Isolde Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 How does one go about meeting them? I recently had an epiphany that I might have more success dating this type, as in the past I've gone on dates with pretty passive guys without a lot of hobbies or goals outside of work. However, in discussing this with my sister, she said these guys are more likely than AB or B guys to be tools. Now, there is definitely some truth to this, because succeeding in certain fields requires an ego, and some people take that ego too far. TBF, I'm thinking of you here... what are ways to meet guys like this that are nice? It's just that I think I'd be best off dating someone that is assertive and motivates me rather than someone more passive than me. This obviously is a negotiable thing, but an interesting epiphany regardless.
shadowplay Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'm looking for the same type, Isolde. I know one guy who is very much like this. He's an athlete filmmaker extraordinaire with a hot body and a sweet demenaor, but he has a gf. Of course!! Single guys like this are hard to find for obvious reasons.
Alan430 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I dont under stand the whole Types A , AB , B.... can you break that down for me. Please.
shadowplay Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I dont under stand the whole Types A , AB , B.... can you break that down for me. Please. Type A guys are driven, confident, active and outgoing. Type Bs are more passive and laid back, tending to take the backseat in the relationship.
Author Isolde Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Shadow, what makes it even harder is that Type A guys don't often have the quirky personality and interests that I have. I'd be fine dating someone with a personality like mine (AB) but I don't think I would be happy dating a B. I do like quiet, shy guys; but I don't want to take a dominant role in a relationship.
shadowplay Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Shadow, what makes it even harder is that Type A guys don't often have the quirky personality and interests that I have. I'd be fine dating someone with a personality like mine (AB) but I don't think I would be happy dating a B. I do like quiet, shy guys; but I don't want to take a dominant role in a relationship. Can you be more specific about the personality quirks and interests you're looking for?
Alan430 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 So basically the Alpha Type? Doesnt always mean they are successful in buisness and vise versa. I read somewhere that A types tend to be the men that make poor husbands and fathers, though im sure that is all speculation. I would guess some hobbie place, where you can lean on your "i dont know how to do it right, or Im not strong enough..." type situations.
Author Isolde Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Can you be more specific about the personality quirks and interests you're looking for? Someone focused but also free spirited. Someone who wouldn't think it's stupid when I start talking about literature or history. Someone a little old fashioned, who is just as much at ease taking a stroll in a park as being all professional and Type A. I know I am asking for too much, even a few of these traits would be great. (Oh! And he must look like a young Warren Beatty! jkjk)
Alan430 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Someone focused but also free spirited. Someone who wouldn't think it's stupid when I start talking about literature or history. Someone a little old fashioned, who is just as much at ease taking a stroll in a park as being all professional and Type A. I know I am asking for too much, even a few of these traits would be great. (Oh! And he must look like a young Warren Beatty! jkjk) There is something to say for a person who knows what they want.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Oh lord, ladies. I don't have the magic wand for knowing where to meet men like this, for everyone. As expressed in JSs thread, there are certain white collar industries that have more than their fair share of Type As, for example, the investment industry. Having said that, nice is subjective. If you're looking for men who are sensitive to your moods and react accordingly, those aren't characteristics of a Type A personality. Also, you have to be strong enough to meet them head on and I don't mean having a consistently confrontational-style relationship. That kind of relationship is asking for the drama-coaster. Large social networks help, in that you have more selection. Luck seems to be a big part of it, in meeting someone who's not only the type you want but is also compatible. Once again, I don't have all the answers for this. I seem to attract them but then I also seem to attract the narcissistic types too, so there you go!
shadowplay Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Someone focused but also free spirited. Someone who wouldn't think it's stupid when I start talking about literature or history. Someone a little old fashioned, who is just as much at ease taking a stroll in a park as being all professional and Type A. I know I am asking for too much, even a few of these traits would be great. (Oh! And he must look like a young Warren Beatty! jkjk) The type you're describing sounds more like a typical Type AB, a healthy mixture of both. It sounds like you're looking for somebody who is deep and reflective as well as confident and at times driven. Stereotypical Type As don't tend to be very reflective because they're so busy getting stuff done. I think guys like you describe DO exist, but they're rare. You'll probably find one eventually if you expose yourself to enough people.
Author Isolde Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 The type you're describing sounds more like a typical Type AB, a healthy mixture of both. It sounds like you're looking for somebody who is deep and reflective as well as confident and at times driven. Stereotypical Type As don't tend to be very reflective because they're so busy getting stuff done. I think guys like you describe DO exist, but they're rare. You'll probably find one eventually if you expose yourself to enough people. Well I'm too reflective if anything, so he wouldn't have to be that reflective, just capable of occasionally relaxing. But yeah that's why I said not a textbook Type A but a sort of modified Type A.
Author Isolde Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Oh lord, ladies. I don't have the magic wand for knowing where to meet men like this, for everyone. As expressed in JSs thread, there are certain white collar industries that have more than their fair share of Type As, for example, the investment industry. Having said that, nice is subjective. If you're looking for men who are sensitive to your moods and react accordingly, those aren't characteristics of a Type A personality. Also, you have to be strong enough to meet them head on and I don't mean having a consistently confrontational-style relationship. That kind of relationship is asking for the drama-coaster. Large social networks help, in that you have more selection. Luck seems to be a big part of it, in meeting someone who's not only the type you want but is also compatible. Once again, I don't have all the answers for this. I seem to attract them but then I also seem to attract the narcissistic types too, so there you go! Haha. TBF, the fairy godmother of handsome white collar men!
shadowplay Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Well I'm too reflective if anything, so he wouldn't have to be that reflective, just capable of occasionally relaxing. But yeah that's why I said not a textbook Type A but a sort of modified Type A. Guys like you describe definitely do exist. I know of at least one, so that have to be more out there!
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Haha. TBF, the fairy godmother of handsome white collar men! Hey, I'm not that old! Get out there ladies and meet more men, however you choose to do it. I would seriously avoid pubs and bars, not because you'll never meet them there, but more likely, you're going to meet the guy who's not looking for anything beyond a one nighter.
tanbark813 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Someone focused but also free spirited. Someone who wouldn't think it's stupid when I start talking about literature or history. Someone a little old fashioned, who is just as much at ease taking a stroll in a park as being all professional and Type A. Maybe it's the area I'm in but this doesn't strike me as being all that hard to find. I'm like that and have friends like that. And FWIW, I met my gf in a bar and my best friend met his wife in a bar (well, re-met her; they were acquainted with each other in college).
burning 4 revenge Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Hey, I'm not that old! yes you are ................
burning 4 revenge Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Someone focused but also free spirited. Someone who wouldn't think it's stupid when I start talking about literature or history. Someone a little old fashioned, who is just as much at ease taking a stroll in a park as being all professional and Type A. I know I am asking for too much, even a few of these traits would be great. (Oh! And he must look like a young Warren Beatty! jkjk)If youre looking for Type A guys theyre generally not big fans of literature and history
Author Isolde Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 If youre looking for Type A guys theyre generally not big fans of literature and history It's not required that someone I'm dating be a fan of those things. My mom and dad have been married for 30 years, and my mom reads a lot and my dad doesn't (except stuff related to work). It hasn't been a big deal for them.
Jaytb Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 all two of them are taken. Oh wait, I'm getting word that one of them had a fight with his gf. Imminent comforting needed at 48° 25' N 106° 32' W
Trialbyfire Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 yes you are ................Same age as you, although I'm a bit younger!
carhill Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 It's not required that someone I'm dating be a fan of those things. My mom and dad have been married for 30 years, and my mom reads a lot and my dad doesn't (except stuff related to work). It hasn't been a big deal for them. Gently, you're not your mother and today's young males are not your father. It's a totally different socio-psychological dynamic now. I posted in another thread about how my dad caught the attention of my mom by continuing to patronize the store she worked at as a clothier and buying suits until she noticed him. They later eloped. This was in the early 1950's. The basis for their marriage dynamic was totally different from that of my generation just as it was totally different from your generation. Think about it. Yes, the sex and attraction is the same but the dance, expectations and dynamic are light years apart.
Author Isolde Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 Gently, you're not your mother and today's young males are not your father. It's a totally different socio-psychological dynamic now. I posted in another thread about how my dad caught the attention of my mom by continuing to patronize the store she worked at as a clothier and buying suits until she noticed him. They later eloped. This was in the early 1950's. The basis for their marriage dynamic was totally different from that of my generation just as it was totally different from your generation. Think about it. Yes, the sex and attraction is the same but the dance, expectations and dynamic are light years apart. Well, first of all, I'm not exactly looking for marriage yet. But I see what you're saying, these days it seems more people are finding it important to have shared interests. And I'm not saying it's not important to me--some level of mutual interests is important in any relationship. In fact, it would be ideal to find a guy with that Type A personality who also likes Russian lit--but having the exact same interests as me is negotiable, so long as there's enough compatibility in general.
Sam Spade Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Well, first of all, I'm not exactly looking for marriage yet. But I see what you're saying, these days it seems more people are finding it important to have shared interests. And I'm not saying it's not important to me--some level of mutual interests is important in any relationship. In fact, it would be ideal to find a guy with that Type A personality who also likes Russian lit--but having the exact same interests as me is negotiable, so long as there's enough compatibility in general. Common interests - and while at that - 'compatibility' - are overrated, IMO. As long as you've got similar life goals, everything else is a function of commitment, attitude, good will, and mellow temperament. I don't see how my gf's developing interest in wrestling or weapons, or me developing interest in chick flicks, would help our relationship all that much. There's nothing wrong with common interest, of course, but they're no substitute for actual relationship. But, since they could serve this role at least temporarily, they are easy to overvalue...
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