Isolde Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I want the rare guy who is both emotionally supportive and at least somewhat sensitive to my moods, BUT internally a healthy balance of strong and vulnerable. Or that is to say somebody who has enough vulnerability to be emotionally available but not so much that he comes off as weak. I'm glad to hear you've changed your preferences to someone with a minimum level of availability.
monkey00 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Alright, I'm a guy and I have to put my input into this little thread here. I agree it's good for a guy to be well balanced, be empathetic to people and especially women as well. But not overly sensitive or a cold person. I understand women have needs and more so emotional needs at times than men. I think both parties should be well balanced. If a guy isn't accommodating to a girl's needs, he could just be tired or stressed out. I think at times some individuals jump to conclusions that the other person is insensitive or possibly the extent of losing interest because of not caring. Communication is always vital, and understanding is even more important. Some individuals are so self-absorbed that they are always about me me me. Sometimes birth order plays into effect the type of individual someone may be also..how empathetic they may be, self-absorbed, controlling, etc. all the good or bad stuff.
BLo Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 i want a guy who knows what he wants and goes for it. nice guys often are too much about trying to make women happy all the time. i want a guy who i can share the relationship with and has his own ideas and desires, i don't want to feel like i'm carrying the relationship because we only ever do what i want to do. i want a guy who cares about me but is secure enough with himself and our relationship that he doesn't need to tell me it all the time or ask me how i feel about him all the time for constant verification.
Jersey Shortie Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I want the rare guy who is both emotionally supportive and at least somewhat sensitive to my moods, BUT internally a healthy balance of strong and vulnerable. Or that is to say somebody who has enough vulnerability to be emotionally available but not so much that he comes off as weak. Totally agree. I also want a guy that respects me, sees the value I have. Wants to grow and mature in the relationship with me and doesn't fear making that kind of commitment. Does the little things for me cause he wants to. I don't want him to feel like we have to measure tit for tat. I want someone that doesn't always need to validate himself with other women or porn but is confident in who he is and wants a monagmous relationship.
c-riouz Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I want someone who is strong, sensitive, caring, attentive and mature at the same time. Must not be afraid to cry. Does not engage in typical frat boy behavior and sees me as the only one - in heart as well as in mind (yes, that means no porn and no magazines) - something I am willing to reciprocate, hence I expect the same from my partner. He does the little romantic things for me because he genuinely wants to - not because he feels those are things he has to do in order to get into my pants. He is emotionally open and not afraid of talking about his feelings, is intelligent, witty, charming and can hold a conversation in almost all social surroundings. He is comfortable with himself (though a little insecurity here and there is normal and humane, but he shouldn't be so dissatisfied with himself that he feels the need to seek for external validation) and we can talk about serious, philosophical stuff for hours, but are also able to be goofy and dorky together. Must have a good sense of humor. Income doesn't matter, but he should be able to support himself (i.e. if we want to go on a trip, or to a restaurant, I wouldn't want to have to pay for him, just as I don't expect him to pay for me. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't pay every now and then, just that it mustn't become a necessity because he has no income. If that makes sense.) In other words, I want him to be strong and confident on the outside, and sensitive and caring when being with me. Likes to spend alot of time with me, has some interests in common with me and basically is my best friend and lover in one person.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 OP I hope this isn't threadjacking. I see several posters say that this is their first relationship with a sensitive man. So my question is what is different about you that allowed you to accept this sensitive man? Is there something different about you now?
motive2002 Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 I'm guessing that the overly sensitive guy just doesn't cut it. It makes sense. Taking what you know about equality and throwing it out the window.. women want their men to be stronger than they are, yet still remain compassionate to their feelings. By stronger I mean like their emotional rock. Their support. If the guy is freaking out about stuff all the time, they appear to be weak and unreliable. Instinctively women want to be able to rely on their man to handle things, whatever they may be without crumbling into some kind of mess. This doesn't mean that the man has to be emotionally unavailable or cold.. just all the usual traits women find most appealing. Confident, self assured, a man that knows what he wants etc. Seems pretty simple to me.
Author Trialbyfire Posted March 22, 2009 Author Posted March 22, 2009 Using Taramere's scale, of 0 being totally insensitive and 10 as being the emotional wreck, I would have to say 4 for me. I agree with Motive but have to add an addendum. While it's nice to have someone emotionally stronger, I'm strong enough to pull my weight too. I have someone who doesn't freak out at the drop of a hat but is also self-aware enough to rely on me when it's not his strength. Walking on eggshells is no fun for either party. I can't fathom a viable relationship where one or both parties is overly-sensitive. Empathy is one thing, overly-sensitive is another. Empathy isn't always good in itself, in that it can also be used for the purposes of manipulation. There's a way for the two of you to be emotionally honest with each other, without resorting to brutality or that either is always right or dominant. As long as the two of you are more concerned about resolution v. personal pride/ego and honestly listening and understanding to what your SO is trying to say, then it's all good. I guess I'd rather have an excellent communicator with the ability to de-escalate and negotiate, than a man who's more sensitive than I am. I'm comfortable communicating my issues, as long as I see them as something he can affect or amend. If they're my issues, as in I own them, more often than not, I'd rather address them myself or by bouncing them off third parties. My SO is also comfortable communicating his issues. We resolve, which works well for us. Having said all that, this is my preference. Every woman has a different preference.
allina Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 It depends on what we mean by sensitive. Of course I want a man to be able to express his love for me, his family and friends. However someone that tears up watching The Notebook would have me running.
Isolde Posted March 22, 2009 Posted March 22, 2009 Using the scale, I'd have to say a 5-6 for me--just a smidge more sensitive than the average guy. With my parents, my mom is more sensitive than I, my dad less and though I generally get along well with both of them, there are specific communication issues with each.
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