Juno Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Since Jan I have been heart broken. My ex ended things with me suddenly. He has a temper. For months I tried to talk to him and he ignored me at every turn. I was a mess. I got as bad as one can get (as I detailed in previous posts). Well just this past weekend, I decided to respond to a text he sent me earlier in the week. We started off with pleasantries, got caught up a bit with what each other was doing over the past few months, then we got a little flirty. Alot flirty as a matter of fact. We spoke everyday since Sunday, today is Thursday. He's out of town, and was not planning on coming home until Sat. So we were playful, a little lovey dovey and planned on getting together on Sat. He justed texted me and said he has a big surprise for me. He's at the airport now and will be back in town tonight and will come straight over to my house once he lands. I'm shaking. This is not a good surprise. I'm having second thoughts. I struggled so hard over the past few months. The healing process was extremely painful. Although I miss him tremendously, I'm not so sure I'm ready to jump back into his arms. Coupled with the fact that I'm not sure if we aren't just lusting after each other. It has been awhile. I have so many mixed emotions. I'm scared, hurt, healing, happy, horny. I wish I never broke NC.
Author Juno Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 I'm afraid we see each other, hook-up, then break-up again. He's been really nice, but he's been sexual in our convos too. I'm shaking, he's in flight now.
BCCA Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I'm afraid we see each other, hook-up, then break-up again. He's been really nice, but he's been sexual in our convos too. I'm shaking, he's in flight now. I wouldnt even see him, unless hes meeting you at a resturant for dinner. If hes coming over, or inviting you over, then yeah - he probably just wants some action. Dont give away milk until he buys the cow. He cant have you how he wants, when he wants. Love yourself first.
Author Juno Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 I wouldnt even see him, unless hes meeting you at a resturant for dinner. If hes coming over, or inviting you over, then yeah - he probably just wants some action. Dont give away milk until he buys the cow. He cant have you how he wants, when he wants. Love yourself first. Thank you. I few of my friends said I have low self esteem because I keep giving in to him. I just miss him and don't want to waste any opportunity to see him. Sex is always great, but it's what follows that hurts so much. I took your advice, and just text him and told him let's make a date and go out for the first time getting back together instead of jumping into bed together. He just wrote back...you will climb into my bed and we will cuddle and talk. I'm so confused. Is he just trying to get some? The pain of the past few months persist.
crisla Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Right, don't even see him unless you are in the public place where he cannot just do whatever he wants from you. How do yo feel after the sweetness things over and he breaks your heart all over again? You will feel crash, angry and humiliated. I know its hard. But he will respect you and wants you more than ever. Believe me!
Author Juno Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Part of me feel responsible for this since I engaged in the flirty conversations with him this week, which lead to him changing his flight and coming home sooner. I did not ask him to do this. I want to believe he has done this because he loves me and misses me oppose to wanting to get laid. He writes back at my hesitancy...Follow your heart, not your crazy over analyzing thoughts. I texted in reply...."middle finger" NEVER EVER BREAK NO CONTACT! I MEAN EVER!!!!!!!
northstar1 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Part of me feel responsible for this since I engaged in the flirty conversations with him this week, which lead to him changing his flight and coming home sooner. I did not ask him to do this. I want to believe he has done this because he loves me and misses me oppose to wanting to get laid. He writes back at my hesitancy...Follow your heart, not your crazy over analyzing thoughts. I texted in reply...."middle finger" NEVER EVER BREAK NO CONTACT! I MEAN EVER!!!!!!! Yeah, as a guy, he was looking to get laid.
Author Juno Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Yeah, as a guy, he was looking to get laid. Why can't I see this as clearly as you all? Why is it I'm afraid not to comply? Terrified his feelings/mood will drastically change afterwards. But I think to myself how can someone be so cruel? This is far too much effort to just get laid...right? He's in-flight now. The last thing he wrote was: Just cuddle and talk is fine. Don't be late. Just come in and come up. I will be napping. Boarding now. Kisses, I can't wait to smell your perfume. Does any of this sound like anything more than just a booty call? Is there an ounce of sincere longing/missing you emotion expressed?
danb Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 People can be that cruel. From my perspective, he said all the things that a player type guy would. The line about "Follow your heart, not your crazy over analyzing thoughts" ugg. Trying to get you into bed to "cuddle", and hes not letting up on that idea either. I assume things were rough when you broke up, it doesn't look like hes acknowledging your fear or hurt in any way here. Not assuring you anything. I don't know the circumstances but it sounds like he hurt you and should expect to work his way back in your life under your terms, not his own. He might push for sex and if you refuse he might get angry or who knows what. Obviously if you refuse and he gets mad hes not someone you would want to have a relationship with. Maybe not, maybe he has all good intentions but im doubtful. Did you two get some closure on why you broke up before?
gavinus Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 My only advice is when you see him, get all the information out of him, and disclose no information about you. Retain your power! You could also arrange one of your friends to call, or see you at a certain time, so that can be your escape plan. He dumped you once, do not let him hurt you again. You have the power
Author Juno Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 People can be that cruel. From my perspective, he said all the things that a player type guy would. The line about "Follow your heart, not your crazy over analyzing thoughts" ugg. Trying to get you into bed to "cuddle", and hes not letting up on that idea either. I assume things were rough when you broke up, it doesn't look like hes acknowledging your fear or hurt in any way here. Not assuring you anything. I don't know the circumstances but it sounds like he hurt you and should expect to work his way back in your life under your terms, not his own. He might push for sex and if you refuse he might get angry or who knows what. Obviously if you refuse and he gets mad hes not someone you would want to have a relationship with. Maybe not, maybe he has all good intentions but im doubtful. Did you two get some closure on why you broke up before? We broke up abruptly. There was no communication at all. No closure. I was crushed. We just started speaking again this week. Today would be day # 5. I've have mentioned to him that I'm still hurt and scared, and he says he is too, but the only way to mend fences is to just jump right into it. I still have no clue what the hell this means. I fear if I don't show up tonite, it will hinder our reconciliation. I have two hours to until we are suppose to meet and I am still shaking and unsure. No contact was brutal, but I had just arrived at the point of accepting what was and moving on. I even began to tell my friends about our breakup. It was something I withheld to myself for awhile hoping we would reunite and there would be no need to speak of it. I just can't believe he cut his trip short because he wanted to spend time with me. That is huge.
gavinus Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Sigh, I fear you will be harmed again. I hope you will not be, please keep us informed
Author Juno Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 I did visit him last night, but didn't stay too long. I didn't want to fall into old habits of familarity. We spoke a bit briefly about what drove us apart, but neither one of us wanted to over do it and get into an emotional conversation about it. So we mostly held each other, kissed and smiled. He as OK with this, and really allowed let me dictate the evening. Whew! I had no plans on staying overnight, so within a few hours I left to return home. We both were hesitant to display too much affection, but in leaving he approached me and gave me long embrace, while resting his head on my shoulder. It was sweet, and made me want to stay. So bottom line, no regrets in seeing him last night, however I will resume no contact today. Why you ask? Because deep down I know if there aren't MAJOR changes made with the issues that pulled us apart, we are bound to repeat the breakup cycle. I can not endure that type of pain again. It almost ruined me. I still feel strong, and empowered. Let's keep it that way. No contact is the only way to heal, especially when it is initiated by you.
Rogue52 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I did visit him last night, but didn't stay too long. I didn't want to fall into old habits of familarity. We spoke a bit briefly about what drove us apart, but neither one of us wanted to over do it and get into an emotional conversation about it. So we mostly held each other, kissed and smiled. He as OK with this, and really allowed let me dictate the evening. Whew! I had no plans on staying overnight, so within a few hours I left to return home. We both were hesitant to display too much affection, but in leaving he approached me and gave me long embrace, while resting his head on my shoulder. It was sweet, and made me want to stay. So bottom line, no regrets in seeing him last night, however I will resume no contact today. Why you ask? Because deep down I know if there aren't MAJOR changes made with the issues that pulled us apart, we are bound to repeat the breakup cycle. I can not endure that type of pain again. It almost ruined me. I still feel strong, and empowered. Let's keep it that way. No contact is the only way to heal, especially when it is initiated by you. I'm not so sure you can just re-enter NC after what happened last night. You broke it and in a big way. If you've determined what you did was a mistake then you need to tell him that. Otherwise, he's going to continue to contact you and for good reason. Do not drop to his level.
Author Juno Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 I'm not so sure you can just re-enter NC after what happened last night. You broke it and in a big way. If you've determined what you did was a mistake then you need to tell him that. Otherwise, he's going to continue to contact you and for good reason. Do not drop to his level. I don't feel last night was a mistake. We didn't clearly discussed the current state of our relationship, or how we would move forward. That said, I don't see a need to continue contact. As pleasant as last evening was, a relationship it does not make.
northstar1 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 I don't feel last night was a mistake. We didn't clearly discussed the current state of our relationship, or how we would move forward. That said, I don't see a need to continue contact. As pleasant as last evening was, a relationship it does not make. So, if I can ask, what did you gain by last night? If nothing has changed. I know that doing that with my ex would, and did, just make me relive all the feelings all over again, and was too painful.
Author Juno Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 So, if I can ask, what did you gain by last night? If nothing has changed. I know that doing that with my ex would, and did, just make me relive all the feelings all over again, and was too painful. Mostly what I have gained by my visit last night, was a release of my pain (my pain could not have been any worse than the last few months), and a reinforcement of my control. I had no expectations that cuddling would result into anything more. For so long, I was clueless as to how he felt about me. Even yesterday, I was thinking it was two months, he was backed up sexually and just wanted to get laid. I was relieved this was not the case. He truely allowed me to set the tone. Just cuddling and kissing was fine, and if I wanted sex that would have been fine as well (probably even better:)). He was truely gentlemanly which showed he still has respect for me. So with that question answered, it is up to me how to proceed. Like I said in my earlier post, I did not want to fall back into familar routines, so declaring we are back together and acting as such was not my goal. I am content in knowing feelings remain, and if they develop further, it will be at a healthy pace for me. I will not rush or pursue any longer, thus my peace at being in control and no contact is my tool to maintain it.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I don't feel last night was a mistake. We didn't clearly discussed the current state of our relationship, or how we would move forward. That said, I don't see a need to continue contact. As pleasant as last evening was, a relationship it does not make. I'm glad that you did it and moved on from it. You have your closure and will get stronger from this point on...trust me. I believe the NC rule should remain in tact because it's helping you move forward with your life.
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