kodos1 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I am pulling my hair out trying to figure out why my girlfriend is mad at me. We have been dating for two years and are very close. Or I guess I should say we were. We have known each other long enough to have a very comfortable level of familiarity which is very nice. We can spend an evening sitting on a couch or out at a big event. Both are equally enjoyable for us. Two months ago we spent a very nice evening together. It was getting late and we were both hungry. We stopped at a diner just to grab a burger. Since we were both beat the conversation didn’t really focus on anything in particular. I think we talked about stuff like work and what errands we needed to run on the weekend. At some point I felt her mood change considerably, from good to bad. At first I thought it was my imagination but when I walked her to her car and hugged her goodnight I asked, “What are you doing this weekend?” She responded with, “I am going to my sister’s house.” Something in the tome of her voice stopped me dead in my tracks. It was like she had just said, “I am never going to see you again” without really saying it. There was a distinct vibe in her tone that left me stunned and confused. At first I told myself it was my imagination but that was two months ago and I can’t get her to talk to me. Obviously something happened during that dinner that pissed her off but what? Some stupid comment on my part? While the evening was still fresh in my mind I couldn’t pinpoint what it was I had said. As I stated before we were exhausted and not talking about anything in particular. What could I have done that was so bad? It looks like a two year relationship is ending. It was like she looked over my shoulder and saw my face on a wanted poster with the words, “Serial Rapist” on it. I decided to give her some space and not bug her about it for a while. But when I didn’t hear from her for two weeks I sent a very sincere e-mail stating that I knew she was mad at me and that I would like to apologize for whatever I did. I know with women that doesn’t win too many points because you want s to know what we did wrong but honestly ladies I am baffled. I told her our relationship is priceless to me and that I want to say I am sorry but she never responded. I sent another e-mail asking if she was mad at me but again nothing. Now hear is what’s really painful, she answers superficial e-mails I send like “How was your weekend?” But anything pertaining to our relationship is ignored. OK, I’m a stupid guy and we do stupid **** all the time without knowing it. I’ll admit that willingly. Guilty! But how can I apologize without knowing what I did? If I give her a sincere, heartfelt blanket apology will that be enough? I seriously don’t know what happened. She is my best friend and I miss her dearly. Ladies please help! Maybe I am a jerk who did something but I would rather be chewed out, yelled at and called a complete ******* by her than deal with this killer silence. Thanks for your input.
Lucky555 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 First of all how old are you two? Two years for a girl is a long time! Where is the relationship going with you two? Are you two boyfriend and girlfriend? Have you two committed or are just dating? Are you serious about her, introduced her to family, friends ect. What are you two looking for in a relationship? Are you attentive to her, do you ask her questions?
Author kodos1 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 We are both in our early 40's. She is divorced and kind of against marriage now. I have wanted things to get more serious for a while but have moved at her pace to make her comfortable. I thought being boyfriend and girlfriend was being committed. I am extremely attentive to her and ask her questions all the time. What is really disturbing about this is the suddenness of it. It's like a switch got thrown and her personality changed. If we had had a fight or something I could definitely point at as a cause that would be far better than this mystery. Two years of getting to know someone, all the long conversations, all the time spent together and it evaporates over what? I still don't know.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I'm going to bet on mental illness because the story makes no damn sense. But then, I'm not into the whole, "I want you to guess why I'm upset with you" BS. I'd rather just tell the guy what it is and get it over with rather than sitting there stewing over it. We can get through the problem and on with life quicker. I have no idea what to tell you. She seriously sounds unstable - it's a really weird story. Can you maybe talk to a mutual friend? Or her sister? Somebody that she may have told the problem to? I honestly don't think it's worth it to try and keep a woman happy that's so unwilling to work with you on the problem, but it's your life. She sounds a little heartless. I would not be able to NOT talk about it if my BF said what you said about wanting to apologize about whatever it was you did. I'd want to put the poor sap out of his misery of wondering "WTF?"
prettybaby Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Uhm, is she on meds? I mean, either: - she's crazy - or you're crazy. Her reaction makes no sense at all, so unless you're not bright enough to figure out what it is that you said to make her mad, then I'd go with the "she's crazy" theory. Unless you left out some really important details out, her reaction makes no sense at all People who have been together for 2 years don't just pull the ignore card when they get upset. That's incredibly immature, not constructive, and plain weird.
era Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 kodos 1..... So you asked her "What are you doing this weekend?" Maybe there was something you two had pre-planned that you had forgotten about?
Art_Critic Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Did you forget her B-day.. anniversary of something like your first date or first kiss ? Maybe you made plans with her that night because it was something important to her and you totally forgot... other than that I think you need to corner her and get her to tell you what's up...
D-Lish Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 That's a really odd thing to happen. After 2 years, at the very least, you deserve some sort of explanation. I'd have to agree that it's got nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. I don't think you have a choice but to stop reaching out to her- I mean, what else cna you do? You've apologized, you've reached out to her, you've made numerous attempts to get her to talk to you.... A woman in her 40's acting like this is pretty immature. I thought when I first read your post you were speaking of someone really young. Maybe she got scared, maybe thigs got too intimate and she switched gears.... who knows. I'd stop reaching out and let her come to you. Something is off with her.... if she's punishing you for something, I'd say it's gone on long enough and at this point, if I were you, I'd be angry at her!
Prodigal Princess Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Sounds to me like she wasn't happy in the relationship to begin with (you just never saw the signs), and then she jumped on something insignificant as a reason to end things with you. If she really wanted to be with you, it wouldn't matter what you said, she would be responding to your attempts at reconciliation.
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