BubblyPopcorn Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I have no basic understanding of what guys go through when it comes to dating, and I don’t think it’s a matter of whether the OP is wrong or right. It’s his own dating experiences from his own perspective. I.E. - one person’s perspective. Some argue that the OP is overly stubborn, nit picky, etc., based on a combination of his threads. And yeah, when I read them, my head spins. But some of his arguments are valid nonetheless, whereas others are just down right silly.
Author Bells Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 I have no basic understanding of what guys go through when it comes to dating, and I don’t think it’s a matter of whether the OP is wrong or right. It’s his own dating experiences from his own perspective. I.E. - one person’s perspective. Some argue that the OP is overly stubborn, nit picky, etc., based on a combination of his threads. And yeah, when I read them, my head spins. But some of his arguments are valid nonetheless, whereas others are just down right silly. I sometimes like to mix them up. But I do stand by the validity as to the reason why I get "stood up" or whatever, and it's due to the rudeness of the single women I have encountered because maybe they get their kicks out of doing this to guys online, perhaps they feel more bold behind the computer screen that let's them partake in this behavior. Recently, I posted about a single woman who gave me this song in dance about how she's not looking for a guy or not "on the prowl" and said, "Can a woman date without being "on the prowl" , I saw contradiction in that statement. But I came back with. "Well, want to go out on a date then and find out? LOL" And she said, "What did you have in mind?" I told her, and she said it sounded like a great idea, and then I go, "Can I get your number" And she had no problem, she gave it to me, but when I called her, she said she had a lot of "irons in the fire" so she was not sure what she had going on this weekend. So I figured, forget her, she's just enjoying the emails from men, but not actually spending time with them. Apparently being so engrossed in her "Career, independent business woman career job." she can't date anyhow. I didn't buy it, but I wrote her off as another flake. With that said, how is it "Me"? Sorry OP that you're having cruddy luck with women who are obviously selfish." Yeah....I hear ya. It's just the current trend of the modern single gal these days. Perhaps it's my geographic location?
serial muse Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 With that said, how is it "Me"? Well...here's a sampler from just one post of how you tend to take a rejection and then really go off the rails with it. 1. But I do stand by the validity as to the reason why I get "stood up" or whatever, and it's due to the rudeness of the single women I have encountered because maybe they get their kicks out of doing this to guys online, perhaps they feel more bold behind the computer screen that let's them partake in this behavior. It starts to go horribly wrong right here. Don't you think you're kind of assuming a lot of stuff about people you don't even know?? You got rejected, and sometimes people are rude about it. However, it's pretty nutty to jump from rejection to "maybe they get their kicks out of doing this to guys online." That's tipping over from bitter into irrational and paranoid. And if you think people can't sense that stuff, you're dead wrong. Regarding the woman not "on the prowl" - 2. when I called her, she said she had a lot of "irons in the fire" so she was not sure what she had going on this weekend. So I figured, forget her, she's just enjoying the emails from men, but not actually spending time with them. Apparently being so engrossed in her "Career, independent business woman career job." she can't date anyhow. I didn't buy it, but I wrote her off as another flake. Okay. Again. So she blew you off. Fine. But then you make a big giant leap from "I figured, forget her" (GOOD!) to how her blowing you off must be because she's "so engrossed in her 'career, independent businesswoman career job'". As though her career is the problem here. No. It's that she didn't want to date you and your feelings were hurt. Own it! It's just the current trend of the modern single gal these days. No. There is only one "trend" going on here. Come on, man. Can't you even entertain the idea that your approach on the dating scene probably needs a little work???
pollywag Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Okay. Again. So she blew you off. Fine. But then you make a big giant leap from "I figured, forget her" (GOOD!) to how her blowing you off must be because she's "so engrossed in her 'career, independent businesswoman career job'". As though her career is the problem here. No. It's that she didn't want to date you and your feelings were hurt. Own it! Excuse me but if the woman said she had a lot of "irons on the fire" and is too busy to date him why should he jump to the conclusion she doesn't like him or isn't into him? If she wants him to intepret that she is not into him she should just come right out and say that instead of using the "my life is too busy to date right now" excuse. If anything SHE should own the reason she is rejecting him and there would be no room for misinterpretation. How's that for a consideration on mixed signals? I am not saying the guy is great at dating, I have no clue what he is like, but that example is just bananas. Anyone in their right mind would think a person chose their career or lifestyle over dating if that were the excuse being presented, so Bell's interpretation is not a bad one.
9Lives Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Maybe it's about time you start behaving like a gentleman and pick these ladies up from their locations. That would resolve a lot of these issues, I think. hell no....I dont want a ONLINE first date guy to come to my house. This could be the death of me or my children if he is a idoit....thats insane
serial muse Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Excuse me but if the woman said she had a lot of "irons on the fire" and is too busy to date him why should he jump to the conclusion she doesn't like him or isn't into him? If she wants him to intepret that she is not into him she should just come right out and say that instead of using the "my life is too busy to date right now" excuse. If anything SHE should own the reason she is rejecting him and there would be no room for misinterpretation. How's that for a consideration on mixed signals? I am not saying the guy is great at dating, I have no clue what he is like, but that example is just bananas. Anyone in their right mind would think a person chose their career or lifestyle over dating if that were the excuse being presented, so Bell's interpretation is not a bad one. No, it's not a good interpretation. For one thing, one's life can be busy with many things - work, yes, but also family, friends, children, hobbies. It's obviously BS, but that's the point, isn't it? He's just using the tired old "she's a CAREER woman" "modern gal" thing (and has expressed disdain for this before) as a way of explaining bad behavior - and that conflates two not necessarily related things and avoids facing the painful bottom line: she was just coming up with an out. No one's saying she didn't give him mixed signals or that she wasn't being rude. But the simplest and best interpretation is that she didn't want to date him, figured that out at some point after initially talking with him and then blew him off with a BS excuse. Full stop. I have no idea why she changed her mind about him, of course. I could speculate, however, that the range of people who apparently decide at some point in talking with him that they really don't want to date him after all probably says something more about him than it does about them. That's speculation, I grant you - but it's not a bad interpretation either.
pollywag Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 No one's saying she didn't give him mixed signals or that she wasn't being rude. But the simplest and best interpretation is that she didn't want to date him, figured that out at some point after initially talking with him and then blew him off with a BS excuse. Full stop. Well then if you will use a BS and vague excuse expect misintepretation to happen. The reasonings behind that excuse will run the gamut. Full stop.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Online dating or not, my common sense tells me a gentleman would always pick a lady up for a date. This has been my experience as well. No wonder you get stood up all the time, Bells. Stop being stubborn and learn something new, for a change. That's not true in a big city. I live in a city where many people don't drive cars and instead take cabs or public transportation. In some parts of Chicago there is only zone street parking and most of the spots are usually taken anyway, and a garage would cost about $30 to park for a few hours.
serial muse Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Well then if you will use a BS and vague excuse expect misintepretation to happen. The reasonings behind that excuse will run the gamut. Full stop. You know, I'm not in her mind and I couldn't care less what that particular woman thinks. Perhaps she does expect misinterpretation to happen and is fine with it as long as she doesn't have to go out on dates with people she's not interested in. Whatever, who the hell cares? She's not the issue here, he is. The point I'm making is that Bells has a history of leaping to conclusions about what women are thinking and then telling us how this illustrates that modern women are therefore this, that and the other. I was and am simply saying that I think there's more to it, and that it likely has something to do with him and his approach. That is based on not one woman who rejected him for whatever stupid reason, but on the fact that he's ALWAYS complaining about some woman who rejected him and then going from that to some half-baked theory about why that must be. I don't see how not telling him to point that finger back at himself is going to help the guy. And yes, I read this business as just more of the same old same old from him, not a special case that deserves special consideration. History does matter, and it helps if you read his previous threads. That's all I'm going to say about it.
Recommended Posts