Aries77 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Hey everyone - I know this may be just about the dumbest question ever posted here, but...how do you know if your boyfriend is fiance-worthy, or even marriage material? C'mon all you married people out there, shoot! Oh, and thanks.
2sure Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Of all the things you do or dont need to have in common... You have to have the same VALUES. As in family values, especially if you plan to have kids. Is having a nice home more important than extensive vacations? Would you rather have new cars or money in savings? Suburbs or urban? Church or no? And not just day dreams, but solid plans with actions that back them up. Its great to have money - but it is an issue for almost every family to some degree. Your values and priorities need to be on the same page from the get go.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Well, he ought to be marriage worthy before he becomes fiance material...otherwise he should stick to boyfriend. For me, the finances are far below the other values a person holds. My ideal husband is likely much different from yours. So I think the most important thing in choosing a mate is to know yourself first. What do you value? Does your boyfriend fit those values? In action, not just words? But really, if anything about him annoys you now, it will only get worse with marriage. So find someone who doesn't annoy you now. Because they will later, and it will be easier to deal with new annoyances than it will be to deal with old.
lostsunsets Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 someone that will love his wife sacrificially. Who will put the interests of his family before his own. Someone who is kind and supportive. Wishing to see his wife and the members of his family be who they are and encourages their dreams. Someone who rises above adversity and is willing to start all over again if he fails. A man who his wife can respect even more then she loves. Someone that when she looks in his eyes, she sees love and acceptance. Yet someone that will not compromise his core principles, even if his wife disagrees with him. Someone who has his wife's back when she is dealing with the kids. SOMEONE THAT LOVES HIS WIFE EVEN MORE THEN THE CHILDREN. MARRY SOMEONE YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT. NOT SOMEONE YOU CAN LIVE WITH.
angie2443 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 SOMEONE THAT LOVES HIS WIFE EVEN MORE THEN THE CHILDREN. MARRY SOMEONE YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT. NOT SOMEONE YOU CAN LIVE WITH. These last two wouldn't work for me. While I expect my husband love me as much as my children and stand by me in my decisions with them, I don't want him to love me more. The love partners share, IMO, is very differant than the love they have for their children- not more or less, just differant. Also, I can live without my husband. I don't need him for survival. I want to live with him and enjoy bieng with him. There is a differance. I'm not trying to argue. I'm just pointing that differant people are going to have differant ideas on what a partnership should be about.
lostsunsets Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 These last two wouldn't work for me. While I expect my husband love me as much as my children and stand by me in my decisions with them, I don't want him to love me more. The love partners share, IMO, is very differant than the love they have for their children- not more or less, just differant. Also, I can live without my husband. I don't need him for survival. I want to live with him and enjoy bieng with him. There is a differance. I'm not trying to argue. I'm just pointing that differant people are going to have differant ideas on what a partnership should be about. Then we agree to disagree. I believe that children draw strength and security from their parents love for each other and are a rock the children stand on, In a healthy marriage. They are the hub of their world. Another reason why it is that parent's love for each other is more important then their love for the children, is that the children will model their marriages after the ones they grow up in. That's why abuse is inherited or generational. When the parents love for each other is eclipsed by the parents love for the child, they are choosing them above the spouse. And many, many marriages have been destroyed by parents not being on the same page regarding their children. A childs life has never been damaged by their parents loving each other more then them. Many children and families have suffered by the the parents loving their children more then each other. Oh and by the way most women would agree with you. But then again most women would be wrong. I will base my case on prison populations. 70% of long term prison inmates come from broken homes. The statistics are undeniable. And while these are disfunctional families they are lead by single moms. I am sure that the majority of these women would have picked their child over their husband too. You say you can live without your husband. That's the problem. To many women believe they can live without their husband. Let me show you what that belief produces. http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html You may very well be able to live without your husband. But the results of that decision by millions of women is devastating to their children.
angie2443 Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Then we agree to disagree. I believe that children draw strength and security from their parents love for each other and are a rock the children stand on, In a healthy marriage. They are the hub of their world. Another reason why it is that parent's love for each other is more important then their love for the children, is that the children will model their marriages after the ones they grow up in. That's why abuse is inherited or generational. When the parents love for each other is eclipsed by the parents love for the child, they are choosing them above the spouse. And many, many marriages have been destroyed by parents not being on the same page regarding their children. A childs life has never been damaged by their parents loving each other more then them. Many children and families have suffered by the the parents loving their children more then each other. Oh and by the way most women would agree with you. But then again most women would be wrong. I will base my case on prison populations. 70% of long term prison inmates come from broken homes. The statistics are undeniable. And while these are disfunctional families they are lead by single moms. I am sure that the majority of these women would have picked their child over their husband too. You say you can live without your husband. That's the problem. To many women believe they can live without their husband. Let me show you what that belief produces. http://www.photius.com/feminocracy/facts_on_fatherless_kids.html You may very well be able to live without your husband. But the results of that decision by millions of women is devastating to their children. Your post made me laugh for some reason. I think you misunderstood where I was comming from. I wasn't saying my way of viewing marriage was any better than yours. I was trying to point out that differant people have differant ideals of what a relationship should be. I don't love my children any more or less than my husband. I have a very differant love for them and to compare the two makes no sense to me. The kids don't come before my husband or me. At the end of the day, my partner and I stand by each other in regards to how we raise the kids. I realize that he is the one that I plan to spend the rest of my life with while we are raising the kids to eventially leave us. At the same time, if it was a life and death situation, and it was either him or one of the kids that could be saved, I would save my child. He would do the same and we both know this. Like I said, the love I have for my kids is very differant than the love I have for my husband. Also, I wasn't saying that my husband wasn't important to me when I said I could live without him. I was stating that he wasn't necessary for my survival like oxygen is. If he died, I would somehow mannage to move on and raise the kids myself.
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