Knight_Ctrl Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I sort of brought this up in another thread but still need more opinions on this. My sisters graduation is coming up soon and both my ex and my friend that she left me for are graduating with her. My sister and my ex AND this other guy are also sort of friends and their likely to show up at her graduation party. I don't know what to do guys, seeing my ex will kill me and seeing my bastard friend is going to make me want to kick his ass. I was told to just play it cool and that'll show em and whatnot but honestly I feel like I don't want to put myself through that. Should I just disappear for the day? I'd feel bad for bailing on my sister but shes going to have plenty of other people there. I don't know what to do....
BCCA Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Dude, you just cant go. Your sister should understand. I had to bail on xmas at my parents house last year for sort of the same reason. My ex's parents live a few doors down, and I wasnt interested in seeing her at all. You cant go, thats all there is to it. This crap about pretending that you dont care and all that is just someone trying to talk you into going. It would be an aweful idea, and like I said, your sister should definitely understand. Youll take her out for lunch the next day, or call her, but just say you cant come.
Juno Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 There are hardly any cases that I would say it's OK to place yourself in the presence of your ex, but I have to say this maybe an exception. How many graduation parties will your sister have in her lifetime? You indicated that you ex and former best friend will LIKELY be there. That does not sound definate. They are probably thinking like you and might bail as well. I say, just for this one day, try to control your emotions and be there for your sister to help her celebrate her accomplishment. Don't let your ex overshadow all the important events in your and your family's lives.
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 There are hardly any cases that I would say it's OK to place yourself in the presence of your ex, but I have to say this maybe an exception. How many graduation parties will your sister have in her lifetime? You indicated that you ex and former best friend will LIKELY be there. That does not sound definate. They are probably thinking like you and might bail as well. I say, just for this one day, try to control your emotions and be there for your sister to help her celebrate her accomplishment. Don't let your ex overshadow all the important events in your and your family's lives. I had just talked to my sister about it and she confirmed that they will be there......I really don't think I can do this. Its going to be bad enough going to the graduation itself.
BCCA Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 There are hardly any cases that I would say it's OK to place yourself in the presence of your ex, but I have to say this maybe an exception. How many graduation parties will your sister have in her lifetime? You indicated that you ex and former best friend will LIKELY be there. That does not sound definate. They are probably thinking like you and might bail as well. I say, just for this one day, try to control your emotions and be there for your sister to help her celebrate her accomplishment. Don't let your ex overshadow all the important events in your and your family's lives. You make a good point, but the ex/new guy are also graduating, and will DEFINITELY be there for that. The fact that your sister would even invite them to her own party, all things considered, is kind of a wonder to me. She cant really expect you to want to be hanging around them at a party. Yeah, thats what anyone wants to see, their ex who broke their heart and her new man all over eachother, and leaving together. Again, your sister should understand. How big of a deal is it really to actually be at the graduation? My brothers couldnt make mine, I understood. You can always call and take her out another day, but I dont see how anyone could hold it against you if you bailed.
lostsunsets Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Where is the party at? Also, I think your sister should take your feelings into consideration here. Did they cheat on you behind your back?
Juno Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 You make a good point, but the ex/new guy are also graduating, and will DEFINITELY be there for that. The fact that your sister would even invite them to her own party, all things considered, is kind of a wonder to me. She cant really expect you to want to be hanging around them at a party. Yeah, thats what anyone wants to see, their ex who broke their heart and her new man all over eachother, and leaving together. Again, your sister should understand. How big of a deal is it really to actually be at the graduation? My brothers couldnt make mine, I understood. You can always call and take her out another day, but I dont see how anyone could hold it against you if you bailed. See...my point exactly. You are giving your ex the power to make you adjust your life because of her. Not showing up will indicate to her that you are obviously still hurting and still have emotions/feelings for her and unable to deal. Your absence would be duly noted as such and she wins and you and your sister lose. I'm sorry this situation truely sucks, but in my book FAMILY comes first....always no matter what. In 20 years you may look back on this and not even remember why you didn't attend you sister's graduation party. Who knows, you may even meet your next GF there. But you will not have a opportunity to "do over". If you truely feel you are not able to reign in your emotions, and could possibly cause a scene, then yes avoid it.
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 Where is the party at? Also, I think your sister should take your feelings into consideration here. Did they cheat on you behind your back? Yeah she told me that she couldn't have a b/f in her life right now all they while she was constantly talking to my friend and telling me it wasn't anything. Then one night I caught them cuddling together. 2 weeks after she dumps me shes dating him.
StaggerLee Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I was told to just play it cool and that'll show em and whatnot but honestly I feel like I don't want to put myself through that. Should I just disappear for the day? You know what, f*ck playing it cool. You're not cool with it, why make out you are? If I were you I would DEFINITELY, 100% not go to the graduation party. Don't put yourself through it, it's pointless. I would probably go to the graduation itself though, so that in the future when you have moved on and don't care about this girl anymore (and trust me, you WILL get there), you won't look back and think 'Jesus I missed sis's graduation cos of HER???'. It'll be tough to go, really tough, but it's probably the right thing to do, and you'll feel better about it in the long run. Having said that, if you really are dreading going to the graduation itself and you think it's going to be way too tough, just don't go. It's your sisters qualification that is the reason to celebrate, the graduation day itself is no big thing. Just take her out another day to celebrate it with her. And your sister should understand about missing her party... if she doesn't, then she will in the future if she ever goes through what you are going through right now. Good luck.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 What!? Are you kidding me? Missing your sisters graduation and party because of an ex?? You shouldnt let your ex dictate your life this way. If I were you, I would go to the party and be there for your sister! Why would you let an ex gf control u this way? Go there looking the best you can and pretend like you don't care. Thats what I would do.
EmperorR Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 bring a hot date, fake your happiness even for a day.
BCCA Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 What!? Are you kidding me? Missing your sisters graduation and party because of an ex?? You shouldnt let your ex dictate your life this way. If I were you, I would go to the party and be there for your sister! Why would you let an ex gf control u this way? Go there looking the best you can and pretend like you don't care. Thats what I would do. Its not letting her control anything, its realizing that this is going to be a crummy situation for you, and skipping it. Seriously, whats there not to understand? His ex gf and former buddy are going to be there, and theyre together now. Thats going to make the guy feel like s**t, why should he subject himself to that? And again, your sister should understand. Its one day, one party, life will go on the next day. You can make it up to her, and if I were her, I would tell you not to come. Do you really want to risk a potential scene being made? You cant tell yourself 'Ill just play it cool' and keep your emotions in line the whole time. It doesnt work like that. Not showing up will indicate to her that you are obviously still hurting and still have emotions/feelings for her and unable to deal. Your absence would be duly noted as such and she wins and you and your sister lose. Life is not an immature game of proving something, or not letting people on to what youre going through. He is still hurting and does still have emotions, an maybe he doesnt want to deal with it. Is the guy so wrong for that? Seriously, this has 'painful' written all over it. There is no win/loss here or in life. You do whats best for you, and the people that care will understand.
BCCA Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 bring a hot date, fake your happiness even for a day. So should he just go to the 'hot date emporium' at the mall? I mean, that would be great, but is life really so simple? No.
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted March 21, 2009 Author Posted March 21, 2009 I've decided not to go. I have nothing to prove to either of them. They don't need to know why I'm not there, if they assume its because I couldn't deal with seeing them then fine. Maybe I had something else going on that day again what they think doesn't matter. I talked to my sister about it and she understands. I ran into my ex and her new bitch at a movie a few weeks ago and almost lost it, and that was just the time I saw them walk in and sit down, if I had to sit AROUND them watch them hold hands and kiss and **** I would probably end up beating my exfriends ass and causing a scene. At least I know if I dont go at all I can't full on ruin her party. My parents are going to disagree, they keep telling me I should just get over it or assume I'll be over it by then...but thats in a month, and its been 4 since the break, I doubt I'll be "cool" with things by then.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I dont know, my views are the same, its your sister, family. This girl is just an ex GF... And no I wont understand.I have been in situations WAY worse, dealing with my ex husband and his mistress he left me and our children for. I put a smile on my face and had dignity, I didnt skip out on anything.
northstar1 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I dont know, my views are the same, its your sister, family. This girl is just an ex GF... And no I wont understand.I have been in situations WAY worse, dealing with my ex husband and his mistress he left me and our children for. I put a smile on my face and had dignity, I didnt skip out on anything. It's all relative to the person going through it. In this case, Knight realizes he can't go through with it, that seeing his ex (relatively new breakup) and his former friend together at a party will be too much for him. I think I'd do the same in his boat, but again, everyone is different. He's already spoken to his sister, and she is okay with it and i'm sure he will make it up to her.
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