Standing up for myself for the 1st Time...need advice.

[Grace]

I’ve posted something on Loveshack before about my situtation regarding my boyfriend of now 9 mos, but I need more help.

 

He was the best thing that ever happened to me. He is 30 years old and overall a really great and decent guy. We spent 5 – 6 days of the week together. Even if we were hanging out w/ our own friends, we’d sometimes meet up after we were done hanging out w/ them and we’d find each other. We’d call each other everyday, sometimes 2-3 times depending on the day. It was a great relationship. I’d never been so happy.

 

Then he almost ended it at 8 mos. when I thought we were the closest we ever were (totally didn't see it coming). He said we weren’t compatible and he wasn’t happy in our relationship and that we fought too much (even though any fight we had was minor and instigated by him). He gave me the stupidest reasons for why we weren’t compatible (he hates when I’m 5 min. late, I drive in the left lane and it p-sses him off, etc). So I asked if there was someone else (I knew for a fact there wasn’t, but I asked anyway).

 

He of course said not and he doesn't cheat. He then said that he thought it was only physical attraction btwn us (yeah right…I wish) which is so not true. The relationship is no way based on sex. After telling him I had no idea he was feeling this way and that I wished he had told me that I was upsetting him, he then reneged and said it wasn’t me, it was how he felt about himself and he was really unhappy with himself and thought that he might not want to be in a relationship with anyone and he thought he should be alone for a while. He said if he ever decided to date someone new, he wanted it to be the most simple relationship with no fighting, arguments and problems…ever. After an hour of talking, we decided to stay together.

 

Now for the past month he’s put me on the back burner…which is killing me. He hardly calls (every 3 - 4 days now) and only sees me once a week at the most. This went on for about 2 weeks. Then he went home w/ me for my mom’s surprise party (he really wanted to go) and he met my whole family and he and I had a blast. We spent 3 days straight together. The next week, he called me practically everyday and even took me out to dinner and a movie last Thurs.

 

Then it started again. He didn’t call me for 3 days until Sunday night when he was done with his w/e of hanging with the boys (who are all newly single by the way) and wanted to hang out. I was sick and tired of being at his beckon call. I’ve been there for him every time he’s needed and wanted me, but he hasn’t been there lately when I needed him. He blew me off all w/e and called me on Sunday night when his w/e was over. For the 1st time, I stood up for myself and didn’t pick up the phone and take his call.

 

I’ve never blown him off before, but it’s better than being in a relationship on HIS terms. What about me and my needs? I don’t like this back burner stuff. If I had picked up the phone, this kind of behavior (putting me on the back-burner) would have continued. Don’t get me wrong, when we’re together, he’s wonderful to me and treats me as if he still has strong feelings for me…you’d never know there was a problem. He’s cuddly, looks out for me and is great. Then the next day, he’ll blow me off for 3 to 4 days. I’m so confused.

 

Anyway, I blew off his call Sunday night and I still haven’t heard from him. It’s now Friday. Not a peep. I can’t believe that he hasn’t called me again since Sunday. Does this mean he doesn’t care if I walk out of his life? I absolutely can’t call him now or it will go back to the way it was…his way. I can’t do that to myself. What do I do? I know his pulling away has everything to do with him and it’s nothing I did, but does it sound like it’s over for us? Is it possible for him to come around? Do you think he’s freaking out that I didn’t return his call at all, or do you think he hasn’t even really noticed?

[niko1999]

Dont call him. My advice? Go on with your life, and forget about him. He came up with stupid excuses a month ago, becuase he was trying to find a way out. And he hasnt called you, and I dont imagine he is any time soon. So, go on with your life, forget about this guy, becuase there are so many better guys out in this world than him.

[rayray]

Originally posted by Grace

I drive in the left lane and it p-sses him off, etc).

 

Other than driving the left lane, you sound like the perfect little angel

 

Go out and find someone who makes you happy... you deserve it.

[Goatsbreath]

It don't sound like you are listening to the signals. He says he feels the relationship was sexual....then you are like- "No, thats not it. Try again." Then you are so confident that he is not cheating on you but what gives you this insurance. I think all his reasons are lame like niko points out but its obvious he is just trying to end this thing. If not- instead of playing games on the phone with this whole no call thing perhaps you should try communication. Tell him you wonder why he all of a sudden stops calling for days and let him know this bothers you. Just ask him for a straight out answer- Is it over or what is going on? If he starts digging at those little excuses then just take that as his whimpy way out and move on with your life. \\\Like a bandaid- STRAIGHT OFF!!!