HeartLikeLead Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 My boyfriend who is exclusive with me was texting his ex wife DURING our movie night together. he never turns off his cell phone at the movies. he had a bad divorce he said he kept trying to get back together with his wife since she filed for divorce over 4 years ago (they were divorced a year ago and separated for 2 years) well now that he and i are seriously dating she caught wind of it i think and suddenly is replying to his contact (she had ignored him for 8 months after their divorce) they do have a son together so i totally understand staying in touch over him a lot. but as we were watching the movie i noticed my boyfriend checking his phone., it was a text from his exwife (she kept her married name i guess) and he replied to the text. it was nothing important or that couldnt wait i was irked because he was already 2.5 hours late for a our date the night before he claimed his ex had an important event a fashion show and he was watching their son as a favor ( mind you the mother has a nanny for the son) should I be disturbed by this ? it seems to me that she is now reaching out since he is finally happy and unavailable. he told me just a week ago that he feels really lucky to have me in his life right now. so yes he is happy with me i just thinking she is making a play for him now.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 also he is 40, im 31 and his ex wife is 43
dreamergrl Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Nanny or not, if he wants to watch his son, that should NOT be an issue for you. I think it's great that he spends the time with his son when possible. If something with his son comes up, you should just be understanding about it. Now on to the ex wife. Maybe she is, maybe she's not. But they do have a son together, and no matter what she'll be a part of his life. That's just a given. You need to decide if you can handle that. Since it bugs you so much, why not have a sit down with him and explain your feelings, and see what he has to say.
bean1 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 How long have you guys been dating? You may be exclusive but this doesn't seem like a man who is available to you. Be cautious when trying to build a relationship with a man who has serious baggage. Remember, go by his actions not his words. He tells you that he is happy to have you in his life, but what does that actually mean?
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 So, they've only been divorced a year, and she ignored him 8 months out of that? And they have a son together? And he tried and tried to get her back? Weird. Not many parents are able to ignore each other, with things like visitation, support, coordination for sports events or birthdays or holidays and stuff. How long have you been dating?
Author HeartLikeLead Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Nanny or not, if he wants to watch his son, that should NOT be an issue for you. I think it's great that he spends the time with his son when possible. If something with his son comes up, you should just be understanding about it. Now on to the ex wife. Maybe she is, maybe she's not. But they do have a son together, and no matter what she'll be a part of his life. That's just a given. You need to decide if you can handle that. Since it bugs you so much, why not have a sit down with him and explain your feelings, and see what he has to say. Actually if he changes our standing Saturday night plans 3 times that is an issue. He sees his son all the time. (sunday night/monday/thursday/friday/saturday monning) He was welcome to bring his son along.
2sure Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 It isnt uncommon for an ex to suddenly become interested in the person they left when the person becomes interested in someone new. If he is still open to getting back together with her, be prepared for drama. On the other hand, it is possible that this communication and involvement is just the way they have always handled things. If he wasnt seeing anyone seriously prior to you since the divorce - its possible he doesnt realize how it makes a new partner feel. While his son is a priority, he may need come to terms that a new partner will not be comfortable with both his ex and the child a priority.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 So, they've only been divorced a year, and she ignored him 8 months out of that? And they have a son together? And he tried and tried to get her back? Weird. Not many parents are able to ignore each other, with things like visitation, support, coordination for sports events or birthdays or holidays and stuff. How long have you been dating? they were separated for years. The ex has a nanny who usually interacts with him. or his ex's lawyers.
Author HeartLikeLead Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 It isnt uncommon for an ex to suddenly become interested in the person they left when the person becomes interested in someone new. If he is still open to getting back together with her, be prepared for drama. On the other hand, it is possible that this communication and involvement is just the way they have always handled things. If he wasnt seeing anyone seriously prior to you since the divorce - its possible he doesnt realize how it makes a new partner feel. While his son is a priority, he may need come to terms that a new partner will not be comfortable with both his ex and the child a priority. uh no one is addressing the fact that while holding my hand in the movie theater he was texting her secretly with his left hand. no emergency, just seems incredibly rude. ive been very very cool with him having a kid. i got to meet him once and we got along great. he said his son acted warm towards me so fast
Lucky_One Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 uh no one is addressing the fact that while holding my hand in the movie theater he was texting her secretly with his left hand. no emergency, just seems incredibly rude. /quote] Ok. As for that part, I would have reached over and snapped his phone closed. Or whispered, "if you want to text someone, then please go into the lobby." What in the world did you do, just sit there holding hands and let him text her? How long have you been dating?
bubblegum Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Have you noticed any other things that might be red flags? Any changes in his behavior lately? You mentioned he changed your standing sat nite date 3 times, do you mean in a row? Why? Was he secretly texting her back and forth, or did he just answer one text? Maybe he didn't want to stop holding your hand so her was just using his other hand to text?
Author HeartLikeLead Posted March 24, 2009 Author Posted March 24, 2009 Have you noticed any other things that might be red flags? Any changes in his behavior lately? You mentioned he changed your standing sat nite date 3 times, do you mean in a row? Why? Was he secretly texting her back and forth, or did he just answer one text? Maybe he didn't want to stop holding your hand so her was just using his other hand to text? not in a row. one time.... well now i have an update.... when i confronted him over this last week he said i was going 'crazy on him' that hurt me, but i let it go we went out this past saturday he was on time but he wasnt dressed well (he usually tried to put on dress pants and decent shirt) he was wearing his old boating sweater and jeans while i was all primped and looking nice... sigh anyway during dinner his cell kept ringing and he wouldnt answer it he said he never answer private calls it rang again a total of 6 times well i decided last night to try calling his phone from a block phone number he answered ! so he lied to me about never answering blocked calls im now resigned to moving on since he is full of it but im very sad
2sunny Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 you are smart to end it now before you get in too deep and get REALLY hurt and disappointed. the dynamics of his obligations are not conducive for a guy to make dating easy. you would only set yourself up for more pain the longer this goes on. i applaud your wise decision - no matter how great or disappointing he may be. his position is too complicated for your happiness. keep things simple when looking for a guy to date. - you will be much happier in the long run.
sugarmomma Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 He has definitely shown you how he operates. You have the signs and I would suggest moving on since he is sort of the rebound and may have a desire to reconnect with the x. she probably doesn't want him and just wants to see if she can interfere with what he has going on. He will be back when she decides that she really doesn't want him. I would wait until he has really grieved the loss of that relationship before starting something with him. or you could just date him and other guys at the same time. You don't have baggage and those are his issues not yours. If I didn't have kids I would try to only date guys with no kids or have truly moved on since the break up.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 You sound a little bit too high maintenance for this guy. I mean, he has an ex and a kid - he doesn't need a GF that's going to complain about what he's wearing on the date. At least he showed up. As for the texting - yeah, it's rude. You have to decide, though, if you can deal with being in second or even third place in his life because of the kid and ex-wife. Whether or not he still wants to get back with her, it sounds like he wants to be involved in his kid's life. Good luck getting in the middle of that.
samiam143 Posted March 24, 2009 Posted March 24, 2009 Actually if he changes our standing Saturday night plans 3 times that is an issue. He sees his son all the time. (sunday night/monday/thursday/friday/saturday monning) He was welcome to bring his son along. Doesn't matter how often he sees his child. You obviously haven't learned the first thing there is to learn about dating a guy with a kid.... The kids come first. No matter what. I'm dating a guy with 2 kids from his ex wife and still talk to her. At first I was worried but I simply ASKED and he explained all. If you can't handle coming in second to his child you might want to find a new guy without baggage.
Recommended Posts