4everloveu Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I have a friend who's in an A. He told me that he felt comfortable when he around OW. They been in the A for 10+yrs, OW felt comfortable also being with him. Which she can't get it from her H. The H didn't know anything about their A until this day. I don't know when is the D-day, and how he felt if the A come to light. He's OM she still with H. He said his love for her is true since he been waitting for her to get a Divorce. If it not true love, he will not wait for so long. There is no sign that she will leave her husband until now. He just live in hope that she will divorce one day to be with him. I told him to move on, he told me that he did at one point go NC with her. But they both drop NC, and now the A continued.
bentnotbroken Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Her husband should find out and move on. He deserves better than he is getting from her.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 10 yrs still hanging on to the worthless piece of woman that she is your friend is an idiot and he will reap what he has sown. The husband should sue your friend for AOA if it's still on the books, wonder if his pockets are as deep as his love is then huh? And trust when and if she leaves her H for the OM when he becomes boring she'll do it to him as well...
jj33 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Of course you can. Its like any other relationship sometimes its strong sometimes its not. There are as many variations among affairs as there are in relationships between single people - most of them fizzle out too. That being said she doesnt sound like she is leaving. He should move on.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Of course you can. Its like any other relationship sometimes its strong sometimes its not. There are as many variations among affairs as there are in relationships between single people - most of them fizzle out too. That being said she doesnt sound like she is leaving. He should move on. You probably can, but God, think about it, how would you be able to trust the relationship? It's built on you being sneaky and the other person being sneaky. Wouldn't you be paranoid any time your new SO said or did something that reminded you of something you said or did to hide things from the spouse you cheated on him or her with? My mother wound up married to a man she had an affair with. Sadly, she died only three years later (at the age of only 52; it was a shock). But I can tell you that in that time she was already sending out STRONG "I'm about to wander" signals that anybody with half a brain and partial consciousness could detect. God rest her soul but the woman was bored to tears with the "relationship" that had been built on sneaking around...which apparently is way more exciting. If anyone knows of a long-standing, non-cheating relationship based on an affair, he or she should post it here, but personally, I've never once known a former A relationship to work out well.
jj33 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 There are numerous stories if you do a search. And quite honestly this is not the place to find the most positive stories. Few people who had a smooth time of it end up posting. Its mostly people who had a tough time but even some of them worked out, few for years yet. But there are tales. I would wonder. I would wonder how I would even KNOW if someone so adept at the art of the casually told lie was indeed lying. I would wonder if his flirtatious nature was hiding something more. I would worry more about his ability to handle confrontation and to deal with being bored and restless - I wouldnt want him to resort to self help again. But in many cases it works. Most of those people dont talk much about it. Its not exactly the thing you shout from the rooftops - Im so proud I seduced my wife 2 years before I divorced first wife.... Although I do know one couple who have been married for about 10 years. They adore each other.
Author 4everloveu Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 10 yrs still hanging on to the worthless piece of woman that she is your friend is an idiot and he will reap what he has sown. The husband should sue your friend for AOA if it's still on the books, wonder if his pockets are as deep as his love is then huh? And trust when and if she leaves her H for the OM when he becomes boring she'll do it to him as well... I try to tell him to move on. If one day her H find out, they both will going through big headache or he could get in trouble. I guess they don't think that day will come, since it been 10yrs plus. The H is careless even she is on the phone with him right in front of him. I'm not sure if her H can sue him for the A. They don't see each other much once in a while and talk on the phone once in a while. That the reason why her H didn't know about the A. He say this woman give him a strong feeling being very comfortable with her that he never have this feeling before. I wonder if she feel remorse or guilty toward her H. Guest not, otherwise she end the A by now.
penumbra Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 If anyone knows of a long-standing, non-cheating relationship based on an affair, he or she should post it here, but personally, I've never once known a former A relationship to work out well. Yes, I do. They have been married around 14 years, now... And had a new baby together last year.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I try to tell him to move on. If one day her H find out, they both will going through big headache or he could get in trouble. I guess they don't think that day will come, since it been 10yrs plus. The H is careless even she is on the phone with him right in front of him. I'm not sure if her H can sue him for the A. They don't see each other much once in a while and talk on the phone once in a while. That the reason why her H didn't know about the A. He say this woman give him a strong feeling being very comfortable with her that he never have this feeling before. I wonder if she feel remorse or guilty toward her H. Guest not, otherwise she end the A by now. Yeah but what kind of man is your friend to pine after a married woman for 10 YEARS!!! that's insane. and if she didnt leave her husband then she's not gonna do it now, because your friend isnt the one. she's content with having two men at her beck and call, one for her financial needs and one for her emotional needs. she'll continue the charade until the end of time. And her husband could: be in denial about the situation know what's goin on and do nothing to stop it. has kids and knows, but doesnt care and will divorce her when the kids get of age so he can leave without paying child support. or lastl he could know but not care because he's screwing around as well and thinks it's good for the geese it's good for the gander. or lastly he could never believe his wife is cheating on him and not know at all. I choose number 3. No man I know is that passive and browbeaten.
Author 4everloveu Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 She don't have kid, so that why she can get away easy and not feeling guilty. Imaging later if someone do it to her kid. He will not leave her until one day her H find out and she have to choose between them. That is so stupid, I want to beat him up and shed some light in his mind. I have told him that if she not leaving her husband 10 yrs ago. What make her leave now..dan can he see something...hello she only used you for the comfort when she can't get it at home. If she really love him, when there no kid involved, it easy for her to divorce.
OWoman Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 You probably can, but God, think about it, how would you be able to trust the relationship? It's built on you being sneaky and the other person being sneaky. Wouldn't you be paranoid any time your new SO said or did something that reminded you of something you said or did to hide things from the spouse you cheated on him or her with? Since neither of us did anything "sneaky" that's unlikely to apply in my case; but ultimately it's also about expectations and the way one relates on a day-to-day basis. If anyone knows of a long-standing, non-cheating relationship based on an affair, he or she should post it here, but personally, I've never once known a former A relationship to work out well. I know many, including my father who's been happily married to his fOW for a couple of decades now, and counting. There are others around on this site - Happy At Last springs to mind - but this probably isn't the place to look for them. But the situation described in the OP doesn't seem like it's leading to a "strong relationship" - it looks like it's reached a level of stability where things are far too comfortable for at least one of the players to want to make a move.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I try to tell him to move on. If one day her H find out, they both will going through big headache or he could get in trouble. I guess they don't think that day will come, since it been 10yrs plus. . I hope your "friend" hooks up with this "woman". They deserve each other and will be saving 2 other people. If only all the scum in the world could hook up with each other and save everyone else.
NoIDidn't Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 You probably can, but God, think about it, how would you be able to trust the relationship? It's built on you being sneaky and the other person being sneaky. Wouldn't you be paranoid any time your new SO said or did something that reminded you of something you said or did to hide things from the spouse you cheated on him or her with? My mother wound up married to a man she had an affair with. Sadly, she died only three years later (at the age of only 52; it was a shock). But I can tell you that in that time she was already sending out STRONG "I'm about to wander" signals that anybody with half a brain and partial consciousness could detect. God rest her soul but the woman was bored to tears with the "relationship" that had been built on sneaking around...which apparently is way more exciting. If anyone knows of a long-standing, non-cheating relationship based on an affair, he or she should post it here, but personally, I've never once known a former A relationship to work out well. Back in about 1992 my then-uncle-by-marriage cheated on my aunt and impregnated his girlfriend. My aunt didn't even try to work things out and changed all the locks to their home. They divorced. He married the OW. Then, he found out the OW, his W, had been cheating on him throughout their marriage. They divorced (after 18 years of marriage) and he's trying to get my disinterested aunt's attention again. Another story: a church member and his family became friends with my H and I. Then she started cheating and left. Her H tried to get her back for years but stopped after a situation drove him to try to kill the man she married for abusing his kids. Once she saw that her new H was abusive to her kids from her previous M, she tried to get out. She wanted her ex back. He wanted no part of her. Another story: a friend's mom was being abused by his dad. She met a wonderful mechanic in the state her family relocated to. She went out on a date with him once. Filed for divorce from her H. She and the mechanic have been happily married for over 20 years! I know tons of stories. More bad than good. But that about fits the dreaded statistics. It can go either way. I really depends on the people and the circumstances. But IMHO affairs typically don't make for good or long lasting marriages. Because after one an experienced life after divorce or an affair, it makes divorcing or cheating that much easier for that person.
tami-chan Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 10 yrs still hanging on to the worthless piece of woman that she is your friend is an idiot and he will reap what he has sown. The husband should sue your friend for AOA if it's still on the books, wonder if his pockets are as deep as his love is then huh? And trust when and if she leaves her H for the OM when he becomes boring she'll do it to him as well... Well, this OM obviously found something very worthwhile with this woman to wait around. Some women just have "that hold" or 'retention power" , Chrome, much to our chagrin. Yes, I do believe it is possible to have a lasting relationship. I know one, and after 30 years they still love, adore and trust each other. They always say their commitment to each other is unshakable because getting to where they could be together was a long, painful, journey-that took blood, sweat and tears, literally. They are not willing to go through that hell again.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Well, this OM obviously found something very worthwhile with this woman to wait around. Some women just have "that hold" or 'retention power" , Chrome, much to our chagrin. Yes, I do believe it is possible to have a lasting relationship. I know one, and after 30 years they still love, adore and trust each other. They always say their commitment to each other is unshakable because getting to where they could be together was a long, painful, journey-that took blood, sweat and tears, literally. They are not willing to go through that hell again. Power of the coochie catches them all, especially if the man is weak, the guy in this story is weak, he's satisfied with the crumbs of a woman, but once he get's her fulltime who's to say it wont break down? but whatever this is his choice. I just want to warn him, if the husband is not caring about his wife stepping out he could be plotting something. Dont think he's gonna get away unscathed... But alas some cheaters get away with it. What can you do? except live your life very well. and thrive in the face of betrayal.
Author 4everloveu Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 He think it worth to wait for all this year. I told him just bc her H didn't find out now he might know later. Wait until her H find out about the A, then something will happen. Eventually someone will know and it will get to the H ears.
CAMAYPARK Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Everyone have a different story to tell and none of us actually know all the nitty gritty details. Aren't we being a tad judgmental here? Its been a long A, 10years. We aren't privy to the details not even 4E, the only people that know are the husband and wife. They have their own really private reasons for staying together. Just as the OM has his own private reason for staying in the A. TBH, for the woman if she is merely a cake eater as all of you have basically accused her here, isn't it easier to try a different dish every year or every few weeks or whenever the mood strikes her? Don't you think that the woman loves OM or else she wouldn't have remain within the compound of the A? If I were you, 4E and a really good friend, I wouldn't judge. I would merely lay down the pros and the cons and let them be. Be there for a friend, a shoulder to cry on or raise a glass in celebration. And now, all of you can flame me
Author 4everloveu Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 It just that I see he going through depression with the A. Which is I hate to see a friend to be in this situation. I'll just tried to be there for him.
CAMAYPARK Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 All As go through ups and downs. As a friend, you should be there
Recommended Posts