le_caz Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 my friend who happens to be my ex (absolutely no feelings) asked me on holidays recently as her best friend backed out, she said she wasnt defiantly backed out, and i argued for her to wait for a definite verdict from her friend. nothing was booked yet so she wouldnt lose any money. she said that i should defiantly go, i was really really looking forward to it at that stage as we dont see each other for months on end and then a few days later her friend wants to go now. she offered me apology after apology and basically im really hurt and pissed off. she wants go away some weekend now to make up for it after much persuading i gave in , im a firefighter and i already got hours off for the holiday, so over the next few weeks i have one weekend off which when i said we can meet then she has a birthday party to go to that weekend. i mean am i being unreasonable here i have one weekend off is it too much for her to skip the party? the stage im at is im due to ring her tonight she wants to talk about us meeting for some other weekend but im wanting to say you know what it isnt working im upset and you cant even make time for me. am i being unreasonable?
paddington bear Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 You have every right to be annoyed. She put you in position as fall-back holiday buddy and then when her first preference decided to go anyway, you were dropped like a hot potato. If she really wanted you to go, why not the 3 of you go together, why must it have been her and her friend or you and her? Also, to be brutally honest, you say that you have 'absolutely no feelings' I think you're lying to yourself. The fact that you are getting so upset over this and wanting assurances from her that she will make time for you I think means you are still very much emotionally involved with this woman, even if you don't admit it to yourself. It's very very very difficult to be best mates with a member of the opposite sex, whether you've got together or not, whether you've been a couple once or not. Sexual and emotional feelings come into play inevitably. My advice would be to try to find some new friends, to find a new girlfriend, when you allow other people into your life, one particular person ceases to have so much importance and you can have a genuine 'oh well, she's not available, I'll just go do something else' attitude. Just slightly step back from her, so you aren't so reliant on her, you don't have to cut her out of your life, just fill it up with some other people or activities. I've been there myself with a former fling turned friend who promised me faithfully to come visit me in the new city that I moved to, then at the last minute cancelled and actually never has come visit since - that was a year and a half ago. I felt so hurt and rejected. I had bought bedding and towels and food and had made plans and felt like an idiot and was so so disappointed. We had a huge argument over it. Now I just say, that's the way he is, nice guy, but totally unreliable and selfish at times, he's not going to change, I either accept the way he is or not, don't expect too much from him and concentrate on those friends of mine that I feel comfortable with and that don't hurt me with their actions. Hope it goes well for you.
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