Anastarcus Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 This is my Love Story, I'm a 23 year old gay man living in New York. I have been in a committed relationship with my Partner, who is 28, for almost 3 years now (2 months would make 3 years). At one point in our relationship (one of the best points), we lived together for about 6 months. Things changed despite both of our wishes (it is a very, very long story) and we learned to see each other more on the weekends and when we have time during the week. We both have each others names tattooed on our bodies and we have both confessed that neither one of us ever want to let the other one go. Soul-mates, forever. Boy, do I feel like an ********* now... Within the past month, my responsibilities have increased significantly. I am working on my bachelors degree in psychology full-time (i already have my A.A.) and I work full time during the week. I get up every morning at 5AM, have to be at work by 745 (by train into the city), then work till 5PM, leave for the train for school and i get there by 615, my class starts 630 and i do this monday-friday with the expection of no classes on friday night (thank god). Saturdays and Sundays are free time for me which I always try to work around spending with him. Ever since this has taken place, I have noticed that my lover has been much more distant from me. Over 3 weeks, I significantly noticed a shift in his attitude. He wouldnt pick up the phone as much, he wouldnt text me back and he wouldnt email me. If I ever didnt feel like going into class (very rarely), I would ask him if he wanted to get together, but he would always say he was BUSY. He is a supervisior so i understand that during work hours it is hard to get in touch with him, but in the evening (like when i call when i get out of class), i find it inexplainable that he would not answer. This situation had frustrated me to no end. We would each go out with our own set of friends on friday and then from sat and sunday we would be together and things would be fine, but once the work week would begin it would be the same old song and dance. This past monday, I called him after class and I was not able to get in touch with him (surprised??) I decided it was late anyway and that I had to get up early the next day anyway, so I would try to go to sleep. Well, I had trouble sleeping because I just couldnt shake this feeling about how he had been reacting towards me in the past few weeks.. I decided to write him an email. I was direct. He it is... "I don't even know where to begin with this email...I guess I just feel like I need to get this off of my chest or else ill be up all night and when I do finally fall asleep it will seep into my dreams...there really isn't any easy way to put this so I might as well just come out and tell you...it bothers me that you distance youself from me a lot during the week...I notice it more and more but the past 3 weeks it feels like once the weekend is over the only interaction we have takes place during the next weekend...throughout the week we barely talk...only a few texts here and there and the phone calls are practically obsolete...I feel like I'm always reaching out for you whenever I have time to speak with you but it seems like a lot more likely than less likely your never there to respond...I hear the voicemail operators voice more than I hear yours...I most absolutely understand during the day if your busy and at night I know that your busy too with things but I'm not asking for much from you at all...just to answer your phone if anything to talk for 5 maybe 10 minutes at least...sometimes you say you'll hit me back when you can but you don't, I just end up calling you and texting and seldom do you respond and its like way afterwork hours...also, I notice on the weekends when I'm around you most of the time your phone goes off your around it and answering your peoples, so I find it strange that your not able to take my calls or text me back during the week. Now I'm not saying that you never do text me or call me but you definitely don't as much as you used to...I'm wondering if your getting bored of me?? Maybe you've been bored? I don't know babe and I don't wanna jump to conclusions about your feelings, but I am curious about why you have switched up when it comes to the way we communicate. The thing that I dislike about the situation is also the way I feel because it makes me feel like I need to switch up in order to keep myself guarded, and i've never felt the need to keep myself guarded from you. I guess the reason I'm saying guarded is because a lot of the times i've grown dependant on you to be there for me when I need you. Whether it be when im stressed out or if something just happened that I wanna share with you regarding me, whether it be bad or good news but I just can't seem to get a hold of you at times and when that happens I'm left to fend for myself. Maybe its good that this is happening so that way I know to rely more heavily on myself and I can learn to deal with my emotions on my own...I don't know I guess only time will tell. The main thing that I'm saying is that I just notice that your not around as much and not only in the physical sense (which we know why of course) but also in a general sense and I'm noticing that as a reality for me as these past few weeks have gone by and I want to know Why? I feel disconnected from you more than I feel connected to you sometimes and it saddens me. I love you so much I just want to understand why this is happening and its clearly apparent. I feel like my Husband and my bestfriend doesn't even care if we talk or don't talk and it makes me question the current depth of our relationship." ...and i went to bed... The next day, when I woke up I had no text or email or phone call. Now please be advised of something, it isnt like im harrassing him or nagging him all day long. I work a lot and I only manage to call him in between short ciggy breaks and when im walking to the train or after class...sometimes on lunch if im not talking to one of my other gal-pals. Seeing no response upset me more than I could say. I just feel like ever since I GOT MORE BUSY DOING MANDATORY THINGS (WORK AND SCHOOL) I STILL MANAGE TO "MAKE" TIME FOR HIM AND HE WILL NOT RETURN THE GESTURE, MEANWHILE BEFORE I STARTED GOING BACK TO SCHOOL I STILL WORKED FULLTIME AND HE STILL WAS IN HIS WORK POSITION AND HE WOULD CONTACT ME MORE THEN! So at this point im at work...its tuesday the 17th...i had been feeling like crap all day (note: I still am, I have a fever but im at work). 3PM rolls around and my survisior let me go early because she took notcied that I was not feeling well. its 3PM. STILL NO CALL OR ANYTHING FROM HIM! I leave work, im on my way to school (ughh i had a midterm that night, scientific revolutions blahhh)...and i am on the train...i pass by the train station stop and I have more than enough time until class, so I decide to get off of the train very spontaneously. I tell myself "since he isnt answering me via phone or text face to face he will". I am outside the side entrance of his job and I text him and tell him to come outside because I have a question for him...HE CALLS ME BACK IN LIKE 3 MINUTES (WHICH OBVIOUSLY CONFIRMS THAT HE AROUND HIS PHONE MORE LIKELY THAN LESS LIKELY, OH YEAH AND ALSO, DURING THE WEEKENDS WHENEVER WE ARE TOGETHER AND HIS PHONE GOES OFF HE IS ALWAYS VERY EAGER TO ANSWER IT!). I pick up and he asks me if everything is okay and i tell him to come outside please because I want to ask him something. He does. When he opens the door I ask him if he got my email. He says "uhhh...yeahh...?" and im like and....? u didnt think to respond?? not even a little bit? and hes like im sorry ive been "busy" (ughhhh) all day and etc etc etc. So in my head im giving him the benefit of the doubt (like a fool that I am) and I am thinking to myself, well so maybe he didnt get around to answering the email itself, but that wont stop me from asking him why he hasnt contacted me all day. "Okay, and you couldnt contact me all day? like not even a text or a hello? no acknowledgement whatsoever? (also, please take into consideration that ever since we stopped living together, in the mornings when I would go to work I would send him a good morning text message once i got on the train, he used to tell me how much he loved that.....) Hes sticking to his story, "Ive been busy all day I have a new hire here and blah blah...im just like...okay...well i dont want to hold you up so im gonna go to class now...so he is like wait a second... "I do notice that there is a distance between us recently. I dont know where its coming from but I feel the same thing that you mentioned and I dont know why its there but its there." So I say, "Well, I notice that your the source of this change. You have been distancing yourself from me I havent been doing anything and it worries me like I said in the email about whyyyy this change is happening? I havent changed anything in the way I have been acting towards you". So he starts asserting that "PEOPLE CHANGE thats what they do its part of life!" So I assert back that "NOT ALL PEOPLE ALWAYS CHANGE and not in all circumstances! My feelings for you havent changed babe." He turns around and has the nerve and audacity to say this to me "LOOK MAN, WHY DONT YOU GET OFF OF MY D!CK".... I took 3, 4 steps back...uttered "fine"...and turned my back to him and walked away.... I took the train underground. I didnt have much service but when I came up to cross the bridge I had a text message. It was him and it said "Good luck on your midterm." Yeah, like thats what i want to hear from him.....ughh I take the midterm ( i feel i did well despite my outside stress), and I go home. I didnt respond to his text. Why should have I? That wasnt an apology, which I think was very much deserved at that point in time. While all this is going on, im dealing with my rising fever. The stress didnt help, thats for sure. I go home and go to bed. Wednesday the 18th... in the morning I wake up SICK AS A STRAY DOG. I call out sick (my first time in over 7 months working at my job) and I do not go to school. I rest all day thinking about this @sshole and how he hurt me. The hours roll on by...he never called.... Thursday the 19th.. I go to work...still no contact with him...i am feeling a little better in terms of physical illness, but im still stressed. I have not contacted him and vice versa all day. I DID NOTICE HOWEVER THAT HE DELETED HIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!! I decided not to go to class because I wanted to rest up and feel better, plus i didnt want to sit through our lecture of crime and punishement by Dostovesky lol. I get into my home around 630PM. I spread open my laptop, wondering about him...and all of a sudden, for reasons seriously unbenownst to me, something told me to type in his alias (screen names, online names he would go be *note: i met him on myspace years ago!) into a google search. Now I know this is was wrong of me. A clear invasion of privacy and I guess that goes to show how little trust I now have in him since he has changed SO much! I type one of them in, nothing...another one...nothing! the last one and more common one he has been using... DING DING DING!!!! THE JACKPOT MOTHERLOAD! a hyperlink...clad in blue with his alias just waiting to be clicked....! Again, I know this was wrong of me...but I just had to..I needed answers and he wasnt providing them...hey, at least I asked first and kept things personal (right,?) The link lead me to an online community ala myspace/facebook, for gays and lesbians! I went to find the member search name and I inserted the same alias.... my heart broke... shattered... his default facebook image. his status: single. looking for: causal and serious dating and friends: SIGN UP DATE: MARCH 10TH 2009. i pushed my laptop away from me....and I couldnt believe what I was seeing before me. It felt like a dream, but I know it was real. This ****!n fever is messin with my head I told myself... But no, it was the reality of my situation.... I PICKED UP MY CELL AND CALLED HIM...HE DIDNT PICK UP (YOU ARE NOT SURPRISED NOW IM SURE). I LEFT A VOICEMAIL. "This is the last time you will ever hear my voice...I never want to see you again. I am cutting you off from everything we share (his phone and internet service are under my name) and I want nothing more to do with you ever again. Oh yeah, and have fun on (name of site)!!! OH BUT I WAS FAR FROM FINISHED. I CALLED HIS MOTHER (WHOM I AM CLOSE WITH) AND TOLD HER THE SITUATION. SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS APPAULED AND COULD NOT BELIEVE IT! SHE GAVE ME INSPIRATIONAL WORDS AND WAS TRYING TO CONSOLE ME AS I WAS CRYING TO HER. SHE REALLY DIDNT BELIEVE IT. THEN I CALLED OUR MOBILE PROVIDER. CANCELLED HIS ACCOUNT. SAME GOES FOR HIS INTERNET. HE HAD GIVEN ME A PROMISE RING. I TOOK IT OFF AND PLACED IT IN AN ENVELOPE, WRAPPED IN A BLANK TISSUE. I ADDRESSED IT TO HIS ALIAS NAME (FOR SARCASM PURPOSES), BUT HIS REAL ADDRESS. HE SHOULD BE RECEIVING IT SHORTLY.... AND THAT LEAVES ME TO WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW...ITS FRIDAY AND IM AT WORKING TYPING THIS ENTIRE SITUATION OUT TO YOU. OH YEAH, AND HIS ALIAS IS NO LONGER COMING UP IN GOOGLE SEARCHES, HOWEVER HE IS STILL ON THAT SITE AND I SNOOPED THROUGH HIS EMAIL BECAUSE OF COURSEEEEEEEE I HAVE HIS PASSWORD AND I STUMBLED OVER ANOTHER WEBSITE THAT HE JOINED ANOTHER ONLINE COMMUNITY THAT NIGHT!!! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO...IM SITTING HERE...AND IM HAPPY THAT MANY PEOPLE WILL BE READING THIS BECAUSE I REALLY NEED SOME SOLID ADVICE. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LOVER? WHAT DID I DO TO PUSH HIM AWAY? I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR DOING THE SNOOPING THING AND ALL OF THAT BUT EVEN STILL AFTER FOLLOWING MY HUNCH AND DISCOVERING SUCH INFORMATION I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK...HAS HE DONE THIS BEFORe? HAS HE CHEATED ON ME IN THE PAST AND I DIDNT EVEN KNOW? I FEEL SO DECEIVED. HIS MOTHER CALLED ME TODAY AND WE SPOKE AND IS TELLING ME THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS CONSIDER ME FAMILY AND THAT SHE IS HERE FOR ME. HE ON THE OTHER HAND, HAS NOT REACHED OUT TO ME WHATSOEVER (NOT THAT HE REALLY HAS AN SUFFICIENT METHOD CONSIDERING I CUT OFF ALL HIS CONNECTIVITY TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD ASIDE FROM PHYSICAL INTERACTION). OF COURSE IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT I CANNOT TRUST HIM ONE BIT, BUT IT HURTS ME BECAUSE IM STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM...WHAT AM I TO DO? DOES HE EVEN CARE THAT HE HURT ME? WAS I USED? HE MET ME ON ONE OF THOSE SITES, SHOULD I HAVE JUST EXPECTED THIS FROM HIM? HE TOLD ME HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE MY SIDE. HE GOT MY NAME TATTOOED ON HIM AS AN ACCOUNT ALL HIS OWN. HE WENT BY HIS OWN FREE WILL AND SURPRISED ME AND TOLD ME HE WANTED TO SPEND ETENRITY WITH ME. MY INSIDES ARE SHATTERED. I AM A LOST SOUL....
sugarmomma Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 First let me say that since this post is so long you probably won't get a lot of responses. I read it and after all you wrote the line that stands out to me is the one where he says "people change" all the time or something of the sort. we sometimes think that our lover will love us forever and the truth is that people do sometimes decide to move on in spite of all the promises they make. I mean look at the divorce rate. those are people who swore before God and next few years they are in divorce court. What I am trying to say is that there are no guarantees in love. Things do change. I think once he started to pull away you did the wrong thing by grabbing on tighter. Take my word _that does nothing more than stroke their ego and make them pull away more. When a mate is pulling away you have to let them take their time and come back ontheir own. I dont think you are a victim or were used. You simply took a chance on love and things didn't work out the way you planned. It happens. Try to stay focused on other things that make you happy because you are responsible for your happiness, not him. He is simply showing you who he is. Remember- they usually come back and as my good friend says "they always return to the scene of the crime" Be strong and keep your head up and love yourself, but not supremely! This too shall pass!!!
Recommended Posts