Lindarose84 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I really don't understand why this '2nd choice' issue keeps coming up. I mean, was there a particular guy she initially chose over OP, or is it just the general comment she made about not dating outside her race? From the OP: "Yesterday, we went to lunch and she said that she had changed her mind and that if I was still interested she would be willing to go on a few dates with me. This constitutes a huge change in her belief structure, so I asked what caused the change of mind. She said that it feels like there are no men of her race available, because they are either taken, or date interracially." How does this not sting of being someone's second choice??? It's like, "Well the actual race of people I want to date isn't available, soooooooo I have no choice but to settle with what I can get and I guess that's you. So take me out." That's just how I read it.
Trialbyfire Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Don't settle for someone like this, Untouchable_Fire. Since her criteria is so superficial, like race, you'll find that all kinds of issues will crop up from someone who stereotypes enmasse. It's one thing to not be attracted to certain characteristics in a person and a whole nother ballgame when you're battling for first place, right from the start. The best relationships are the easiest ones, where core beliefs are compatible. Drama isn't something that helps to nurture a healthy relationship.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 you can think that if it makes you feel better i once did a poll where i asked women if thed prefer a paraplegic with a ten inch penis or a healthy man with a five inch penis and one of them picked the paraplegic so dwell on that for a while LOL... So... you had a gay guy respond to your poll. Maybe if I was only 5 inches I would be worried, but I'm not... so I don't really care. Look, I'm sure it's important to some women, just like some guys are all about Huge Boobs. My experience tells me that there are many more women who care about my wallet size than my penis size. My focus is on weeding them out first!
burning 4 revenge Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 LOL... So... you had a gay guy respond to your poll. Maybe if I was only 5 inches I would be worried, but I'm not... so I don't really care. Look, I'm sure it's important to some women, just like some guys are all about Huge Boobs. My experience tells me that there are many more women who care about my wallet size than my penis size. My focus is on weeding them out first! the last black girl i dated broke my nose because she had no sense of humor
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Good decision. No, her life would not be in jeopardy, just some negative, harsh reaction/comments from (AA) friends, family and even co-workers. As minor as it sounds, can be depressing sometimes. I don't get this AA role model for her son. A role model doesn't necessarily have to be someone of the same race. My son and my BF get along very well, and after observing how the 2 interract with one another, he's likely to be the best role model for him than any of the black men I have dated in the past. The only thing that's a little bothersome to me is having to put my life story on display, because when the 3 of us go out together, people don't need to ask any questions. It's good to hear from someone in her position. I am going to put a few of these questions to her direct tomorrow, when I ask her out. I don't understand the whole role model thing 100% either. She had that conversation over drinks with a couple of her friends like 2 years back. I was there and I heard it, but I was talking with someone else... so maybe I got it all wrong. It would probably help if I remembered the context.. Nasty comments are not a big deal. I can handle that. Besides, I doubt that will be a problem here. From what I see 80% of IR couples are AW/WM, the other 20% WW/BM. I'm excluding Latinos... because I can't always tell that they are south american.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 the last black girl i dated broke my nose because she had no sense of humor What does that have to do with the size of your dick? Back in college I had a Korean girl try to stab me with a knife... trust me... that had nothing to do with size or race!
burning 4 revenge Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 What does that have to do with the size of your dick? like i said....she had no sense of humor...
alphamale Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Here is the part where I need some advice. I got really upset, because that whole explanation makes me feel like I'm not her first choice. In fact, it really makes me feel like she is just "settling". i'd feel the same way... ... I think she is racist. But... then why would she date me? to piss someone else off? her parents? Her ex? someone else?
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 like i said....she had no sense of humor... Nice! Now your wiener is a joke. If I get punched in the nose I will definitely PM you!
dreamergrl Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 From the OP: "Yesterday, we went to lunch and she said that she had changed her mind and that if I was still interested she would be willing to go on a few dates with me. This constitutes a huge change in her belief structure, so I asked what caused the change of mind. She said that it feels like there are no men of her race available, because they are either taken, or date interracially." How does this not sting of being someone's second choice??? It's like, "Well the actual race of people I want to date isn't available, soooooooo I have no choice but to settle with what I can get and I guess that's you. So take me out." That's just how I read it. Don't settle for someone like this, Untouchable_Fire. Since her criteria is so superficial, like race, you'll find that all kinds of issues will crop up from someone who stereotypes enmasse. It's one thing to not be attracted to certain characteristics in a person and a whole nother ballgame when you're battling for first place, right from the start. The best relationships are the easiest ones, where core beliefs are compatible. Drama isn't something that helps to nurture a healthy relationship. These post say it all.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 These post say it all. I know... and I thought it over and just figured I don't have that much to lose. She is fun to hang out with and I flirt with her all the time anyway. It might be like B4R was saying and she wants a guy with a firehose attached. I figure there is only 1 way to find out right? I appreciate you advice though! It's good to have someone understand why that irritated me so much. It was also interesting to learn a bit about the AA community. Thanks Shy!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Oh, gees. Her answer to your question about why she changed her mind was insulting. Now, if she had said instead that she decided she might like you, that would be different. But to say that there are no good men of her race available... :lmao: I can't believe you're even considering it.
Shygirl15 Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 You're welcome, U_F. I'm glad you took time and try to understand where she's coming from instead of making some odd assumptions. You're a very smart man. Hope it all works out okay but if it doesn't..well at least you tried, right? And like you said, you have nothing to lose. All the best.
dreamergrl Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 Oh, gees. Her answer to your question about why she changed her mind was insulting. Now, if she had said instead that she decided she might like you, that would be different. But to say that there are no good men of her race available... :lmao: I can't believe you're even considering it. That's what I'm saying! You took it as being second best, now your considering settling as well??? Comon OP, you can do better then some chick settling for you when you're not what she wants. You're welcome, U_F. I'm glad you took time and try to understand where she's coming from instead of making some odd assumptions. You're a very smart man. Hope it all works out okay but if it doesn't..well at least you tried, right? And like you said, you have nothing to lose. All the best. Well, OP could become attached to her, then be heartbroken when she decides she wants someone else. He also would be settling because he stated he doesn't want to be the next best thing. He could be using his time to meet someone who wants to go out with him for more reasons then "there's no one in my race around here for me".
manugeorge Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 If him as a white guy said this to a woman of ANY race and she came here to ask for advice, people will tell her to RUN as fast as she can. And I will second that because frankly, it is insulting.
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