levent Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I have read nearly all topics about commitment phobia but couldn't find a real solution. A few people tell that they overcame their problem but they don't tell how they did that. Have you got commitment phobia? Did you try anything to overcome this problem? Did you go to therapies? What about the book "Getting ro Commitment"? Has anyone achieved to overcome this problem? Please I need some answers.
2sure Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 It would be helpful to know which end you are on. Are you the person with the committment phobia or are you involved with someone who has this problem?
Author levent Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 I am involved with a commitment phobic.
Author levent Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 Also she says "I have a problem, I must change but I can't" she's aware of herself, but she doesn't know of commitment phobia, even I learned it a few days ago. She is willing to change. So if someone have done that before it would be very useful.
EllieBean Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 In my experience, you overcome commitment phobia by meeting someone you really want to commit to. If a guy doesn't want to commit, it usually means he doesn't want to commit to ME, and often a commitment-phobe will break up with me or my friends and will happily commit to someone else fairly soon afterwards. Perhaps she's just not that into you?
ShawnLim Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Most of the NLP courses out there provide you with powerful mind-changing techniques that will allow you to get rid of your phobias. Some people say that the best way to get rid of fear, is to just do it. If you've phobia to speak in front of a huge crowd, the best way to overcome it is to do it anyway.
Author levent Posted March 25, 2009 Author Posted March 25, 2009 Some experts say that getting into commitment won't help for this problem. That's why nearly all of the relationships with the commitment phobics fail. I wish that she's not just into me. I would really want that. Because I'll understand that she has no problem. I didn't tell everything but I'm pretty sure that she has this kind of phobia. Shawn thanks for the help. I also saw that hypnotherapy and psychotherapy may be helpful but not in all cases. It really depends on the person and how he/she is willing to change.
truelycommitted Posted May 5, 2009 Posted May 5, 2009 If he loves you and is 100 PERCENT SURE your the "one", than the past does not matter." I've read all threats on commitment phobia and honestly I'm lost & none the wiser if it really is possible to help someone who says they love you and you know in your heart they do but they wont commit. i've been dealing with relationship with person with commitment phobia for over 5 years on and off. Above was a quote from one threat i read. What has me confused now is are they right. Has anyone else been heard or experienced a relationship where it HAS worked out or am i only fooling myself into falling into same trap where "he loves me but finds it hard to commit" I've spent last year fighting my feelings that i'm better off moving on & looking out for his until tonight when i drew a line under the relationship & told him i need to get my life back together and move on. cried my eyes out not wanting it to end both the friendship & relationship but i've lost myself in trying to let him decide what he wants. Given him 100% commitment and its only ended up in heartbreak. Broke my heart to see him as upset as i was but if he cant commit when i've given it my all what else can i do? Short background - he went for councilling - (wont talk about it because its too hard for him) we have been best friends for 7years - going out for 5 years, I put 100% into his business until it ended up he wasnt sure if he could commit so things got rocky & now i moved out and need to find my own feet again. We are tied up in soo much together with work/social things but i cant put my life on hold anymore i need to find myself again. I ADORE him as i know he really loves me too but has anyone experienced or heard of it working out in the end. Ok in my heart i think i had no choice but put closure on things tonight for myself to get my life back together without him but in my heart im hoping he will come back running when he realises what he has lost. I've tried EVERYTHING from being there for him to trying to give him space etc... but 5 years later i'm still crying my eyes out after we are on & off to a point im exhausted from being hurt. PLEASE can someone help me - have i done right walking away from him OR is there something i could do for someone who says he loves me to bits and he is distraught trying to do right by me & wants to commit but finds it hard.
arcobaleno Posted May 15, 2009 Posted May 15, 2009 I have recently walked in your shoes. However, I didn't know it was commitmentphobia until I read the books: He's Scared/She's Scared and Men Who Can't Love by Carter and Sokol. They gave me insight into many behaviors. However, I suffered from the worst thing - when I thought my commitmentphobe was seeing someone else (and if you read these books, you will learn that infidelity is strong among this type of person), I confronted it and gave an ultimatum. Haven't heard from him since. So, I would read these books for guidance, as I strongly tout their advice. For myself, I believe that breaking it off saved my sanity and worse heartache in the long run. For you, though, it depends on how many more years you'd like for this pattern to continue. Good luck, and keep your head up!
babydreamer Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I think that you just need to find the right person that you are madly deeply in love with. Try to take it slowly since you want to overcome commitment phobia.
Trialbyfire Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 Most commitment phobes aren't honestly ones. They've just not found the right person to commit to. The real ones, if they can't find a red flag, make red flags up in their heads, due to fear. levent, you can't fix her. She has to fix herself and if she can't, she has to get some professional help. You're wasting time, emotion and energy on someone who continues to mind eff you. Do yourself a favour and get out of this relationship. No matter which kind of commitment phobe she is, you're still the one who continues to get it up the rear.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 I think that you just need to find the right person that you are madly deeply in love with. Try to take it slowly since you want to overcome commitment phobia. And just what would you know about committment?
Author levent Posted May 22, 2009 Author Posted May 22, 2009 TrialByFire, Thanks for all your support in both of the threads. Luckily I ve been out of this pattern about a month ago. I was really obsessed at the time and thinking of nothing. What you say is totally right. The results are emotionally devastating. But believe me, leaving this kind of relationship is a real hard challenge. It is not that easy as it sounds. Thanks again...
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