Zorie Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Ok so the thread about cancelling a date through a text got me thinking... What's everyone's take on getting asked out (for the first time or initial meeting) by text? With online dating this seems to be more and more common and I'm personally against it and refuse to accept a date over text! I know texting is popular now and I have no problem with it because its seems to be the natural progression of communication. Emails, exchange phone numbers, send short greetings throughout the day... The last 3 people I've met online have turned into nothing more than an exchange of texts and then a few days in I get the dreaded... "So are you free this weekend? ARRGH! (2 of which at that point I still hadnt even spoken to on the phone, just texts) I know it takes the pressure of a somewhat awkward situation to begin with, but don't people like to "speak to anyone in person anymore? I'm also 6 months back into the dating scene (now in my 30's) after a 9 year relationship so is this something thats more widely acceptable for the 20somethings over the 30somethings? Or is my request to be asked out in an actual phone convo that far fetched?
confused_2008 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I'm early 20s and make a concerted effort to keep the interactions over the phone. I'm somewhat shy so it would be a lot easier to keep things through text but there's so many more benefits to actually talking on the phone. It's easier to gauge the girl's reactions to things and I think girls respect someone that actually calls a little more than someone who hides behind text. I think it's really common to ask people out through text for my generation and don't think it's really even looked down on, though. One of the benefits of doing it through text if the girl's not really into you is it's less awkward for both if she declines the date. You could also potentially miss out if she's not sure and then has an easy out through text, though
Lindarose84 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I don't think asking someone out on a date through a text message is appropriate for a first date if you've met online. I think that should be done through a telephone conversation. I tend to think it's ok to set up dates through texts after you've met for the first time however. It's just making plans to hang out and with texting being the norm these days, it's really not taboo. I think if it's someone who you know and have met in person through friendship or through mutual friends, texting for the first date is again, not ok. Just do it in person. You come off as a coward if we have the ability to be face to face and you choose text over just asking me out personally. I once had a friend ask me out through facebook. I was thoroughly turned off since he could've just asked me to do something when we were hanging out over the weekend with friends.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I'm with you - I'd never accept a first date request over text. I don't care if it's mainstream - it's class-less. I had never heard of such a thing until I started reading about this phenomenon on here. Yeah, it takes guts to ask out - that's why I'd ADMIRE a guy doing that over the phone. It's crap like this that actually makes me dang glad my guy is not into texting at all.
Mahatma Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 In my opinion, anything serious over text is immature. I think it is more of a guts issue. Some guys aren't confident enough.
climbergirl Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I'm with you...what is up with some of these guys? Even when they are way past 40!! Some I will give some leeway, tho. One guys asked me out via text but we've known each other for some time, so it didn't bother me. Another guy is striking me as a complete flake. Asked me out early in the morning the day of. OK-cut him some slack as I know he's busy and all, but couldn't go. The next time he asked me out was at 10:30 pm on a saturday night. Oh yeah, be right over! I didn't even bother to respond to that. Now he's got the hint and asked me out well before this weekend and gave me any day of the weekend as an option. But, you know, these were all asked through e-mail. I think he (and your potential date) is just clueless. I really think they think this is 'ok'. But as someone else pointed out, it may be the easy way out due to nerves. Last time I talked to the latter one he was clearly very nervous.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Who cares maybe it makes it easer for the guy to get over his initial shyness? I think women make dating way harder then it has to be..
BobSacamento Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 hahaha honestly who are you the Pope? Get over yourself! and go out and have a good time. Why sit home and be petty?
Girlygirl1977 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I actually agree with the guys. While I might not like it, I would def still see what he has to offer before writing him off. If you aren't sitting home alone a lot, then maybe you have a right to say this. . .otherwise, check out the guy and then decide.
Brady_to_Moss Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Who cares maybe it makes it easer for the guy to get over his initial shyness? I think women make dating way harder then it has to be.. Words of wisdom. Who cares? What if hes a great guy? Your going to pass over him becase he asked you out over a txt? Please. Go out and have a good time with him. Dont put someone down becasue they txted you to go out on a date. Sometimes you girls think about it way to much. No wonder i am single.. i am going after girls who need a perfect man and to be confident about everything. Sorry not many perfect people out there.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I guess I'm old-fashioned. If the guy doesn't like that, then we're not meant to be. I like my guy's old-fashioned charm. It's sweet.
Lindarose84 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 It's really not about seeking perfection or women thinking too highly of ourselves, it's just, as SoulSearch put it, old-fashioned charm. I mean geez if we're going to do what's easy for people, lets just go on the date and text each other back and forth from opposite sides of the room since that's easier for the shy guy. Then after that I'll open all of the doors and carry the guy to the car- that's for the shy guy too. Then after that, I'll drive and drop the guy off at his place so there is no worry about whether he has to walk me out to my door and struggle with whether or not he should go in for the kiss- that would just make the shy guys' day. I mean really, it's not too much to ask that a guy forego texting just once. If you can't do just that, then maybe you're not ready to date.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 It's really not about seeking perfection or women thinking too highly of ourselves, it's just, as SoulSearch put it, old-fashioned charm. I mean geez if we're going to do what's easy for people, lets just go on the date and text each other back and forth from opposite sides of the room since that's easier for the shy guy. Then after that I'll open all of the doors and carry the guy to the car- that's for the shy guy too. Then after that, I'll drive and drop the guy off at his place so there is no worry about whether he has to walk me out to my door and struggle with whether or not he should go in for the kiss- that would just make the shy guys' day. I mean really, it's not too much to ask that a guy forego texting just once. If you can't do just that, then maybe you're not ready to date. While I respect your right to your opinion... "not ready to date" is a little extreme don't you think? lol... I would think with it being hard enough to find decent men in this day and age. But to add onto that now they have to approach the situation just right or its a no go right from the start... I'm going to remember that next time I see a were are all the good guys thread.. There out there its just that maybe there to creepie or not following the proper channels of dating.. ***Sigh*** I just don't get it.. please don't take offense Lady's if it works for you great...
Katherineos123 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Who cares maybe it makes it easer for the guy to get over his initial shyness? I think women make dating way harder then it has to be.. I agree. But I still think that if a guy is truly interested, then he should have the cajones to vocalize with his potential date! It would defiantly be a turn off, but I would still give him a try! Then when we got a little more comfortable, I'd call him out on it!
colosseum Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Question: what if the girl says she prefers texts? Is that genuine or a sign that she's not that interested? I've been getting positive feedbacks via the texts though...
thegoodlife Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I have to agree with most of the ladies, I wouldn't accept a date via text. Anytime I have ever been asked out or have asked a man out myself it has always been face-to-face. I personally think it's cowardly in a way. Just like ending a relationship via text isn't appropriate or mature, a potential relationship shouldn't begin that way either.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Question: what if the girl says she prefers texts? Is that genuine or a sign that she's not that interested? I've been getting positive feedbacks via the texts though... I say if its working then go for it! best of luck..
Author Zorie Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 Thanks for all the insight! Lots of interesting replies Well, again I don't have a problem with texting in general or even being asked out via text once I get to know someone, but for a very first date with someone its not a very good impression to me if someone can't even ask me out on the telephone and trust me I do not have high standards when it comes to dating I'm a very laid back type of girl. I guess its like everything else and comes down to personal preference. If a guy is that shy or doesn't have the confidence to ask someone out for the first time in person then that's saying a lot to me about his personality. Perhaps this is the same type of person that would cancel a date over a text? Maybe its just a sign of the times and people just like to take the "easy" way out so they don't have to deal with the reality of situations. And also as far as a guy being scared of rejection through text, I personally would not even be giving out my number to someone I didnt want to go out with or get to know better.
samspade Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 What's everyone's take on getting asked out (for the first time or initial meeting) by text? It's passive and non-confrontational, two qualities most women avoid in men. And I don't think it's a "sign of the times." Communication technology changes, but even 150 years ago, a guy had the choice between writing a letter (one-way communique) or asking a woman out face-to-face (two-way). Personally, I prefer to do my asking out in person and my date-planning via telephone. Texts not only make you seem like you're afraid of rejection, they also increase the likelihood of a flaking-out.
Els Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 My previous 1+year relationship began with him asking me out over text. But I don't mind the shy, inexperienced variety of men. If you don't prefer such men then yes, by all means don't accept, since asking you out through text evidently points at their nature being as such. But it's not a cardinal sin, not like cheating, more of a each-to-their own thing.
collegekid491 Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 It shows no feelings, it shows no effort, it shows no respect. Any guy that does this, its a pussy move, unless your in junior high, in which case any girl literally hops on anything that can be remotely seen as interest
Brady_to_Moss Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 It shows no feelings, it shows no effort, it shows no respect. Any guy that does this, its a pussy move, unless your in junior high, in which case any girl literally hops on anything that can be remotely seen as interest I have a feeling you were dumped via text at some point. No effort? Pussy Move? HA okay man
happigolucky Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I'm early 20s and make a concerted effort to keep the interactions over the phone. I'm somewhat shy so it would be a lot easier to keep things through text but there's so many more benefits to actually talking on the phone. This is the same for me. I'm early twenties and even though most my generation still use msn and text and stuff, I try make a point to use the phone and see people. It's inda depressing how no one talks to each other properly anymore. I much prefer to be called, it shows a lot more of an effort!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Question: what if the girl says she prefers texts? Is that genuine or a sign that she's not that interested? I've been getting positive feedbacks via the texts though... No - I'd say if she says that's what she prefers, then that's what she prefers. Go for it. For some of us, it just doesn't float our boat. That doesn't mean it's something that NO women like.
WorriedOne Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 In my opinion, anything serious over text is immature. I think it is more of a guts issue. Some guys aren't confident enough. Bingo. Texts are for lighthearted conversation about trivial things. Any guy who asks a girl out or dumps her through anything less than a phone call is a coward.
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