xmahalosx Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Im so heart broken. we have been together for 10 months today. one week ago he went on a break with me and then he decided to break up with me. he told me that he doesnt love me anymore and he doesnt think that he is going to come back to me. i dont know how to deal with this. he also said that he doesnt think it was true love he said it was just puppy love, thats love nontheless right? and its not like i was asking him to marry or anything. we were just dating and living our lives. we talk, all the time in fact. we aim, text and call. just yesterday i talked to him on the phone for at least 3 hours. and i now this doesnt help but i still want to have sex with him thinking that it would help anything. also when he broke up with me all he could say was, im a F***ed up person. and "IDK" was a big thing he would respond with. like i would ask why are you breaking up with me,"idk", why are you doing this, "idk",
flash582 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Go no contact ... NOW. You either have to heal from this or he'll be back in a few weeks .... but you have to stop talking to him, TODAY ... this minute. RIGHT NOW.
Lonestar Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 What you need to do is stop all contact. No texts, no phone calls. He said it's over and the only reason he's still talking to you is because it boosts his ego to see how much you are hurting and wanting him. I'm sure he probably still cares about you and is also not used to not having you around, but eventually his calls will die off, so if I were you, I'd end the contact first. I guarantee it'll bug the hell out of him and may even cause him to want you back after he sees how little you care that he left. People are like that.
AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 he told me that he doesnt love me anymore and he doesnt think that he is going to come back to me. i dont know how to deal with this. he also said that he doesnt think it was true love he said it was just puppy love, thats love nontheless right? Sounds like he doesn't know much after 10 months with you! Cut him off and see what he thinks about that. I bet ya he stops thinking and starts knowing what its like to be without a great person. You will find out faster by cutting him off with no contact. You deserve more....
Author xmahalosx Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 i dont know. i dont know how to stop talking to him. i dont know that im strong enough.
silverfish Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 i am going through this sort of thing right now...whether to contact or not. If there is a crisis your 1st instinct is always to do something, anything, to sort things out. I feel like this right now too, but I know that once I get to bed tonight I am busy tomorrow, working tomorrow night. I have plans all weekend..... I know I will probably spend it all crying over everyone but at least I have a target now - til Sunday night.I have no idea what to do after that. Thing is - when someone throws something at you and says 'catch' you don't have to catch it.
chrissreef Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 don't pick up, i made that mistake =( call back when it's convenient/later IF the message actually says something requiring you to call back. if it's just "hello, how are you", don't call back
gavinus Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Do not talk to him!!!!! This is important!! Learn from my mistake!! Learn from others on this forum! My ex GF said the same thing to me, but worse. I talked to her and lost her permanently. Every time you talk to him, it shows him that you are willing to put up with the way he treats you. Make him suffer! go NC. If he is talking to you he gets the best of both worlds, you when he is bored or his ego is feeling low, and when he is feeling better he will not talk to you, he will find other women. Be strong, NC is the only way to give you self respect and maybe get him to miss you. If you talk to him, what is he missing? Be strong
Author xmahalosx Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 go NC. If he is talking to you he gets the best of both worlds, well does NC mean no contact? and i know exactly what you mean. i really dont want him to think that i am good and thinks that it would ok for him to move on. and the only problem i have is what if i stop talking to him and decides that "yeah i am better off without her bothering me and calling me and talking to me and i dont need her" i dont want him thinking that. some people say when you dont talk to them it makes them realize what they miss. but whwat if they dont?
gavinus Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 He has left you while being in contact all the time. What do you think will change......if you are in contact all the time? Nothing!! My ex was really hurting (she dumped me) I broke NC saw her...and that made up her mind to move on with her life without me!! Go NC! He will contact you again, especially if you appear strong!! Nothing is more attractive than somebody appearing to be getting on with their life.
Author xmahalosx Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 i mean we have talked for the last few days. he knows how i feel. so he knows im not that strong. the problem is that we are friends with the same people. how does that work
pinkmarble Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 No Contact is actually NOT a reverse-psychology strategy to get someone to contact you... OP, when you say that you have talked for the last few days, who is initiating the contact? If it is you, stop. I can understand to a point not being "strong" enough to ignore him when he's calling you, but there is really no excuse for being the one that calls or texts or IMs him. If you want to be friends, you'll have to wait until you're strong enough to really just be friends. If not, you're just setting yourself up to be hurt even more. If you're friends with the same people, then make sure that if he's going to be hanging out with your friends, you are not. If they're real friends, they'll understand and will make time for you without including him.
AMM003 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Your mind is not thinking objectively. Listen to the folks here. We are experiencing or have experienced similar thoughts and situations. Listen, NC will give empowerment to the most important person in this situation. and that is you.
Author xmahalosx Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 i guess so. well today i was doing really good with the whole not NC thing but it was 1 in the morning and i was walking home and its a good 10-20 min walk. not too dangerous but im always scared so i called him cause i know he is always awake at that time and his voice comforts me. as soon as i got home i was like "k im home you can go if you want" and he talked to me for maybe 5 minutes more, he decision not mine. and right before he got off the phone i said bye and he said "hold on let me think if there is anything i needed or wanted to tell you" and then he was like "idk I'll just go" and we got off the phone. do you think he wanted to tell me something or what do you think guys think when they say that? or was he really thinking if there was something that he hadn't told me in out 20 min conversation(something not that important)? i hate trying to decipher what guys think
Toodle Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 It's all pretty much irrelevent. You shouldn't have called him.
Justanotherschmuck Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Im so heart broken. we have been together for 10 months today. one week ago he went on a break with me and then he decided to break up with me. he told me that he doesnt love me anymore and he doesnt think that he is going to come back to me. i dont know how to deal with this. he also said that he doesnt think it was true love he said it was just puppy love, thats love nontheless right? and its not like i was asking him to marry or anything. we were just dating and living our lives. we talk, all the time in fact. we aim, text and call. just yesterday i talked to him on the phone for at least 3 hours. and i now this doesnt help but i still want to have sex with him thinking that it would help anything. also when he broke up with me all he could say was, im a F***ed up person. and "IDK" was a big thing he would respond with. like i would ask why are you breaking up with me,"idk", why are you doing this, "idk", You've been see this guy for 10 months and he doesn't love you "ANYMORE"? Just how old are you? 10 months is now where NEAR enough time to fall in real love, let alone do the full boat around the world in 120 days! Puppy love? Sex? Jeez.
Author xmahalosx Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 you know i am old enough to know the difference between puppy love and real love. i love him, yes i still love him. we have been broken up for a week still weird between us. we've never had a conversation face to face. its weird.
Justanotherschmuck Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 you know i am old enough to know the difference between puppy love and real love. i love him, yes i still love him. we have been broken up for a week still weird between us. we've never had a conversation face to face. its weird. If you're as old as I think you are, NO you don't. Not even close. But go on thinking you do, we all did, and now we know better. Just keep your pants on and HIM out of it. You wan't to make your life worse? Keep going down that path.
Author xmahalosx Posted March 23, 2009 Author Posted March 23, 2009 here's the update. we hung out on friday and i know we shouldnt have. we ended up getting sexual and that was a MISTAKE. after the sexual stuff he got in a HUGE fight with his mom over the phone cause she was being a bitch(he said) and she kept hanging up on him he got so angry he started bawling and i just hugged him while he cried and as soon as he stopped crying he kissed me and said "im really happy you're here" WTF stupid. like quit playing with my emotions like that.we hung out that night and last night too with friends but he stayed near me, where i went there he was. like i went to jack in the box and went to cause he didnt want me to go alone. whatever. i dont know how to react with this, and on top of everything he flirts with me.
kimbop Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 You are seriously setting yourself up to become hurt again and again. Maybe you need this lesson to finally realize that the guy is a DOUCHE! My attempts at NC were pitiful at best in my opinion, but it opened my eyes through the puffiness of having cried enough times. Don't become a sniveling dependent on him. If you're afraid to walk home, then call your friend and carry around some mace with you. Don't talk to him. If you continue to act like a whimpering dog asking to be brought back into the house, you might as well have a "welcome home" tatooed on your forehead because you'll become his doormat.
socialight Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 xma, you and this guy both sound very young. I will not venture to guess. But I will give you two pieces of advice. 1) You wrote the following "and i now this doesnt help but i still want to have sex with him thinking that it would help anything" It will help nothing. All it does is reinforce that he can be cruel to you and you will take it and still be there for him. It invites further crule behaviour. You must stop. Are you listening? You MUST stop. 2) An easy way to judge the character of a man is how he treats any of the following: his mom, animals, the poor and unfortunate. This guy has clearly red flagged on the mom part. You sound weak and desperate. No relationship you enter will work if you have that mindset. You have a lot of growing up and toughening up to do. Get started w/o this guy. Don't write, talk to, or call this guy. Don't accept his contacts or advances. Time to move on.
EmperorR Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 Been there, its done over. Don't contact, cut him off right now heal yourself, then maybe when you are you can talk to him again but by then you probably won't to. YOur still blinded by love.
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