Author Isolde Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Common interests - and while at that - 'compatibility' - are overrated, IMO. As long as you've got similar life goals, everything else is a function of commitment, attitude, good will, and mellow temperament. I don't see how my gf's developing interest in wrestling or weapons, or me developing interest in chick flicks, would help our relationship all that much. There's nothing wrong with common interest, of course, but they're no substitute for actual relationship. But, since they could serve this role at least temporarily, they are easy to overvalue... I agree with you. If a guy was into my favorite books of course it would be a turn on, but if he was (for example) passive in the relationship, how much help would it be to talk about books?
Yamaha Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Most guys, if they think the girl is into them, tend to be confident and outgoing ( eliminates fear of rejection ). My advice is to let guys know you're interested and then sit back and be the women ( and choose ).
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Shadow, what makes it even harder is that Type A guys don't often have the quirky personality and interests that I have. I'd be fine dating someone with a personality like mine (AB) but I don't think I would be happy dating a B. I do like quiet, shy guys; but I don't want to take a dominant role in a relationship. Follow the link and take the test. I believe you want a guy who is Red/Yellow. I know because I tend to fit those traits. http://www.colorcode.com/personality_test/ Someone focused but also free spirited. Someone who wouldn't think it's stupid when I start talking about literature or history. Someone a little old fashioned, who is just as much at ease taking a stroll in a park as being all professional and Type A. I know I am asking for too much, even a few of these traits would be great. (Oh! And he must look like a young Warren Beatty! jkjk) The #1 thing in the world to a Type A guy... is to feel powerful. I'm somewhat like that myself, so I have doubts you would enjoy that kind of relationship.
carhill Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Topically, a defining attribute of Type A personalities is a singular focus on processes, goals, creation, evolution. Think ER docs as a generic sample (one based on multiple family members being in that profession). Life is lived at warp speed; people who get in the way are frustrating; relationships must be with a personality which will tolerate that life perspective and often take a "back seat". Compatibility issues perhaps are not important in dating, but wait until you get married. Life goal similarities are cool, but life is what happens after you make the plan. It takes real unity of perspective, and I mean that in the emotional and spiritual sense, along with a steadfast belief in each other, to even begin to face the challenges that life after marriage brings. I sincerely hope you can find a type A personality who is "mellow". I haven't met one yet. Most of the successful type A's I know are everything but mellow. Balls to the wall is more of an apt descriptor. Work hard, play hard, live hard. Enjoy the ride My wife and I had similar life goals and even some interests in common (travel, music, and home renovation as examples). It was the lack of emotional compatibility that eventually caused the chasm to form in the intimacy and belief of the marriage. With no significant challenges, we might have never discovered it in a meaningful or damaging way. Then, life and life altering experiences happened. Good luck in your search!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I met mine on eHarmony. And he's not driven in the CORPORATE world, but very successful in his chosen field. I think this is going to have to be one of those "luck-out" things. I agree that it's so much better to not be the one leading.
385 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Type A guys are driven, confident, active and outgoing. Type Bs are more passive and laid back, tending to take the backseat in the relationship. So if you're in between you're AB? Because I'm driven, confident, and active but not really outgoing. I'm also laid back and sorta passive. But I know when to take charge when I need to.
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I've come to the conclusion I'm an anomaly. I'm totally Type A, who surrounds herself IRL with Type A friends and gets involved with Type A men. My fiancé is also Type A. How is this possible?
Author Isolde Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 I guess you just lucked out in finding people who motivate you and whom you motivate. Having work networks doesn't hurt, either. I do think any system that relies on polarities, such as the alpha-beta system under discussion here, is flawed, but it's useful when beginning to broadly delineate distinctions. After reading some of the descriptions of stereotypical type A's I've decided that I'd probably be best off with someone who is AB (like me), but just a smidge closer to A than I am. Based on the limited experience I have, both my friendships and dating encounters with Type B people weren't really the most compatible for me. Add to that the fact that passive guys just don't do anything for me, and my preference will make more sense. Of course, I am open As stated before, this "type" thing is negotiable, given a good person driven in their goals, no matter how they want to achieve them. I have to admit that I really want a guy that knows what he wants, sees a compatibility with me after a few dates and pursues it. A lot of girls want that. We've tried taking the lead and it didn't work for us!
D-Jam Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 It's just that I think I'd be best off dating someone that is assertive and motivates me rather than someone more passive than me. This obviously is a negotiable thing, but an interesting epiphany regardless. Issue I've mostly seen is that "Type A" and "nice/good to women" never seem to come together too much. The few where it does are rarely single. I'm not saying that Type A's are all bad boys, playas, and jerks, but I've more noticed that while their intentions are well and such, they get too focused on themselves, their careers, physical health, etc...and at times become narcissistic. Maybe they don't mistreat women, but the common complaints I'll later hear is how the woman became sort of a lower priority on his list over other things. That or they become commitment-phobic because again, they think in terms of if commitment to said girl will be a big enough benefit to his life. What you're asking for is fine. You want what most women want. Strong, attractive, confident, driven, ambitious, interesting, exciting, but he's into commitment and is good to women. Not impossible to find, but very very hard. What you normally find are the attractive ones who are more Type B or C, or if they're Type A they don't seem to be able to be good to women. It's like when men are out seeking a woman who has a career, education, no children, no issues/baggage, and has a face/body like a goddess...but she's single, down-to-Earth, and is good to men. Most of the time they only get a few of those traits in the women they meet. Meaning neither gender can really "have it all". If you think you can find everything you want, then by all means...hold out. However, if you believe inside that what you really want can't be found all that easily...then you might want to rethink and decide what's the most important. PLUS...and this is for both genders...you also need to make sure you're someone that the "ideal person" would want as a mate. Most guys, if they think the girl is into them, tend to be confident and outgoing ( eliminates fear of rejection ). My advice is to let guys know you're interested and then sit back and be the women ( and choose ). I agree wholeheartedly. Nothing builds a man's confidence more than knowing "he's in".
IrishCarBomb Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 How does one go about meeting them? You find them on LS, of course!
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