hang-ups. Anyways, I recognized that and had to keep that in mind. It wasnt really my intention to move to 2nd base and before I moved to 2nd base, I asked her if it's ok then I said to her I wouldnt want to do anything that would ruin what we have. Then she said "Ok. I guess". So I moved in for 2nd base and we just started to make out more. Well today, we had a little talk on how she didnt really want what happened last night. All she wanted was to cuddle up with me and that was it - so she just had to go with the flow..then she also cites how maybe it's more on me not you...I think we need to slow down coz we're doing things too quick. I told her that's fine. We'll take things slow. So I apologized to her for making a move but then she also recognized how I was making an effort asking her if it's okay for me to make a move. She said she'll need time to think. I told her to give me a call when she's ready to talk. I also told her that to pls give me a chance...give me a chance to fight her battles w/ her. I really like this girl and I want our relationship to work out. Any advice? Thanks in advance! On the one hand, as some have said not a good idea to do much of anything physical when someone is sick and "Ok, I guess" sounds like she was not at all excited about it. A "No" or "later because I'm sick" or something from her would have been a much easier sign to read. What she said was confusing, but next time I'd take it as a "Not now". The previous hangups thing scares me too. To me, it is unacceptable if she projects anger from others onto you. If this is something that she repeatedly does, you might be the one that doesn't want her. Communication should be there on both sides! You want to have a good talk with her. Don't come off as begging to be with her though. I'd think you would want to know one way or the other before too long on where things stand (days or maybe a week rather than weeks). Being relatively inexperienced is hard, but you are gaining experience now and as you learn things will get easier. Good luck and don't let the nasty comments from some on some on here bother you. Some of them might not have read your previous threads. I know from your previous threads you want to do the right thing.
39388 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 GEEZE...the gal is so sick you've got to go over to her place and cook her soup...and you wonder why she doesn't want to screw??????? YOU are the one with hang ups. When somebody doesn't feel well....that's not the time to be going for the prize. Are you feeling OK??? Do you want to take back your questions??? Yes, he should have known not to ask to get closer physically, but she should have said "No" or "Not now". Your comment way very rude. Buy some lemsips, a hot water bottle and a small teddy bear. That's might show her your interested in her well-being rather than just wanting to 'jump' her while she is ill :rolleyes: Good advice, minus using the word 'jump' and the unnecessary eyerolls. A great catch would NOT be solely concerned with getting his leg over someone when they are sick. Grow up, show some consideration for someone other than yourself, then you might be a good catch. Till then use your right hand for it's proper job instead of posting on here for advice and validation. ps, Tony, don't think it is a generational thing, just an ar**hole thing. My nephew of 20 has a lot more manners than this guy, there is still hope. The OP is trying to do the right thing and has made some mistakes. The women he has dated have also made some mistakes. Nobody is perfect and some people miss things that might be obvious to others sometimes. Why be so nasty? If anything is immature, it is how rude some are towards the OP.
lovestruck818 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 This girl I'm dating, she had a cold so I suprised her and went to her place and cooked her soup. As the night goes, we cuddled up and just started making out. It got heavy but the previous talk we had, before I went to her place - she mentioned about her past how she made mistakes w/ guys etc. So bascially she has some hang-ups. Anyways, I recognized that and had to keep that in mind. It wasnt really my intention to move to 2nd base and before I moved to 2nd base, I asked her if it's ok then I said to her I wouldnt want to do anything that would ruin what we have. Then she said "Ok. I guess". So I moved in for 2nd base and we just started to make out more. Well today, we had a little talk on how she didnt really want what happened last night. All she wanted was to cuddle up with me and that was it - so she just had to go with the flow..then she also cites how maybe it's more on me not you...I think we need to slow down coz we're doing things too quick. I told her that's fine. We'll take things slow. So I apologized to her for making a move but then she also recognized how I was making an effort asking her if it's okay for me to make a move. She said she'll need time to think. I told her to give me a call when she's ready to talk. I also told her that to pls give me a chance...give me a chance to fight her battles w/ her. I really like this girl and I want our relationship to work out. Any advice? Thanks in advance! This is me to a tee. Honestly, though...a lot of people have hang ups. I don't think there is something called "the perfect relationship." It doesn't exist.
Island Girl Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 It wasnt really my intention to move to 2nd base and before I moved to 2nd base, I asked her if it's ok then I said to her I wouldnt want to do anything that would ruin what we have. Then she said "Ok. I guess". So I moved in for 2nd base and we just started to make out more. If it wasn't your intention then why did you even ask? Oh yeah because you wanted to. Then she gives you a lukewarm go ahead -- and you do. Was that also because it wasn't your intention? Give me a break. You wanted to do exactly what you did. And I am with Tony T and wuggles here. If I am feeling terrible because of illness (no matter what the illness) then the LAST thing I'd want is a make out session. I already would be feeling gross and then to have some insensitive jerk making moves would just make it that much worse. "Pardon me? May I have some of your phlegm?" And I would also feel like I was just a piece of a$$ to this guy who is trying desperately to make the moves he can while I feel awful. If I really liked the guy I would probably try to back it off nicely. But c'mon guy! How do YOU feel when you are sick? Don't you just want to moan and groan in your bed and have someone care for you?!! And how would you feel when they want to get up close and personal? Sheesh
39388 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 And I am with Tony T and wuggles here. If I am feeling terrible because of illness (no matter what the illness) then the LAST thing I'd want is a make out session. But c'mon guy! How do YOU feel when you are sick? Don't you just want to moan and groan in your bed and have someone care for you?!! And how would you feel when they want to get up close and personal? Sheesh Then why send a mixed message? Some people have a lot of dating experience. Some like the OP (and I have less) do not. Everyone on here seems to agree that it was not a good idea to do what he did, but the woman giving a mixed message sure doesn't help. This is what scares the he** out of me with dating, that I'll misinterpret a mixed message like the OP did as I'm not good at reading people. I also have a problem with destructive criticism. Now if she said "No" and did what he did, that would be really really over the top awful and would deserve outrage. That's not what happened.
blondesmiler Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 She was ill, he knew that before he went over, so that is a no in itself unless girl then states otherwise.
confused_2008 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Then why send a mixed message? Some people have a lot of dating experience. Some like the OP (and I have less) do not. Everyone on here seems to agree that it was not a good idea to do what he did, but the woman giving a mixed message sure doesn't help. This is what scares the he** out of me with dating, that I'll misinterpret a mixed message like the OP did as I'm not good at reading people. I also have a problem with destructive criticism. Now if she said "No" and did what he did, that would be really really over the top awful and would deserve outrage. That's not what happened. I don't have a lot of dating experience either, but this one's just kind of common sense 39388. Would you want to be felt up when you were sick? Why she said it would be okay, we'll never know, but he really shouldn't have asked in the first place.
39388 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 She was ill, he knew that before he went over, so that is a no in itself unless girl then states otherwise. Then why say "Ok. I guess"? Yes, he should have known better and the mistake might cost him the relationship. I still don't get why she would say something so confusing. Now, if someone kept asking until he got the answer he wanted be very in the wrong. Threads like this make me (and many other shy people) very relauctant to want to date. I would have gotten this situation right, but there are so many other situations that I might have screwed up in some way and not have even known it. Many tend to be too passive, are told to be more agressive and something like this sometimes happens. It is why you see many people waiting many dates before a kiss or even touching (and losing the woman before it happens).
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