taylor3205 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 16 months it has been since we split. 10 year relationship. In all through the 16 months Ive been told it is totally over about 5 times. Every single solitary time it takes me a few months to accept it. As soon as I accept it, I get a phone call, either a) wanting me back or b) implying that he wants me back. Then not soon after Im back on ignore, he is sleeping around and I am in bits. I have met a couple of people since we have split, no sex or anything, I cant even do that, I just dont want to be there. Im just dead inside. It has happened yet again. I get a phone call a few nights ago, he was suicidial, lots of things had gone wrong for him, I sat on the phone to him for 2 hours!! He basically implied that if we were together we would both be happy, he was drunk. Then 2 days later, he doesent want to know again and he is meeting someone else. Im totally f**ing depressed, I have no self esteem, I just cant be bothered with anyone or anything. People are just sick of me and say I should just get over it, that is the few so called friends I have. Im just sick, tired and fed up and I dont see a point to anything anymore. Im just not happy, AT ALL. Im miserable. And I have tried getting out more but all I end up doing is getting drunk and doing something foolish. I had to move house, I hate where I live, his best friend lives 3 doors away. I cant get over him, I cant get him out of my mind and every single time I walk out the front door im reminded. Ive hit the drink on the head, I have came to realise that it is not a wise decision to drink when you are feeling so low. Im trying so hard and I feel like I am getting no where. My mam says im going to grow up being bitter and lonely if I carry on the way I am, Im either angry or depressed. Ive tried excersing, throwing myself into work, meeting new people, doing new things....everything. Yet I still feel this way. When people show an interest in me, yes Im flattered, but it gets to a certain point and I just run a mile. Ive been on anti depressants and the lot. I have a place in university and could move away this year, total fresh start, but Im scared to do it. And there is my(our) dog whom ive had for 9 years, I would have to rehome him. If I won the lottery tomorow and could do anything and go anywhere I still would not know what to do and would be no happier. I just dont know what to do anymore and Im sick of everything. I try to think positive but after a while it just feels like I am kidding myself. I just feel totally let down and run down. Im lost and I have just shut myself off from the world, because Im sick of being let down.
iwillbebettersoon Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 i hope i dont end up saying the things you've heard a million times. i know you're feeling as if you can never get out of your situation. im there right now too. i truly empathize with you. know that the world is out there to help in times like these. if it helps any, i wish you more strength to keep going and to eventually see the all the good that life has to offer you.
sugarmomma Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 This story is why I have committed myself to never giving up my friends, interests activities family life just because I am in a relationship. As women it seems like when we get involved we use that man as our sole source of support emotionally socially mentally. That is not a good thing to do because if he sees that a woman will do that he won't have a lot of respect for her. But when a man sees that you have a complete full life outside of him he respects that and wants you even more. I have given up major parts of my life unconsciously in relationships and I will never do it again. The best way to get over someone is to get outside of yourself and help people less fortunate than yourself. Self pity will keep you depressed but I bet if yuo go out and volunteer on a sick children's ward, with the homeless or even domestic vioence victims you will be grateful and not think about him or yourself as much. Believe me it works. I did it when my husband abandoned me for having him arrested because he assualted me. I am glad he's gone now and know that I deserve the best and he wasn't it. I will never let a man treat me less than I deserve ever again.
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